Choosing Love Over Fear
Some things terrify me!
What if there’s no one I know in the dining room to sit with? That’s the haunting question for an introvert traveling to speak at other YWAM bases. I wish I didn’t feel that dread in the center of my stomach, but it faithfully shows up wherever I go. At times it takes great effort to choose to go to a meal when I’m traveling alone. It sounds so trivial and I feel embarrassed to admit it. Yet it’s only one of many kinds of fears with which I’ve had to wrestle over my lifetime.
Fear vs. Love?
Fear shows up in countless situations and takes innumerable shapes. How is a follower of Jesus to deal with it? The Apostle Paul told his disciple, Timothy, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7 NLT). The Apostle John said, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18 ESV). From these verses I gather that fear and love are at odds with each other and cannot share the same space. If one is fully embraced, the other is pushed aside. So, why does fear tend to dominate? What’s going on when we feel it bubbling inside?
First of all it’s important to realize that fear is an emotion. It can be a very strong one that becomes enmeshed with our identities if we let it, but it manifests as an emotional sensation nevertheless. Contrast that with love. Though often treated as a feeling, love is fundamentally a choice to give of ourselves to or for another—especially in a sacrificial way. To respond in love rather than fear involves navigating a tension between our emotions and our will. We get to decide which one wins.
What’s the Choice?
When the Angel Gabriel showed up to announce to Mary that she would be pregnant with the “Son of the Most High,” he first said, “Do not be afraid, Mary” (Luke 1:30 ESV). The assumption is that Mary had a choice between responding to the angelic message as a terrified child, or not.
Experience reveals that we cannot necessarily stop ourselves from feeling an emotion—especially fear. We do, however, have the ability to choose what we do when we’re afraid. We can assume the angel had some insight and knew that Mary was terrified and that’s why he said it. And she chose to listen and submit in faith, though her emotions probably were going crazy. Her love for God strengthened her to choose a response that honored Him.
So, how do we grow in our ability to choose to do the loving thing rather than obeying the feelings of fear?
Remembering
While fear tends to isolate us in the straitjacket of how we feel at the moment, love challenges us to recall the big picture. As the Israelites were preparing to cross the Jordan River to face their enemies in the land promised to them, Moses gave clear instructions, “You shall not be afraid of them but you shall remember what the Lord your God did to Pharaoh and to all Egypt” (Deuteronomy 7:18 ESV). They were directed to focus on what their God had done in the past and to trust that He was still the same good God who was with them.
We too must choose to remember and focus on the broader picture of what our God has already done for us. This has the ability to lift us out of the myopic morass we find ourselves in when fear strikes. We are so forgetful when it comes to the work of God in us and around us.
What are We Worshiping?
Fear also urges us to be in awe of the problem or need immediately in front of us. Love, on the other hand, calls us to be in awe of God’s goodness and power. One of the Hebrew words translated into English as “fear” literally means “to stand in awe.” Awe is that position where we find ourselves when deeply impressed with something. It’s a kind of worship. Fear, then, easily turns into idolatry, a twisted form of worship, where we become so impressed with our circumstances or problems that we bow down to them. Real love, however, will always call us to stand in awe of who God is.
We are terribly forgetful people. But we can choose to remember who God is—past, present and future—and not act upon our fears. Even when we don’t feel like it, we have the ability to choose to worship our loving God rather than worship our fearful circumstances.
It’s a daily choice. The fearful feelings stirred within my introverted personality do not necessarily go away. Love, however, calls me to dare to put myself out there, sit with people I don’t know, take risks that terrify me. And I suspect that even extroverts have fears they need to drown in love.
The opportunities to choose love are all around us. Fear not, and let the love of our awesome God lead you!
Response
- What types of things trigger fear in me? What choices do I have when I experience that dreaded feeling?
- What are my beliefs about fear and its power? How can I defy it with love?
- How have I at times acted as if love is merely a feeling? What ends up being the result of this?
- When has the thing I feared become an object of worship because I’ve focused on it so much?
- What will help me keep my worship on God alone?
Choices and More Choices
“Chicken, beef or vegetarian?”
The text was from the planners for an upcoming banquet. My meal choice was needed and I quickly shot back my answer. I was hungry.
Ahh, wouldn’t it be nice if all decisions in life were that easy?
They’re not. Most the time I hate being pushed into issuing a verdict. I often try to put off coming to a conclusion as long as possible because I naturally doubt my initial conviction. Yet it seems there’s always some kind of decision I’m being asked to make—financially, vocationally, relationally, politically, ethically, spiritually, medically, nutritionally, etc., etc. Some feel easy, some seem irrelevant, while others overwhelm me as completely impossible. And I must remember that procrastination and even not choosing at all are all choices. I can’t get away from them!
Following Jesus is the choice I want to focus on. It’s actually a decision made up of many choices: daily, hourly and even minute by minute. They determine what I believe, think and do, as well as how I react, love, hate, give, trust others, and distract myself, all in light of truly being a follower of Jesus. And sooner or later an outcome chases after each one—outcomes, that for better or worse, I must own.
Consequences
Joshua said it several thousand years ago, “Choose this day whom you will serve” (Joshua 24:15). He was fed up with the people of his country waffling on important issues like who their god was going to be. I find, however, that I so dread the thought of being stuck with the results of a bad choice (I don’t have all the information after all) that I look for ways to avoid committing at an intersection in life. Saying ‘yes’ to one thing means saying ‘no’ to one or more others. What if a better option comes along? Can’t I just hold off and sit here for a while, no obligations? Of course I can; that’s a choice. And it will eventually produce some kind of consequence.
As a result, it’s easy to just let life happen, which is releasing others to make choices for me. That then becomes my choice with its own set of consequences. I’m sure that some who were listening to Joshua were thinking, if not saying out loud, “But what if a better god comes along?” Hmm. And how did that work out for them?
They’re Ours to Own
The irony of making decisions is that while we want, and even fight for, the right to make our own choices—resisting the commands of those “Joshuas” who want to control us—we also struggle with it. There are many times we would rather someone just tell us what to do. Choosing can be hard and confusing work. It’s nice to have someone who’s figured it out give us the answer. And if in the end their judgment was wrong then it wasn’t our fault. Right?
Unfortunately, for that way of thinking, an irrefutable law stalks us: everything about our choices belong to us. We choose, whether we realize it or not, how we respond to everything that is thrown at us, even the things we didn’t choose: our DNA, our upbringing and all those crazy, painful outside circumstances or abuses. Though it feels like we don’t have a choice, we still must decide our response, our attitude and our actions. What we do with all that is given or thrust upon us is ours! And as much, if not more, these choices are what make us who we are, for good or for ill.
A lot of Choices to Examine
I want to use this blogging space going forward to talk about what it means to move through every day as a follower of Jesus, depending on His grace but recognizing all the choices before us. There’s actually many to look at because walking with Jesus involves our entire life—every part. And like so many other choices, not committing or half committing our lives to Him (is it possible to half-commit to my wife?) has an eternal consequence.
So, take Joshua’s challenge and choose. Some choices will be as simple as deciding between chicken or beef. Others will force you to search more deeply, determining WHO you’re going to serve each day. And your options are quite limited on that last one. For, as the Bible communicates and one of our American cultural prophets, Bob Dylan, has said, “You’re gonna have to serve somebody. It may be the devil or it may be the Lord, but you’re gonna have to serve somebody.”
The choice is yours.
Reflections
- What are some of the choices I regularly make that I rarely if ever think about?
- In what ways do my everyday choices reflect my level of commitment to following Jesus?
- What is the most powerful influencer of my choices? Circumstances? Feelings? Values?
Choose This Day 