Choosing to Wrestle with God

After my face was smashed into the sweaty mat several times by a brute bigger than me I changed my mind. That was enough, and I gave up the thought of becoming a wrestler. The high school coach had said he could make me a champion, but one practice was enough. Sure, I was young and wanted to prove my strength and sense of manly confidence. But there was nothing glorious about this. The air in the room was stifling hot with the scent of body odor permeating everything. I walked out of that wrestling room seeing nothing worthwhile in submitting myself to such an abusive workout every day for an entire season.

I look back now and wonder what I could have become if I had believed the coach enough to persevere. A different perspective has taken hold over the years. Wrestling now seems to be a poignant metaphor for life. And the longer I seek to follow Jesus, the more wrestling images come to my mind. But, at the same time, it doesn’t seem right. Shouldn’t my expectations of the Christian life be that of royalty sitting at a table having all that I need or want served on a silver platter? I am a child of the Creator and King of the world afterall. I have been given the assurance of ruling with Christ and judging angels!

Confusing Discomfort

This seems to be the tension of following Jesus. He came to earth to make me a child of God (John 1:12), and has even said that I will one day share His glory with Him (Romans 8:17). So many promises have been made that reinforce the idea that I am a favored child and should expect nothing less than good gifts from my Heavenly Father (Galatians 3:26; 1 John 3:1; James 1:17). But then there are promises of sharing in Christ’s sufferings (Philippians 3:10-11). I am called to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17), persevere through trials and temptations (Romans 12:12), and remain faithful even if it means an early death (Revelation 2:10).

I am left with two pictures of what I can expect my life to be like as a follower of Jesus, but they stand in tension with each other. It appears that the images of royalty and promises of glory are true. But there is a process of preparation for getting there. There is something that God desires to form in us. And the image of wrestling is an effective metaphor for understanding what that is.

Wrestling with God

An Old Testament story that has left many scratching their heads in confusion comes to mind. Jacob, the son of Isaac and grandson of Abraham lived a life of deceit and manipulation. His name literally means “heal grabber,” which at some point became a colloquial expression for a swindler. After he cheated his brother, Esau, out of the family birth right, he ran for his life and ended up living with his Uncle Laben’s family. On his way there he had a dream. He saw a ladder stretching between earth and heaven with angels ascending and descending. And he heard the Lord declare a promise to give him and his offspring the land on which he was sleeping. The Lord then said, “Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land. For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you” (Genesis 28:15 ESV).

This was an amazing thing to say to someone who had up to this point demonstrated little virtue and no character. He arrived at his uncles place and found that life was still challenging. Laben also displayed the qualities of a “heel grabber,” using and manipulating his nephew for his own benefit. After many years, Jacob decided to suddenly leave, taking his wives, children, and all the wealth he had accumulated. But then he discovered his brother, the one he had cheated long ago, was coming to meet him with 400 armed men. Jacob, who had been promised that God would not leave him was now in the middle of a serious crisis.

This is where the story takes a strange turn. We’re told that the night before he was to meet his brother, a man appeared to Jacob and they wrestled (Genesis 32:22-32). It lasted all night until the man told Jacob he had to leave before the sun rose. But Jacob would not let go of him until he was given a blessing. We’re not told what exactly Jacob had in mind. The man then touched Jacob’s hip, putting it out of joint – not exactly what anyone would consider to be a blessing.

But before the mysterious man left, he changed Jacob’s name to Israel, which means “he struggles with God.” Later, Jacob says it was with God Himself that he wrestled all night. And what did he have to show for this nocturnal match? A limp and a different name – no longer a heel grabber.

Pressing In!

I have pondered this story many times over the years. And I am left with the growing conviction that God invites all His children to wrestle with Him. His promises are for a glorious future, but they don’t necessarily come with a life of ease and a nap of a finger. There is something about struggling that puts us in a position to be changed and know our true identity. So much of my personal growth has not come about from everything coming together perfectly or working out smoothly. Wrestling requires close contact. It’s in my moments of desperation, pain, and confusion that I’m invited to press in to my God. I can ask Him, like the Psalmist, why He is ignoring me. I can cry, scream, moan, and groan over the fact that I am not being blessed the way I think I should be. I can complain about how unfair life feels. And my Heavenly Father invites this kind of “intimacy” where my masks are pulled off and I cannot hide from Him.

And what do I get out of this?

I may walk with a limp for the rest of my life with the realization of how small and weak I really am. In spiritual terms it’s called humility. And yes, it does hurt – my pride that is. But, if I cling to Him through the night, I come through with the greatest blessing of all: my identity as His child, as one who has wrestled with my Heavenly Father and I know who I am.

Don’t Give Up!

Perseverance is what is required. I must surrender my addiction to quick fixes as well as nice and neat pathways to my goal. I must not allow the fear of being uncomfortable and even suffering push me to blame God so that I run away from Him or simply keep a “safe” distance between us. For He desires me to come close and wrestle with Him.

Who knows what I could have been if I had listened to the wrestling coach and not given up. I don’t want to repeat that same scenario in life.

Don’t give up. Press in. He wants to bless you with blessings that will change you forever.

Response:

• How do I respond to pain and difficult circumstances? Do they push me toward God or away? Why?
• What blessings have I sought from God and then have been hurt and disappointed that they did not come, at least in the way I expected? What might God be wanting to show me in this?
• How might God be trying to shape a new identity within me through my struggles? How can I cooperate with Him rather than run away or curse Him?
• Jesus, what blessing are you wanting to give today in the midst of my confusing struggle?