Choosing Lament
Police brutality. Looted stores. Outrage. Burning buildings. I sat horrified in my California home in front of the television back in 1992 as I followed the unfolding story. Four Los Angeles police officers had been acquitted of using excessive force and beating Rodney King, an African American. The incident had been caught on video tape, and the whole world saw that the officers had gone far past what was necessary. Yet there were no convictions. This injustice confirmed what many minority groups already knew: they couldn’t trust the police to protect them, and the judicial system had failed. I watched, at the time, uncomfortable and unsure how to respond. I just wanted the whole thing to be done so I could feel okay.
Fast-forward 28 years.
The viral video of George Floyd pinned to the ground with a Minneapolis police officer’s knee on his neck shocked me. Hearing Mr. Floyd cry out for air and be completely ignored by all the officers present appalled me to the point of disbelief. But then when I realized that Mr. Floyd was killed because he supposedly used a counterfeit twenty dollar bill? The logic center in my brain blew a circuit. There was no rational explanation. And my insides tied themselves into a knot.
What’s to be done?
I’m praying for justice to yet be accomplished. Can our legal system pull it off? Many doubt it, but I’m cautiously hopeful. Yet even if all guilty parties are convicted and given the strongest sentences allowable, what then? Change is desperately needed, of course, to see that something like this and other similar incidents don’t happen again. Change to any laws that would protect this kind of behavior, change in unacceptable police procedures, change in people’s attitudes. And it’s the last one that is the most elusive and yet the most necessary.
When I examine my own attitude, I’m ashamed. The discomfort over what I watched in 1992 was similar to what I’ve felt these past few days in my present city of Minneapolis. Injustice and then violent outrage. I want it to be over: just do whatever is needed to get through this and close it. I know in my head that there is no quick or simple way out of the pit of racial animosity our country smolders in. But that’s what I find myself looking for: arrest, convict and put away these perpetrators. And then everyone can feel better. Right?
Yet deep down I know that’s not the way it works, and the hoped-for convictions guarantee no larger shifts in people’s attitudes. Something else needs to happen within me and a lot of others before meaningful change can come. I personally need to allow something to happen within that I closed off back in 1992. I need to let myself grieve—grieve for a man’s life snuffed out too early; grieve with a family that has experienced a traumatic loss; grieve with the African American community as they deal with yet one more reminder that they are not safe in their own neighborhoods; grieve for my nation that is still weighed down with the burden of racism. Where do I begin?
Read MoreChoosing to See
When I realized what was next to me, I flattened myself against the side of the house in shock. I kept telling myself that this couldn’t be real. Things like this don’t happen here.
My cousin and I had started a window-washing service as our summer job between college semesters. We figured we could make easy money with our pails and squeegees catering to the affluent Los Angeles suburbs. I didn’t mind the washing part. But knocking on doors and soliciting potential customers stretched my non-salesman personality.
A particular experience remains my reason for making that the last summer of door-to-door sales for me. In a very nice Southern California neighborhood, a woman invited me to walk around the outside of her house to calculate an estimate. The area surrounding the back patio was cluttered with assorted items, but my focus was on counting windows. I navigated clay pots, garden tools, patio furniture and other debris scattered through the yard. At one point I glanced down at my feet that were almost touching an inflatable pool toy. The life-size “toy” alligator opened its eyes and turned its head toward me.
Positive that my heart stopped beating, I dropped my clipboard and pressed my back against the wall, unable to make a noise. Looking up for help, I saw another long reptilian figure moving across the grass toward me. The scream that finally found its way to my throat was cut short when the woman of the house popped her head out of the patio sliding-glass door and said, “I forgot to tell you about my pets.” Oh really!?
In the end, we got the job. But when it came time to wash the windows, I did the inside and let my cousin brave the outside. We were college students, afterall, and couldn’t pass up the money.
Blind
Why do we sometimes not see what is right in front of us? The surface answer is that we’re not paying attention. But in many cases, especially for myself, it has to do with not seeing what I’m not expecting—like seven-foot alligators in the LA suburbs. The adage, “I’ll believe it when I see it” is only true part of the time. For many it’s just as true to say, “I’ll see it when I believe it.” Beliefs and sight are closely tied together. Which one comes first is hard to say for sure.
In Matthew 6:22-23 Jesus made a curious statement about our eyes and what they take in: “Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light. But when your eye is unhealthy, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!” (NLT). What are “healthy” and “unhealthy” eyes? I understand Jesus to be talking about a condition in which someone is blind to what’s really in front of him. The danger for this person is that he believes he’s seeing everything as it truly is. But the “light” (or information) he thinks he has is really nothing more than “darkness.” People get lost as well as hurt themselves and others when they walk around in the dark without some kind of light. Another word for this condition is deception.
Read MoreChoosing to Say “I Do” Everyday
This Friday, my wife and I will celebrate 38 years of marriage. We were both 20 when we said, “I do,” having first met when we were freshmen in high school. Many times I’ve been asked two questions: 1) how did we know that we had found the right person to marry (afterall, we were so young), and 2) what has been the “key” to staying married?
There are no simple answers, and this journey of walking out a marriage covenant hasn’t always been smooth. Much of what I think now about relationships has solidified through hindsight and many years of reflection. But I’m confident of this, if I had to do it over again, I would still choose Christine.
I Pledge Myself to . . .
Commitment isn’t an enjoyable word for most of us. Present-day American society operates from the understanding that the more options one has in any area of life, the better: television channels, smart phone apps, salsa brands and even dog food, to name a few (read post Choices and More Choices). Commitment, on the other hand, implies narrowing one’s focus, energy or affection down to a single point and saying “no” to the rest.
The average person today asks, “Why would I limit myself and choose before knowing ALL my options?” Such a response exposes a common fear: what if I commit and then something better comes along? The potential of getting stuck with a “second-rate” alternative (no matter how good it is) creates anxiety for many. We dread the possibility of future frustration, with restrictions on getting what we really want. It has become a virtue to always keep our options open as we search for the “perfect” scenario, or person. Thus we have become a generation of relational dabblers, rarely experiencing the mysterious fruit that comes from binding ourselves to another, long term through whatever may come.
I have learned that commitment, whether it be in marriage, friendship, ministry or work, unlocks doors of opportunity and satisfaction that the open-option approach keeps sealed shut. True commitment changes the way we think about and see others as well as ourselves. When chosen, it exposes and can squeeze out narcissistic tendencies as well as establish a platform for true giving. And in the end, its fruit delivers something more solid and lasting than a life-time of playing the field. If my hope for happiness centers on finding the ideal partner who will meet all my needs and desires, I will never fully commit to anyone in my heart. Afterall, the person of my dreams might be just another date (or marriage) away.
Read MoreChoosing the Pathway Out
There was a screeching sound of metal scraping on cement, and the bus suddenly stopped. I looked at my fellow YWAMer, my stomach in a knot, and silently mouthed the words, “Oh no.”
I was driving an old rehabilitated school bus into the Miami airport to pick up a YWAM outreach team that had just returned from two months in Haiti. Paying more attention to my friend’s story-telling than the road in front of me, I failed to see the “low clearance” signs. The sickening sound of the vehicle’s roof wedging into the concrete overpass was immediately followed by the shrill screams of a cursing parking attendant. Running to my window, he asked how an idiot like myself ever got a driver’s license. And without giving me a chance to reply, his diatribe continued, ending with a list of pronouncements: I would be ticketed. The air would be let out of all the tires to unwedge the bus. And a truck would be called to tow and impound my vehicle.
In the moment, what he said made sense. I stared, stunned, speechless and feeling the stupidity he was vocalizing over me. Other careless driving mistakes flooded my memory. But this time, there were 20 exhausted students along with several children waiting for me at that moment to be picked up and driven back to East Texas. I was guilty as accused, and others were going to suffer because of it. I could feel invisible cords tightening around me. I deserved this. And I saw no way out.
Bondage
Trapped? Stuck? Despairing? So many of us are overwhelmed with hopelessness at various moments in life. These dark emotions either jump on us all at once with shock and confusion or slowly build a case against us that feels so true it cannot be challenged or denied. And though we hate it, something inside says, “amen.” It feels true and even just. It fits an old internal narrative we’ve heard as long as we can remember: “There’s something wrong with you!”
Condemnation is the source of so many desperate moments in the life of a Jesus follower. It’s that resonating feeling that agrees with voices spoken by others, voices in my own head or a combination of both. These accusations often begin with, “You always. . .” or “You will never. . .” They attack my identity, question my worth and confirm every guilty act I’ve ever committed. Grace is never part of their vocabulary. They seek to bind my past to me so tightly that I cannot imagine ever separating from it. And to top it all off, I quickly and ever-so-naturally agree. This then becomes the blueprint for my future because it’s just who I am.
Read MoreChoosing to Not Stir God’s Jealousy
Scenario 1: An ugly thing. A man claims the sole right to his girlfriend’s attention and affection. He gets heated when she laughs with a coworker or appears to be sharing something personal with an acquaintance. He looks as if he wants to hurt someone when the FedEx delivery guy lingers a little too long at her desk. Observers shake their heads, wondering how someone can be so dense and immature. Doesn’t he know she doesn’t belong to him? Afterall, that’s not how love is supposed to work.
Or does it?
Scenario 2: A heart-breaking thing. A woman stares at her wedding ring with tears smeared across her cheeks. She replays in her mind that day when he vowed to give himself completely to her and no other for as long as they both would live. But there’s more than enough evidence now to the contrary: numerous late nights at work, passcode changed on his phone. And then there are the multiple sightings she’s been told of—dinner with her. The theater with her. Strolls in the park with her. In a surge of anger mixed with pain, she removes the ring and hurls it against the wall. Doesn’t he know that he belongs to his wife, not her? That’s how marriage is supposed to work.
Is it?
Broken Covenant
Jealousy is unpleasant and rightfully condemned in relationships—that is, unless there have been binding vows exchanged. Somehow, marriage commitment changes matters. What starts out as mutual attraction morphs into two people in love. The lovers then commit in matrimony to reserve their affection, intimacy and bodies for each other, uniting their lives in an exclusive intimacy. So, how is one supposed to feel if his partner violates this covenant?
Suppose a friend observes my wife spending “extra” time with the FedEx delivery man as he drops off packages. It starts with him lingering longer than necessary at her work to chat. Then he begins leaving little gifts on her desk, including a vase of red roses, that she seems to thoroughly enjoy. Finally, my friend happens to see them together at a coffee shop, holding hands. The friend solemnly approaches me and shares all that’s been observed. What would he think if I responded with, “Yeah, I know. But I’m sure it doesn’t mean anything. Besides, she’s old enough to make her own decisions. No big deal.”
I imagine this friend, and anyone else who heard my reaction, would question how much I love my wife. They might also begin to understand, in light of my indifference, why she finds the FedEx man attractive. On the other hand, what would be an appropriate reaction as a husband? Distress? Tears? Anger? My response to unfaithfulness reveals how much I value the relationship in the first place. Jealousy is fitting when what has been pledged to me is given to someone else. And I’m not the only one who feels that way.
Read MoreChoosing to Wear the Right Protection
It’s known as PPE: personal protection equipment. And from everything I’ve read, for our health-care workers combating COVID-19, there is a shortage of it. If you’re not familiar with what PPE looks like, Google it. The full outfit, when put on, is quite intimidating, and from what I’ve been told, not very comfortable. Yet it saves lives. Many of the deaths from the Coronavirus in the hardest-hit regions of the world have been among medical personnel who did not have the proper gear. The right protective covering can make all the difference, especially when battling an unseen enemy.
There are other invisible dangers in this world besides parasitic microbes. Yes, a pandemic is scary when you’re not sure where or how you might be infected. But what about the infestation of “spiritual viruses” that have eternal consequences for every person in the world? They threaten us daily and leave many broken, confused and completely lost. Lies that are believed. Shame and guilt that never leave. Doubts. Fears. Loneliness. A defeated heart. Pride.
The Apostle Paul laid out God’s provision for our protection against such insidious infections in Ephesians 6:10-18. This passage envisions our struggle against unseen forces as a battle. Our survival, well-being and victory depend on our making use of armor that protects us from a hidden enemy intent on our destruction, or at least our ineffectiveness. The PPE that Paul outlines follows what was ancient-Roman battle gear. But the imagery is still applicable for Jesus followers today who are aware that spiritual sickness and brokenness is just as bad as, if not worse than, physical infirmity.
What is God’s Personal Protection Equipment for us?
The Belt of Truth (Ephesians 6:14a)
A lot of us Jesus followers still carry debilitating burdens. Much of the baggage is rooted in the disinformation we believe about ourselves, the world around us and the nature and character of God. The power of a lie is that it feels true. And when we rely primarily on what feels right within to determine what is real, we are in danger of believing the wrong thing about so many life issues. Our lives easily end up stuck in places we never intended or wanted to be.
My baseline for reality must be grounded in something outside myself. Just as the other pieces of a Roman soldier’s armor connected into his belt, truth for a Jesus follower is what binds the rest of God’s PPE together. If I am believing false stuff, particularly about my identity and who God is, nothing in my faith walk is secure. Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life” (John 14:6). He is the one who must define truth for me—what He says, what He does, what He reveals—regardless what I feel. Am I cinching the truth of Jesus more tightly around me? It holds everything else up afterall.
Read MoreChoosing to Be Brave
I woke this morning and didn’t feel like getting up. Yes, my body was sore from some recent ambitious exercise. But that wasn’t the reason I wanted to stay in bed. I realize now that I was wrestling with fear. I was feeling apprehension that this quarantine is never going to end. I was feeling anxious that we are going to run out of money. I was worried that there are things I should be doing that I’m not. I was feeling afraid that somehow I have missed my life calling, though I don’t know what that might be. Remaining under the blankets felt like the overall best option for the day.
I finally decided to get up and make coffee for my wife. While standing there grinding the beans, my thoughts turned to Psalm 46, which I have been meditating on the past few days. “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea…” I began to feel better.
Fear versus Courage
Angst lurks around every corner seeking to entrap us. Immersed in a world-wide pandemic and isolated from our normal routines, these circumstances produce fertile soil for fear of all kinds. And once we give in to one it seems that there are 20 more pushing behind it. Feelings of fear quickly multiply when we let them. But how do we stop it all? Winston Churchill supposedly said, “Fear is a reaction. Courage is a decision.”
I agree. Fear seems to pounce without warning, giving the impression that we have no option but to submit and let it maul us. Courage, however, is a choice to defy fear—act the opposite. Rarely, if ever, do I feel courageous. So, I can’t count on my feelings to come around. It was the cold decision to get out of bed this morning that challenged my paralyzing thoughts. In the same way I must actively choose to fight any fear that would try to dominate me during this season.
What’s the Choice?
The Bible is sprinkled with phrases like, “fear not” or “be not overcome by fear.” It’s usually stated by God or His representative when someone is facing bleak or evil circumstances. It also often precedes an announcement from God or one of His angels. God’s words, when rightly heard, often can cause us to shake with uneasiness. Take Luke 1:30 for example. When the angel Gabriel appeared to Mary to inform her that she had been selected to give birth to God’s Son, his words, “Do not be afraid, Mary,” were necessary. Why?
Read MoreChoosing to Take the Long Way
There’s something gratifying about finding a way to make a long journey shorter. I look to my GPS for help these days. But even when I was a kid, a shortcut was always appreciated. When I was 12, my friends showed me a quicker way to the store where we could buy candy. It happened to go through a stranger’s backyard and across his patio. I used it many times until an angry man stuck his head out a window and yelled at me, threatening to call the cops. Shortcuts may get you where you want to be sooner, but they can create unforeseen problems as well. Looking for a quicker way can also become a mindset that touches all my choices.
The temptation to reach goals faster, cut corners or bypass steps in a process shows up in a multitude of situations. Businesses consider it when they have the option of offering lower-quality products. Builders face it when they’re trying to increase their profit margin. Students have to make a choice when they discover a way to cheat on a test and get the ‘A’ with minimal studying. I fall into it when I’m assembling IKEA furniture and don’t want to take time to read the instructions. A shortcut offers a more direct path to an objective and the feeling that I have escaped unnecessary pain, suffering or drudgery. But at what hidden cost?
The Easier Path
Jesus was offered a shortcut. It was His third temptation in the desert (for thoughts on the first and second, read Choosing to Not Take the Bait and Choosing to Not Test God). We’re told in Matthew 4:8-11 that the devil took Him to a high mountain where they saw all the kingdoms of the world and said he would give them to Jesus if He would only kneel before Satan. Of course Jesus resisted and told the devil to leave, reminding him that the scriptures instruct us to worship and serve God only. While it’s no surprise that He didn’t give in to Satan, I have wondered what was so attractive about the Evil One’s offer. What could possibly tempt Jesus to bow down to the devil?
Read MoreChoosing to Put My Hope in Something Worthy
The governor of Minnesota recently announced that the number of COVID-19 cases will most likely peak in our state at the end of June. Some are forecasting that it could take 18 months to get through this. And then when I add in the economic gloom for who-knows-how-long, as well as news that some people I know have contracted the virus, I feel depression knocking at my door. This isn’t going to be a sprint, and I can’t see how it’s going to end.
“Hope” is a nice word for such a time we’re in now. But how does that word play out in this season of the coronavirus? How do we find real hope when most the news coming at us feels dark with no reliable light at the end of the tunnel?
What Does It Actually Mean?
An online dictionary defines hope as “the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.” While this is how most people generally think of hope, I have a problem with this definition. It reduces hope to a mere feeling. And if I’ve learned anything about feelings, it’s that they’re unreliable and rarely stick around. For such a time as this, I need something that works apart from my emotions and that I can rely on regardless what I’m feeling as I scan the news.
I prefer to understand hope as the belief that there is good in the future. Beliefs can be felt at times, but they aren’t dependent on feelings. To believe that there is something ahead that can give me a kind of goodness that will make my present pain and confusion melt away gives me strength to endure today. Hope is more than wishing for something to be true. It’s the confidence that the way things are now is not the way they’re going to remain.
Not Everything is Worthy
My definition, however, requires hope to be rooted in something that can deliver the goods. Sometimes hope is put in things that do not have the capacity to produce what I am truly desiring. “I hope I can make more money and finally find peace.” Or “I hope I can find a ‘significant other’ and finally feel secure.” And even, “I hope a certain person gets elected as president so I can finally feel good that my country’s problems are going to improve.” None of these, though they involve significant issues that impact my life, are worthy of my hope. They can’t deliver the bottom line of what my heart is longing for. Unfortunately, many of us have built our lives on false hopes. We believe that if this particular thing will change or can be added, then I will be able to have a better life. Yet, even if on the surface we get what we want, sooner or later it always seems to feel empty again.
Read MoreChoosing to Do My Part
I was recently asked, “Why are people who are being prayed for still getting sick and even dying?” With the COVID-19 pandemic hammering people’s sense of control of their lives, many are giving prayer a try. But what if it doesn’t work? What if I still become ill or a person I care for dies? For some, this global health crisis is putting God and prayer on trial. “If asking for the ‘Big Guy’s’ help doesn’t change anything, then I’ll just have to depend on my own abilities to protect myself and my family. And I’ll know not to count on Him.”
Unanswered prayer has been a challenge for believers for as long as there has been prayers prayed. For many, the lack of hoped-for results from their prayers indicates either God doesn’t exist, He doesn’t really care, or He just doesn’t have the ability to change anything about their problems. In many people’s minds unanswered prayer equals God is irrelevant. Yet, I believe there are other ways to understand how prayer works and what goes on in the spiritual realm.
We’re told that effective prayer requires faith (Matthew 21:22, James 5:15). We’re also told that in the spiritual realm, faith is a shield that extinguishes the fiery darts of the devil (Ephesians 6:16). Thus, I understand that faith-filled prayers can form a shield or wall that provides covering and protection in times of distress and danger. But here’s the important part: prayer is not meant to be merely an individualistic endeavor. In other words, I should not view my personal faith-filled prayer as the only thing that’s covering me. A community of shields being lifted creates a larger canopy over myself, my family, my community, my nation and the world. Our prayers are meant to intertwine and form something bigger than what I alone can produce.
Defensive Measures
In ancient warfare, soldiers typically overlapped or interlocked their shields to form a protective wall in battle. From the Greek hoplite and Roman legionary to the soldiers of Medieval armies, forming shield walls was standard practice when engaging an enemy. An individual was dependent on the overlapping shields of his fellow fighters to protect his vulnerable blind side. He in turn shielded the exposed side of the soldier next to him. I imagine such a covering could have been one of the things the Apostle Paul had in mind as he described the full armor of God in Ephesians 6.
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Choose This Day 