Choosing Gratitude, Again

I gave a child a piece of gum not too long ago. She happily accepted it, popped it into her mouth, began to chew, and walked away. Her mother called out for her to return and say, “Thank you.” The girl acted like she didn’t hear. The mother grabbed the child by the arm and pulled her back to me and demanded she say the words. No response. After two more commands and a final ultimatum with a threatening glare, a quiet and rather squeaking sounding “Thank you” came from the girl. I didn’t feel much appreciation in the coerced statement, but I understood the mother’s determination that it be spoken. I took it that as a parent she believed gratitude must be cultivated, learned, and exercised regardless if it is felt in the moment or not.

And I agree with her. Thankfulness is a learned discipline.

Yet why should anyone care as much as this mother about gratitude? Of course it is possible she simply was embarrassed that her child was being rude, and this was her way of saving face in front of me. I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt, however, and believe she truly values this attribute and considers it absolutely vital for her child to learn it. But again, why?

More Blessed to Thank than to Be Thanked

I realize now that for the longest time, I subconsciously viewed expressing thankfulness as a social construct. It was the polite thing to do. It was so people could know that their kind acts or words were appreciated and they therefore could feel good about themselves. I assumed it was always for the person being thanked.

I no longer think that.

Gratitude does more for me, the giver of thanks, than it does for the receiver. It runs in the same vein of Jesus’ words quoted by the Apostle Paul: “It is more blessed to give than to receive” Acts 20:35b. The receiver may feel blessed with a sense of being appreciated and acknowledged. But by declaring my gratitude for whatever I have been given, I am the one who truly benefits.

At its most basic level, thankfulness is an acknowledgement of what I have been given. It is recognition that my life is made up of gifts from others, and my existence is richer because of the thoughtfulness, favors, help, kindness, and mercy I have received. A lack of gratitude can mean multiple things. But mostly it indicates blindness to the fact that on my own I am not a whole person; I cannot produce all that I need for life. No matter what I possess, if I trace it back far enough, I will see that there was a gift involved in making it possible. Be it my family upbringing and the values instilled, a scholarship, an inherited physical trait or talent, a skill that someone trained me in, or a “lucky” break. It all was somewhere dependent on another.

But There’s So Much I Haven’t Been Given!

A lack of gratitude can also indicate that I tend to focus on what I don’t have. There is always something more that I would like to possess, be it money, longer vacations, kinder neighbors, a different body, time to do what I want to do. And when I focus on what I lack, I am blind to the good things I have already been given.

Thankfulness is a spiritual quality that we need more of. It can bring greater physical and mental health. It can open the door to greater delight and satisfaction with life as it is right now. It can get me in touch with a different side of reality that I often don’t see, where my existence is brighter, my future more hopeful, and where I feel wealthy – even though I don’t have a lot of money or the stuff I want.

I See God More Clearly

Most importantly, gratitude can make us more aware of God’s presence. The very atmosphere in a room can change when there is a shift toward thankfulness. I’m told that I can “enter His gates with thanksgiving” (Psalm 100:4).

I just have to decide I’m going to do it. I’m going to choose to be grateful. I’m going to look for new things in my life to acknowledge as gifts. And I’m going to repeat my thanksgiving for the “old” things in my life that are still there: life-giving relationships, provision of my basic needs, breath in my lungs, a new day to be lived. It is a discipline that produces great rewards when pursued with diligence. No wonder a mother would want her child to begin to practice at a young age, hoping it becomes a habit and shapes the child’s character on into adulthood.

I am grateful we have a season here in my country to officially focus on gratitude. Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends. But don’t let it be merely an annual event of eating a big meal and watching American football. Choose to give thanks for all His expressions of love again, and again, and again.

“Give thanks to the LORD for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever” (Psalm 136:1 ESV).

Response:

• What is a gift I have been given that I have never acknowledged as a gift? Who do I need to thank for it?
• How could I make gratitude more of a discipline in my life? What do I need to do to remind myself to speak out my thanks regularly?
• How might regular thanksgiving change the way I view my life?
• Jesus, thank you for all that I have been given.