Choosing Strong Desires
As a Follower of Jesus, is it wrong to ask God to fulfill my desires? I have been asked this question more than once. There are two extreme responses that I now see getting associated with Christianity. One comes out of the God-wants-you-to-be-happy theology and therefore, of course, wants to satisfy every desire. The other is more related to Eastern asceticism, labeling the pursuit of fulfilled desires as a distraction that leads to suffering and deceitfully draws us away from God.
I usually offer a short (and usually unsatisfying) answer: it depends.
So, maybe a more helpful question is, how do I determine if the desire I have is a good one?
The Bible talks a lot about desires, and I have written before on the topic (read “Choosing to Desire Well”). Here I am writing about it again. I never seem to get away from thinking about how integral desires are to how we do life. Whether we’re always aware of it or not, we make choices and pursue our paths according to whatever object or goal our desires have zeroed-in on. Thus, the Bible warns us of fraudulent desires (Ephesians 4:22) and even ones that lead to death (James 4:2). But it also informs us that there are desires that lead us to good places (Proverbs 11:23) and ones that God longs to fulfill (Psalm 37:4; 145:16).
Read MoreChoosing My Ultimate Allegiance
During a long layover in an airport years ago, I experienced some unpleasant interaction with airport staff. While wandering the terminal looking for something to help pass the time, I came upon the lounge for the particular airline I was flying. My immediate thought was “here is a place to relax for a few hours.” Knowing nothing at that time about how airline lounges operated, I was stopped at the door and asked if I needed help. When I said I just wanted to come in to hang out between flights, the woman asked to see my boarding pass. After staring at it for a few moments, her gaze shifted to me. Her eyes scanned me up and down. Her expression changed from a smiling servant to a scowling judge.
“You don’t belong in here,” she said, lifting her nose a bit higher and returning the boarding pass as if it was infected with deadly bacteria. “You can ‘hang out’ over there.” And she pointed to rows of seating on the other side of the hall that were bursting with human bodies. Without another word, she turned and let the door slowly close behind her so I could glimpse what I was being denied: padded chairs that looked as if they could double as beds as well as a buffet line full of all kinds of food and drinks. I walked away, sorry I was missing the comfort, but mostly stinging from being told I was not worthy of such a place. The snub weighed heavy on me for the rest of the day.
Why Does It Hurt So?
We humans hate being turned away and left out. Many associated words come to mind that leave the same residue of pain: shunned, rejected, not welcomed, unwanted, devalued, despised, abandoned. Places, groups, or events that are exclusively for certain people and have strict criteria for who are allowed are always wonderful for those who are “in.” But we who are left out easily let that hurt turn into anger and even bitterness. No one likes being forced to be on the “outside.”
This is especially true when the criteria for being on the inside is based on things we cannot change about ourselves, like skin color, nationality, and ethnicity. Taking a stance of exclusivity has become especially unpopular and even illegal in our present cultural climate. And for most cases, I believe it is good to challenge old and unexamined exclusive attitudes.
Is It Ever Right?
But as a follower of Jesus, I am caught in what feels like a dilemma.
Read MoreChoosing to Live Within Boundaries
Often, the secret to success with any task is learning the basics and trusting the tried-and-true process for getting a particular job done. I believe this can apply to almost any skill. I remember my dad teaching me to wash a car: always start at the top and work down. That basic idea seems to work well for almost any type of cleaning.
Learning to drive a car at age 16, I thought I was a pro within the first couple days. Practicing regulating my speed and judging braking distance felt too basic after my first week behind the wheel. I was itching for “Indy 500” experiences. However, after nearly running off the road while taking corners, almost rear-ending cars in front of me, and having a head-on collision on a dirt road, I finally adjusted my thinking. Maybe it would be good to master the fundamentals before testing how fast I could drive.
Another example was learning to write. My teachers provided the parameters and rules of composition. Correct spelling, no run-on sentences, organized paragraphs, proper punctuation, etc. But it all felt so restricting. I had story ideas and deep thoughts that I needed to get on a page. My teachers, however, were turning papers back to me with big red question marks next to most the paragraphs. Were they just too slow-witted to recognize brilliance? After a while, it hit me that I needed to learn to write more clearly. And that meant, among other things, applying the rules they were talking about. My ability to express myself grew as I took their directions seriously.
The Disgusting Word
Living within restrictions or boundaries feel unpleasant to most of us. We look for ways to get around them. It is a growing part of our culture to perceive restraints – particularly restrictions that limit self-expression – as wrong, and even, evil. And thus, the word “obey” can send waves of disgust, fear, and instant rebellion through many. Yet, learning to work within rules and instructions are so often the key to success and satisfaction.
Read MoreChoosing Ears that Hear
Ear plugs have become my friend over the years. Whether it’s to dampen outside noise in a motel room with thin walls, help me mute distracting sounds so I can focus on the book I’m reading, or to get a good night’s sleep with a snoring roommate, they’re helpful. But I’m also growing to appreciate how they can protect my hearing. More of my friends are dealing with hearing loss. For some it’s natural with age. For others, it’s a disability or the result of a sickness. Of course, for some it is the result of prolonged exposure to loud noises. They are now paying for the rock concerts of their youth.
To hear well is something we often don’t appreciate until we start losing the ability. Technology is allowing us to make up for some of that loss with ever-more-efficient hearing aids. But overall, I find it is easy for those who don’t know any difference to take hearing for granted. We just don’t think about what it takes to comprehend all that’s going on around us.
Longing to be Heard
I remember when I first spent time with a person born deaf. As a boy, I was fascinated with the thought of not being able to hear anything. I also began to comprehend that if someone has never heard sounds before, he will have difficulty speaking. The boy I met was in my youth group, and we all decided to learn some sign language to help with communication. He was delighted with our attempts and would try to speak as he signed his responses. But I could never understand his spoken words. Reflecting on that experience years later, it dawned on me how much he wanted to be heard, whether it was through his voice or his hands. It’s an innate longing of humans. The need to communicate in some way or form is deeply embedded in each of us.
While disease, accidents, and loud noises can disrupt our physical hearing, there are other kinds of hearing problems that infect us humans. It doesn’t take too long to realize that a person can have fully operational ears but still not really hear what’s going on. Hearing involves more than functional eardrums and an acute sensitivity to sound. There must be a desire and commitment to do what is necessary to understand the meaning of what is being said.
Read MoreChoosing to Admit I Need Help
It is a nameless, forgotten movie from my childhood. But one scene has remained etched in my mind for decades. Perhaps it’s a composite of multiple movies. An individual, walking through a trackless jungle, steps into quicksand. He tries to work his way out, but the more he moves the deeper he sinks. Fortunately, he has a companion who avoided the trap and is able to throw the sinking man a rope or long stick from the edge of the quagmire and pull the friend to safety.
Why has this episode remained so vivid in my memory? It’s probably due to the sheer terror that comes with imagining being so powerless in such a deadly situation. For years afterward, I was on constant lookout in my wanderings through woods or rural areas for any miry hole that I could stumble into. After all, I might not have someone there to pull me out.
Helplessness is a terrible feeling. The inability to move out of an unpleasant, restrictive, or toxic situation can eventually squeeze hope out of a person. Whether it’s life-sucking addictions, character-crushing jobs, soul-suffocating relationships, death-dealing circumstances, or merely mind-numbing boredom: to be unable to lift oneself out of a cheerless pit is cause for all categories of despair. How does one find relief and freedom?
Read MoreChoosing to Let EVERYTHING Pass Through Jesus
Don’t you hate it when you find grounds in your coffee? I am not a barista or even close to being a “coffee snob,” but I imagine there can be multiple reasons for such grit in my morning java. The most common reason I’ve been told, when using a plain ol’ drip coffee maker, is the wrong grind. Too coarse and perhaps you don’t experience the full flavor. Too fine (my tendency) and the water backs up and spills over into the pot, taking bean particles with it. Yuck.
A filter is supposed to take care of this problem. Supposedly, that’s why one is added to the end of a cigarette. It is meant to hold back the stuff you don’t want and let through the stuff that makes the coffee worth drinking and the cigarette less poisonous. But these strainers are for more than just hot beverages and nicotine fixes. Make sure you get new oil and air filters for the next round of maintenance on your car. Furnaces and air conditioners need them too. Don’t forget the water filter. They collect and hold back destructive and unhealthy particles from destroying what’s important to you. In addition, there is the metaphorical filter we all appreciate that people use for their mouths, though often not used. Most agree that not everything that comes through the mind should be spoken.
The concept of filtering can be applied to so many things. But the results are not always positive. For various reasons, many of us also apply filters to our minds and beliefs that keep us from seeing, hearing, and experiencing life-giving ideas and truth. The good stuff can get filtered out too.
Read MoreChoosing to Expand My Love
We’re counting down to Valentine’s Day. Love and romance (or at least the appearance of this duo) are on a lot of people’s minds. Flowers. Chocolate. Heart-shaped candies. Cards that reveal “true” feelings. They are all part of the celebration of love, at least for the month of February.
The word ‘love’ continues to fascinate me. In English we use one word for it but have so many different meanings hidden within that word. People might be indicating they like something, have a desire for something, are excited for something, enjoy something, attracted to something, feel affection for something, want to give something. We have to be intuitive emotional detectives, taking in all the nuance to determine what someone actually means when this word is used.
It is helpful to look at other languages and how they deal with this word and all its potential meanings. I’m told that in Latin American countries, McDonalds translates its slogan “I’m lovin’ it” to “Me encanta.” The Spanish word for ‘love’ (amor) is not used, rather they make it say something like “It enchants me.” I’m sure many other languages have to avoid a direct translation as well.
C.S. Lewis wrote a book in 1960 called The Four Loves. He introduced the English-speaking world to four Greek words that could be translated into English as love, but each carrying a specific distinction. My study of these has helped greatly in deepening and clarifying what I mean as I ponder what I say I love.
Storgē (στοργή) — Affection
According to Lewis, this word is used to talk about love of what is familiar. Included are family bonds (parents with children and siblings), long-term friendships, as well as the fondness we feel for ordinary people, comforting routines, and places that hold special memories. Lewis calls it “the humblest and most widely diffused of loves.”
It is probably what a lot of us mean when we talk about the places we love to go, or the people we love to hang out with, or the things we love to do. It’s that tender and sweet affection we feel for those ordinary things and people in our lives that provide a comforting back drop and sense of stability.
Lewis, however, warns of the dangers of storgē when it takes first place in our lives. It can become possessive – think of the parent that cannot let go of an adult child. It can resist growth, wanting to keep what is comfortable from changing. It can excuse harmful behavior in the name of ‘loyalty.’ And when it is made the ultimate, it becomes very selfish, an idol of familiarity and comfort.
Read MoreChoosing to Sing a New (or Repurposed) Song
Who are those people who play Christmas music year-round? I know a couple of them. And it irritates me a bit. It’s not that I don’t like Christmas-themed songs, it’s just that “Jingle Bells,” in my mind, doesn’t fit during a heat wave in July. Of course, my Down-Under friends in Australia have reminded me that Christmas is a summer holiday for them, and they have learned to accept snow-themed lyrics while sunbathing on a steamy beach.
So, maybe I just need to deal with it.
It reminds me of how songs that were written for a specific objective can be repurposed for a theme or cause never originally intended. Think Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA”: It was originally written as a bitter critique of the ‘American Dream’ and how Vietnam veterans were poorly treated after the war. Yet it somehow became a chest-thumping patriotic hymn (people often don’t absorb all the lyrics). And then there is the Village People’s “Y.M.C.A.” It was originally released in 1978, with at least two of the group’s members claiming it celebrates queer culture and the YMCA as a safe space for gay men. But with its lively tune, fun arm motions, and ambiguous lyrics, it quickly became a family-friendly sports anthem, and a dance routine performed at wedding receptions.
Redeeming a Melody
Religious songs can go through similar metamorphosis. It’s fairly well known that the reformer, Martin Luther, took tunes from drinking songs and turned them into sacred hymns. The melody of “A Mighty Fortress is Our God” first echoed in a German beer hall. Its familiarity grabbed people’s attention while its new sanctified lyrics touched people’s hearts. There was a definite redemptive arc.
Read MoreChoosing to Live by Grace
For as far back as I can remember, I have known the words to the old hymn: Amazing Grace. But the truly amazing thing is how long it has taken me to understand them. The lyrics were written by John Newton, an Anglican minister, on New Year’s Day 1773. They were part of a sermon he gave describing his conversion to Christ. He captained a slave ship in his younger years and almost died in a storm crossing the Atlantic in 1748. His tribute to the grace of God saving a wretch like himself was set to music a few years later. One of the most enduring hymns of all time then came into being.
In my mind, it was most meaningful for those “wretches” that had done unspeakably terrible things. I didn’t see myself as that bad.
Because of my self-righteous attitude, it was difficult for me to appreciate “grace.” To be honest, the word always felt a bit flimsy and fluffy. It seemed to be for those who couldn’t make mature decisions, who needed to have their hands held to get through the day. It didn’t fit my subconscious picture of personal strength and manliness (it was a girl’s name after all). And while I didn’t outright reject the idea, I did push it to the back of mind, never really examining it.
Read MoreChoosing What Lasts
The word “forever” can be interpreted differently depending on what a person wants. A couple reciting their marriage vows might intend the meaning to be “as long as I shall live” or “until things get too difficult.”
A child who claims to have a BFF (best friend forever) could be wanting it to mean “until we part ways,” or “until the end of the school year,” or even “until I find a better friend.”
That person who received a life sentence in prison likely chooses for it to mean “until a successful appeal can be made.”
The English language has so many words that can be used as synonyms for “forever:”
everlasting,
perpetual,
enduring,
undying,
unending,
perennial,
unceasing,
always.
It’s almost as if there is something hardwired inside us to expect, or to long for, things or situations that have no end, or at least things that feel like they have no end. Yet, it is so hard for us mortals to grasp a mental picture of any thing, any situation, any relationship, or any being that could exist forever. We seem to be stuck in an in-between place, imagining and desiring something we cannot fully picture, cannot hold on to, or even cannot decide if we truly want.
It Will Have NO END
The Biblical word is “eternal.” As followers of Jesus, we have been promised eternal life (John 3:16). What does eternal, unending existence mean?
Every once in a while, I realize how little I plan around the idea of living forever. I rarely think about possessing something that never ends and cannot be taken from me. But if I truly believe that endless life is my future, how should I think, respond, and choose differently in my everyday life today?
And horrors of horrors, what if those things to which I give all my time, energy, and thought in this life are the only things available to me in my eternal existence? What qualities, accomplishments, attitudes, or relationships that I presently possess do I want to live with forever? Which ones of them have any eternal value?
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Choose This Day 