Choices and More Choices
“Chicken, beef or vegetarian?”
The text was from the planners for an upcoming banquet. My meal choice was needed and I quickly shot back my answer. I was hungry.
Ahh, wouldn’t it be nice if all decisions in life were that easy?
They’re not. Most the time I hate being pushed into issuing a verdict. I often try to put off coming to a conclusion as long as possible because I naturally doubt my initial conviction. Yet it seems there’s always some kind of decision I’m being asked to make—financially, vocationally, relationally, politically, ethically, spiritually, medically, nutritionally, etc., etc. Some feel easy, some seem irrelevant, while others overwhelm me as completely impossible. And I must remember that procrastination and even not choosing at all are all choices. I can’t get away from them!
Following Jesus is the choice I want to focus on. It’s actually a decision made up of many choices: daily, hourly and even minute by minute. They determine what I believe, think and do, as well as how I react, love, hate, give, trust others, and distract myself, all in light of truly being a follower of Jesus. And sooner or later an outcome chases after each one—outcomes, that for better or worse, I must own.
Consequences
Joshua said it several thousand years ago, “Choose this day whom you will serve” (Joshua 24:15). He was fed up with the people of his country waffling on important issues like who their god was going to be. I find, however, that I so dread the thought of being stuck with the results of a bad choice (I don’t have all the information after all) that I look for ways to avoid committing at an intersection in life. Saying ‘yes’ to one thing means saying ‘no’ to one or more others. What if a better option comes along? Can’t I just hold off and sit here for a while, no obligations? Of course I can; that’s a choice. And it will eventually produce some kind of consequence.
As a result, it’s easy to just let life happen, which is releasing others to make choices for me. That then becomes my choice with its own set of consequences. I’m sure that some who were listening to Joshua were thinking, if not saying out loud, “But what if a better god comes along?” Hmm. And how did that work out for them?
They’re Ours to Own
The irony of making decisions is that while we want, and even fight for, the right to make our own choices—resisting the commands of those “Joshuas” who want to control us—we also struggle with it. There are many times we would rather someone just tell us what to do. Choosing can be hard and confusing work. It’s nice to have someone who’s figured it out give us the answer. And if in the end their judgment was wrong then it wasn’t our fault. Right?
Unfortunately, for that way of thinking, an irrefutable law stalks us: everything about our choices belong to us. We choose, whether we realize it or not, how we respond to everything that is thrown at us, even the things we didn’t choose: our DNA, our upbringing and all those crazy, painful outside circumstances or abuses. Though it feels like we don’t have a choice, we still must decide our response, our attitude and our actions. What we do with all that is given or thrust upon us is ours! And as much, if not more, these choices are what make us who we are, for good or for ill.
A lot of Choices to Examine
I want to use this blogging space going forward to talk about what it means to move through every day as a follower of Jesus, depending on His grace but recognizing all the choices before us. There’s actually many to look at because walking with Jesus involves our entire life—every part. And like so many other choices, not committing or half committing our lives to Him (is it possible to half-commit to my wife?) has an eternal consequence.
So, take Joshua’s challenge and choose. Some choices will be as simple as deciding between chicken or beef. Others will force you to search more deeply, determining WHO you’re going to serve each day. And your options are quite limited on that last one. For, as the Bible communicates and one of our American cultural prophets, Bob Dylan, has said, “You’re gonna have to serve somebody. It may be the devil or it may be the Lord, but you’re gonna have to serve somebody.”
The choice is yours.
Reflections
- What are some of the choices I regularly make that I rarely if ever think about?
- In what ways do my everyday choices reflect my level of commitment to following Jesus?
- What is the most powerful influencer of my choices? Circumstances? Feelings? Values?
Choosing to Be Seen
Many times in my life growing up, I felt misunderstood. I tried to relate to those around me by being who I thought they wanted me to be. It felt like few, if any, ever saw the real me and said, “I like that person.” That took its toll on my identity, and withdrawing within myself became my default. I became, at best, a private person. I longed for a friend that would accept me for who I was. Yet, the truth be told, I never allowed the real me, with all my fears, insecurities, and sin to be seen. I built walls of shyness to keep the anticipated pain of rejection manageable and as far away as possible. But something within always ached for a connection with another that would provide a reason to open the door of my heart and truly be seen and known.
As a teen, I realized the name of the quality I hungered for was intimacy. Marriage, I then presumed, would satisfy this yearning. A sexual relationship, afterall, is the epitome of closeness and connection (at least that’s the message I got). And though it initially seemed to do the trick, I eventually came to an unexpected realization: a person can be married, sleep in the same bed with someone and still feel lonely and disconnected at times.
A Universal Desire
I, like so many, have longed for intimacy in my relationships but have found it elusive. There are moments when it seems to be within my grasp, conversations or activities with a friend or with my wife where the bond feels almost other-worldly. It’s as if we can see into each other’s soul. Yet it doesn’t last, fading with distance, time, and distractions. I want to believe, however, that those moments are glimpses of what can be mine continuously, forever. But how?
And then there’s my relationship with God.
Read MoreChoosing to Remember God’s Track Record
“He will order His angels to protect you.”
These words from Psalm 91 should be a great comfort for those who are putting their trust in God. It says in verse 6, “Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday” (NLT). What a reminder that no kind of sickness nor the threat of nuclear war, or even an unstable economy are outside God’s jurisdiction. The promises here are meant to stir confidence in our Heavenly Father’s love and power today in the same way this Psalm encouraged the original hearers nearly 3,000 years ago.
But interestingly, this Psalm has also been used as a tool of temptation. We’re told in Matthew 4 that when Jesus was tempted in the desert, Satan quoted scripture at Him, portions of this very Psalm. It was the second of three temptations (read post, Choosing to Not Take the Bait). The devil took Jesus to the highest point of the Jerusalem temple and dared Him to take a leap. “If you are the Son of God, jump off! For the Scriptures say, ‘He will order his angels to protect you. And they will hold you up with their hands so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone’ ” (Matthew 4:6 NLT). This actually sounds reasonable as a way for Jesus to prove He’s the Son of God: get everyone’s attention by performing a superhuman feat!
But Jesus did not give in to Satan’s use of scripture.
He responded: “The Scriptures also say, ‘You must not test the LORD your God’ ” (Matthew 4:7 NLT).
How do we TEST God?
What is that supposed to mean? I personally have never felt the slightest temptation to throw myself off a tall edifice to see if an angel would catch me. Curious? Maybe. Temptation? Definitely not. So, how am I to relate this incident to my own life? Is it testing God merely when I stupidly get myself into a dangerous situation and expect Him to snap His fingers and get me out?
No. That’s not it.
Read MoreChoosing a “Snail’s Pace”
So much of the truth revealed through the scriptures is counterintuitive. At face value it does not make sense. One of the results is that we have to stop, think about it, and go a little deeper. For example:
- To save your life, you must lose it.
- To live, you must die.
- To get, you must give.
- To genuinely love, there are things you must hate.
And there is one that is not explicitly found in the scriptures, but nevertheless is in there:
- To go farther you must go slower.
Yes! In the big picture of life “slow” is good and often the absolute best way to do things.
In our culture, here in the USA, we admire speed and often exalt it as the highest value. If something can be done faster, it’s better.
- Why do some of us push the accelerator to the floor to get to the next traffic light?
- Why are many restaurants rated according to how quickly they deliver food to our tables or to our doors?
- Why do we look for the shortest check-out line?
- Why are computers and phones praised and marketed according to their speed connecting us to the internet?
Go ahead; I bet you can add many more to this list.
Sometimes the preference for swiftness is to save money. Completing a four-year college degree in three years rather than six has strong monetary motivation. But most often the issue is that I just do not like waiting. I want to see things happen sooner rather than later. Waiting is another topic that I have written on more than once (Choosing to Wait). Here I want to talk about how valuing the slowness of a process can enrich our lives and better prepare us for eternity.
Read MoreChoosing Gratitude, Again
I gave a child a piece of gum not too long ago. She happily accepted it, popped it into her mouth, began to chew, and walked away. Her mother called out for her to return and say, “Thank you.” The girl acted like she didn’t hear. The mother grabbed the child by the arm and pulled her back to me and demanded she say the words. No response. After two more commands and a final ultimatum with a threatening glare, a quiet and rather squeaking sounding “Thank you” came from the girl. I didn’t feel much appreciation in the coerced statement, but I understood the mother’s determination that it be spoken. I took it that as a parent she believed gratitude must be cultivated, learned, and exercised regardless if it is felt in the moment or not.
And I agree with her. Thankfulness is a learned discipline.
Yet why should anyone care as much as this mother about gratitude? Of course it is possible she simply was embarrassed that her child was being rude, and this was her way of saving face in front of me. I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt, however, and believe she truly values this attribute and considers it absolutely vital for her child to learn it. But again, why?
Read MoreChoosing Calm in the Storm
I once read an article by an atheist describing the serenity he felt as he overlooked a beautiful valley while drinking a cup of coffee. The point he was trying to make was that Christians do not have a monopoly on peace. He was irritated with the claim that religion is somehow necessary for a person to have a sense of tranquility. His way of refuting this was to recount the many times he had experienced an internal quiet and harmony with nature and others without any acknowledgement of the divine. His conclusion was that a belief in God is not necessary to feel peaceful. And after reading all that he had to say, I had to agree with him.
But the feeling that there is more to peace than what he was describing wouldn’t leave me.
Jesus followers often talk about the peace that comes over us after surrendering our lives to Him. It’s often part of what we felt was missing in our lives. It makes sense. After all, Jesus the Messiah is called the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6); one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is peace (Galatians 5:22): and peacemakers will be called the children of God (Matthew 5:9). But what exactly is this quality that is promised all throughout the Bible?
Shalom
The biblical Hebrew word is still used by many modern Israelis as a greeting and a farewell. Its general sense is that of holistic goodness. The Old Testament presents shalom as a multidimensional quality that includes physical, psychological, social, and spiritual wellbeing. God’s shalom thus adds up to an overall sense of inner security for the person who experiences it, which imparts many benefits. One example is stated in Psalm 4:8. “In peace [shalom] I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety” (ESV). Few things support wellbeing like a night’s rest free of fear and anxiety. Biblical peace appears to be something that is not created by the individual but comes from God. It also appears that trusting Him is what activates His shalom and puts us in a position to receive it as a gift.
Read MoreChoosing More than Results
“Christianity doesn’t work.”
I’ve been told this more than once. Someone explains why he’s giving up his faith, and it usually has something to do with him not getting what he feels he needs. Typically, references are made to unanswered prayers; troubling questions without satisfactory answers; doctrines that don’t make sense; and of course, there is always that person or group of people who claim to be Christians and are jerks. He simply does not want to be associated with such ignorance or insensitivity anymore. His position is often summed up with a statement like, “Neither the world nor my life has improved because of Christianity. In fact, it’s made everything worse. So I’m moving on.”
So, what makes something workable and worth sticking with it? I don’t know if it’s a Western thing or just a human thing that leads so many in my culture to judge something or someone according to how everything turns out. It is my tendency. If I have an itchy scalp, the question for the new shampoo I’m purchasing is, does it take the itch away? If it doesn’t work it’s not meeting my felt need, and it’s not good for me. This is how I, and I’m sure most people, judge consumer products.
But is it the right way to look at all of life?
Happiness or Something Else?
There is an approach to ethics known as utilitarianism. Right and good actions are decided by what gives the highest sense of happiness, pleasure, or contentment to the greatest number of people. From this way of thinking come phrases like, “whatever makes you happy;” or, “the end justifies the means;” or, to use something my grandmother would have said, “the proof is in the pudding.” It’s all about a desirable product, problems being solved, pain eradicated, everyone happy and feeling better. If, on the other hand, the results of an event or a choice or a relationship is pain, confusion, loss of resources, tension, or widespread dissatisfaction, then it’s natural to call the triggering event “bad.” And if my system of doing things (i.e., my faith) cannot fix it, heal it, or take it away then it’s useless and should be discarded.
Another way of identifying goodness can be framed by the question, “what does the process provide?” This question opens the door to other questions that can help us look a little deeper beneath the “helpful/not helpful” dichotomy. “What can we learn from this?” or “Is there something more valuable here than my getting what I want?”
Read MoreChoosing to Accept Restrictions
Often, the secret to success with any endeavor is learning the basics of a needed task. Trust the tried-and-true process. I believe this can apply to almost any skill. I remember my dad teaching me to wash a car: always start at the top and work down. That basic idea seems to work well for almost any type of cleaning.
Learning to drive a car at age 16, I thought I was a pro within the first couple days. Practicing regulating my speed and judging braking distance felt too basic after my first week behind the wheel. I was itching for “Indy 500” experiences. However, after nearly running off the road while taking corners, almost rear-ending cars in front of me, and having a head-on collision on a dirt road, I finally adjusted my thinking. Maybe I should master the fundamentals before testing how fast I could drive.
Another example was learning to write. My teachers provided the parameters and rules of composition. Correct spelling, no run-on sentences, organized paragraphs, proper punctuation, etc. But it all felt so restricting. I had story ideas and deep thoughts that needed to get on a page. My teachers, however, were turning papers back to me with big red question marks next to most the paragraphs. Were they just too slow-witted to recognize brilliance? After a while, it hit me that I needed to learn to write more clearly. And that meant, among other things, applying the rules they were talking about. My ability to express myself grew as I took their directions seriously and submitted to instructions.
The Disgusting Word
Living within restrictions or boundaries feel unpleasant to most. We look for ways to get around them. It is a growing part of our culture to perceive restraints – particularly restrictions that limit self-expression or the maximizing of personal pleasure – as wrong, and even, evil. And thus, the word “obey” can send waves of disgust, fear, and instant rebellion through many. Yet, learning to work within rules and instructions are so often the key to success and satisfaction.
Read MoreChoosing to Grow Up, Really
It’s a somewhat solemn day of reflection for me. It’s my birthday, and I’m getting old. At least that’s the feeling. I’ve been asking myself for a while if I have found any advantages in getting older, besides cheaper meals at Perkin’s Restaurant. It depends on the day.
I remember my grandfather saying to me multiple times when I was a boy, “Jeff, don’t ever grow old.” This bit of advice was given as he groaned and struggled to get himself out of a chair. Even as a child, I wondered what the options were. Did I have a choice? Aging didn’t and still doesn’t seem to get much positive press. Using the word “old” has become a guaranteed way to insult those with lines around their eyes or gray trimming their temples. Unless you’re a bottle of wine, it’s typically the last thing you want to be called.
“Mature” is now a nice euphemism that doesn’t sound so harsh. But this can be a bit confusing. To be a mature adult can mean a lot of different things. I recently ran across a list of five aspects of maturity:
- Physical: age, size, hand-eye coordination
- Emotional: patience, kindness, ability to manage anger
- Ethical: development of morals, ability to be empathetic
- Intellectual: school smarts, on-target learning for one’s age
- Social: ability to develop friendships, to share, and to cooperate
So, if I’m called a mature man (using the euphemistic term for aging), does that mean I have developed fully in most or all of these five ways? I think almost everyone would agree that the answer is a resounding NO. A long life does not necessarily equal full development of any of these aspects except for maybe the physical part. According to a saying I heard years ago, “Youth is fleeting, but immaturity can last a lifetime.”
Read MoreChoosing to Believe My Father Loves Me
I vividly remember the moment I became a dad. My daughter was a tiny thing, just over five pounds. Holding her, I couldn’t comprehend the strange feelings pulsing inside me. As I looked into her little face, I thought, “I don’t even know you, yet I’m sure I would die for you.”
That was my introduction to the emotions of being a father. I was surprised with the overwhelming affection I felt for this naked, helpless, yet demanding creature. It wasn’t long before another thought rocked my reality. If I, an imperfect human dad, can feel this strongly about my child, then what does my Heavenly Father feel toward me? The thought brought tears. Can I be loved with such strong affection by a holy, all-powerful God? And just as I was getting lost in these reflections, something warm ran down my arm. My precious little girl had peed on me. But did that change how I felt about her? Not in the slightest!
Read MoreChoosing to STOP and LISTEN
As I pulled up to the stop light in a Dallas suburb, I mumbled under my breath, “Right, left or straight?” The word “right” lingered in my mind, so I made the turn. My knuckles were white clinging to the steering wheel, and every muscle in my body felt like tightly wound guitar strings. As I rounded the corner, a row of yellow buses were parked ahead. An incredulous sigh of relief burst from my lungs.
I had been distracted and failed to get directions to my 13-year-old daughter’s volleyball tournament in Dallas. Our family was at a hotel in the city for a week-long conference. I had the task of picking Natalie up after her last game so that she could join the rest of us at the hotel. Her coach had agreed that I should come get her just before the team drove back to our hometown of Lindale, nearly 100 miles away. Family cell phones were yet a thing of the future. I had no way of calling to get directions or inform her that she should just ride back with her team and stay with a friend till our conference ended. My little girl was going to be left on a Dallas street corner with evening coming on! It was my fault, and I was desperate.
And then an absurd thought: “You believe that God speaks? Ask Him to guide you to the tournament site.”
With the sun getting low, I didn’t debate the idea long. I pulled out of the hotel parking lot, repeating my four-word prayer at every intersection, trying to keep all the rational questions at bay. And then after about 20 minutes, I saw her standing beside one of the tournament school buses. I was dumbfounded. It had really worked!
God, the Communicator
It was a long time before I shared this experience with anybody, mainly because I felt like such a bad father having forgotten to get the directions. But it was a profound reminder of what the Bible reveals—that God cares, He speaks, and He wants us to hear and respond (1 Samuel 3:1-11; John 10:2-5). And it’s not hard to imagine that He has even more to say than merely providing driving directions.
Read More
Choose This Day 