Choosing My Habits
It was my high school Spanish teacher who challenged an old axiom I had heard all my life.
“Practice makes perfect.”
This little phrase had been a mantra that I had assumed must be in the Bible somewhere because I heard it so much. It was the challenge used to keep me at my piano lessons (which I eventually quit). It promised great results for my plans to become a famous artist (which I gave up on), and pushed me in sports (for which I eventually lost interest). Consistent practice was hard. But it was supposedly the pathway for developing good habits and accomplishing all the things I dreamed about!
Of course, the other side of the coin is true also: practice what you claim to value (even when you don’t feel it). Most good fruit in a person’s life results from good practices established that turn into good habits. Practice matters. We cannot honestly separate what we habitually do from who we are.
My Spanish teacher, however, popped the bubble. She said, “Only perfect practice makes perfect.” Her point, I assume, was that if I practice Spanish without correcting errors of pronunciation or syntax, I’m only reinforcing mistakes and will forever sound like a careless, ignorant Gringo. In other words, mediocre practice produces mediocre results.
It’s Too Hard
She was right, of course. But I took this rebuke to heart in the opposite direction she intended. It didn’t motivate me to study Spanish. Why even try? I knew I was not self-disciplined, and this language thing was not coming naturally. Disciplined practice was suddenly overrated! This thought became a foundation stone for giving up on many other practices for many years to come. “If I can’t do it perfectly, why even try?” But ironically, I was living out her words in a way I didn’t realize.
I was practicing and becoming very proficient in defeatism and making excuses. For a while, though I did not recognize it as such, this was the “disciplined” mindset to which I gave myself. I felt that there was nothing I could do to a standard of perfection. Interestingly, there is a body of psychological studies behind these kinds of mindsets and how habits (good and bad) are formed. It can be quite interesting. . . and spiritual.
Read MoreChoosing to NOT Feel Sorry for Myself
Ever been treated badly? Abandoned? Insulted? Ignored? Forgotten? Replaced? Taken for granted? Or just feel like you never get a break and nothing goes your way?
Join the club!
I have felt the sting (and sometimes the gut-punch) of all these abuses and misfortunes in my lifetime. I have not always responded in the healthiest way: anger, accusation, and resentment have been common. But my favorite go-to for a good part of my life has been the cuddly-soft emotional blanket of self-pity.
The word “pity” comes from a Latin word that means “dutiful respect” or “devotion.” Its roots are closely related to the English word, “piety.” To show pity to others fundamentally refers to “dutifully showing respect” for the pain or suffering of those around us. But when this pity turns inward, we “dutifully” give ALL our attention and energy to the care and comfort of OUR OWN wounds and bruised feelings. The more we indulge in this type of “self-care,” the more it becomes an engrained pattern. We have less time and energy to direct compassion toward others as well as to respond to what God desires to show us.
Read MoreChoosing to Obey
Often, the secret to success with any endeavor is learning the basics of a needed task and trusting the tried-and-true process. I believe this can apply to almost any skill. I remember my dad teaching me to wash a car: always start at the top and work down. That basic idea seems to work well for almost any type of cleaning.
Learning to drive a car at age 16, I thought I was a pro within the first couple days. Practicing regulating my speed and judging braking distance felt too basic after my first week behind the wheel. I was itching for “Indy 500” experiences. However, after nearly running off the road while taking corners, almost rear-ending cars in front of me, and having a head-on collision on a dirt road, I finally adjusted my thinking. Maybe it would be good to master the fundamentals before testing how fast I could drive.
Another example was learning to write. My teachers provided the parameters and rules of composition. Correct spelling, no run-on sentences, organized paragraphs, proper punctuation, etc. But it all felt so restricting. I had story ideas and deep thoughts that I needed to get on a page. My teachers, however, were turning papers back to me with big red question marks next to most the paragraphs. Were they just too slow-witted to recognize brilliance? After a while, it hit me that I needed to learn to write more clearly. And that meant, among other things, applying the rules they were talking about. My ability to express myself grew as I took their directions seriously.
The Disgusting Word
Living within restrictions or boundaries feel unpleasant to most of us. We look for ways to get around them. It is a growing part of our culture to perceive restraints – particularly restrictions that limit self-expression – as wrong, and even, evil. And thus, the word “obey” can send waves of disgust, fear, and instant rebellion through many. Yet, learning to work within rules and instructions are so often the key to success and satisfaction.
When a person’s default is to resist limits or authoritative guidance, he or she has a hard road ahead. Obedience is a skill that when properly applied contributes to success. Sure, there are constraints that need to be challenged, unfair rules that should be discarded. Not all boundaries contribute to flourishing. But many are there to help us flourish. We need to make sure we first understand why there are limits present in the first place before we start blindly disregarding them.
Read MoreChoosing the Process Over the Product
“Christianity doesn’t work.”
I’ve been told this more than once. Someone explains why he’s giving up his faith, and it usually has something to do with him not getting what he feels he needs. Typically, references are made to unanswered prayers; troubling questions without satisfactory answers; doctrines that don’t make sense; and of course, there is always that person or group of people who claim to be Christians and are jerks. He simply does not want to be associated with such ignorance or insensitivity anymore. His position is often summed up with a statement like, “Neither the world nor my life has improved because of Christianity. In fact, it’s made everything worse. So I’m moving on.”
So, what makes something workable and worth sticking with it? I don’t know if it’s a Western thing or just a human thing that leads so many in my culture to judge something or someone according to how everything turns out. It is my tendency. If I have an itchy scalp, the question for the new shampoo I’m purchasing is, does it take the itch away? If it doesn’t work it’s not meeting my felt need, and it’s not good for me. This is how I, and I’m sure most people, judge consumer products.
But is it the right way to look at all of life?
Read MoreChoosing to Give Myself
The word ‘love’ in English is quite pliable. I can say that I love my wife and I love pizza, and most people will not accuse me of reducing my spouse to a mere platter of pepperoni nor looking to marry an Italian meal. The word can refer to a need (a plant “loves” water) or enthusiasm for a particular thing or activity (my son “loves” the Minnesota Vikings). It can also describe a profoundly tender affection for another (I love my children). In addition, it can reference almost every positive feeling between the two extremes. This flexibility, however, can sometimes lull us into not thinking about what we mean when we use the word. For a follower of Jesus, care in what we say we love and particularly in what we do love has important theological, and eternal, implications.
When I talk about the concept of love with others, I like to point out that it is much more than a feeling. It is a type of choice. Most people agree with this in theory but then get a bit uncomfortable when we examine how we apply the term. When we use phrases like “falling in love,” or “falling out of love” there’s no getting around the idea that we’re talking about an emotion that acts independently of our will. It can be here one moment and gone another. Such usage leaves the impression that we are helpless victims to this thing we call love. So much of today’s understanding of relationships (romantic and otherwise) is centered on what we feel about a person at any given moment. All the fluctuation in our feelings can stir up deep insecurity in relationships, not to mention crass cynicism. Love does not seem very stable.
A More Durable Understanding
The biblical presentation of love, however, talks about something more reliable than good and affectionate feelings. How else should we interpret Jesus’ command to “love one another” (John 15:12)? He tells His followers to do it, no qualifications, or exceptions. Most people realize that feelings cannot be commanded to come or go. Instead, feelings tend to follow our beliefs, our choices, and what we focus our attention on. The love Jesus is talking about, therefore, must be something we choose to engage with regardless of what we may or may not feel. It is a matter of obeying Him.
A definition I find helpful for this understanding of love is choosing to give the highest good to another. It is what God does for us and what he tells us to do for others. Sometimes the words that carry the meaning of love the best are I still choose you.
Read MoreChoosing to Resist an Adulterous Heart
The first time I remember contemplating the word “adultery,” I wondered why it was called that. My conclusion, as a child, was that it was a word to describe the many things that adults do. Though I did not understand it, at the time, this homemade etymological explanation made sense to me. The world of adults was still mysterious. It wasn’t till I was a teen that the more specific meaning became clear. The word “adultery” was then replaced with a more contemporary term, “having an affair.”
But opportunities to ponder expressions of the word did not go away. Movies and stories referred to it. I eventually heard of colleagues and friends having extra-marital affairs, occasionally calling it adultery. But my understanding of the meaning had to be expanded when I ran across something Jesus said to those following Him:
“Then some of the scribes and Pharisees answered him, saying, ‘Teacher, we wish to see a sign from you.’ But he answered them, ‘An evil and adulterous generation seeks for a sign, but no sign will be given to it except the sign of the prophet Jonah’” (Matthew 12:38-39 ESV).
How could an entire generation of people be adulterous?
Recently, I returned to wrestling with this question. The word, used as an adjective in this verse, doesn’t seem to refer to sexual unfaithfulness. So, what’s behind it?
Read MoreChoosing to Not Give Up
After my face was smashed into the sweaty mat several times by a brute bigger than me I changed my mind. That was enough, and I gave up the thought of becoming a wrestler. The high school coach had said he could make me a champion, but one practice was enough. Sure, I was young and wanted to prove my strength and sense of manly confidence. But there was nothing glorious about this. The air in the room was stifling hot with the scent of body odor permeating everything. I walked out of that wrestling room seeing nothing worthwhile in submitting myself to such an abusive workout every day for an entire season.
I look back now and wonder what I could have become if I had believed the coach enough to persevere. A different perspective has taken hold over the years. Wrestling now seems to be a poignant metaphor for life. And the longer I seek to follow Jesus, the more wrestling images come to my mind. But, at the same time, it doesn’t seem right. Shouldn’t my expectations of the Christian life be that of royalty sitting at a table having all that I need or want served on a silver platter? I am a child of the Creator and King of the world after all. I have been given the assurance of ruling with Christ and judging angels!
Uncomfortable and Confused
This seems to be the tension of following Jesus. He came to earth to make me a child of God (John 1:12), and has even said that I will one day share His glory (Romans 8:17). So many promises have been made that reinforce the idea that I am a favored child and should expect nothing less than good gifts from my Heavenly Father (Galatians 3:26; 1 John 3:1; James 1:17). But then there are promises of sharing in Christ’s sufferings (Philippians 3:10-11). I am called to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17), persevere through trials and temptations (Romans 12:12), and remain faithful even if it means an early death (Revelation 2:10).
I am left with two pictures of what I can expect my life to be like as a follower of Jesus, but they stand in tension with each other. It appears that the images of royalty and promises of glory are true. But there is a process of preparation for getting there. There is something that God desires to form in us. And the image of wrestling is an effective metaphor for understanding what that is.
Read MoreChoosing to NOT Make Myself Into a God
Regardless of the secularism that is woven into our present-day culture, we are a generation of worshipers. We tend to revere whatever makes us feel good. And that can cover a broad spectrum of deities. Whether they be the gods of food, money, or sexual expression, there are a host of individuals and groups who bow and obey whatever these icons dictate. This present-day pantheon, however, is not limited to the traditional fleshly indulgences. Many worship at the altar of education, family loyalty, political power, scientism, and nationalism to name a few more.
You may ask, what is my definition of a god? All that I have mentioned above are a part of living in this world. And that is exactly the problem. We have taken pieces of what are meant to serve humanity here on earth and made them into things to which we sacrifice and give ourselves in ways never meant to be. The way I see it, that which I primarily look to for guidance, meaning, comfort, and provision quickly turns into that which I worship. Afterall, what is worship if it is not the act of giving myself to something I believe will provide purpose and utility for my existence?
Foundational of All
The very first of the 10 Commandments is “You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3). There is a reason it is first. It is primary. All other commandments and expectations of humans according to the three largest monotheistic religions (Christianity, Judaism, and Islam) depend on this understanding. We must choose to resist the temptation of setting up other deities to direct and shape our lives. Because it is the first on the list, it seems that it may be the easiest or most common to break. We need this constant reminder that we must worship nothing else.
We would do well to spend a good amount of time meditating on what this means. NO OTHER GODS! It’s not really saying that no other gods exist. It seems to be indicating that there are many possibilities for gods in our lives and we have to learn to turn away from them and choose to worship the One who is truly and rightfully our God and Maker.
I could go down a list and give you my opinion about the many ways we turn various things, feelings, and ideas into objects of worship. But instead, I’m going to focus on one: the god of self.
Read MoreChoosing the Right Ideas to Consume
Freshly baked bread. The smell and taste of it are difficult to beat, especially when it’s warm, just out of the oven. My mother made it when I was growing up and still occasionally does. It’s a comforting memory associated with pleasant feelings. Even now, as I seek to eat healthier, I often choose to ignore the amount of carbs I’m taking in as I slather butter on the second and third pieces. What is it that gives freshly baked bread its reassuring flavor and satisfying texture?
The mystery of leaven was first introduced to me as I watched Mother bake. She would allow me and my brother to take turns “punching” the rising dough as it expanded. As little boys, we were in awe of how it grew, spilling out of the large bowl. And then of course, there was the final product. Yum! I learned to appreciate yeast even more after tasting a type of bread that had no leaven in it. In the opinion of my young still-developing palate, nothing compared to the light and airy texture a few teaspoons of the ivory-colored grains mixed with flour and water could produce.
Leaven in the Bible
Confusion came when I began to read the Old Testament for myself. Yeast, or leaven, was bad. As the Jews celebrated Passover each year, they were instructed to cleanse their homes of any form of the substance. What? Get rid of this wondrously magical stuff? I learned that on one hand it was meant to remind Israel of their rescue from slavery, when they did not have time to use yeast and let their bread rise before baking. On the other hand, the prohibition on all forms of leaven for the Passover celebration seemed to indicate that yeast represented something negative.
I read the words of Jesus and was more confused. After performing the great miracle of provision — multiplying bread and fish for thousands — He told his disciples to be alert to the dangers of leaven: the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees (Matthew 16:6). Being that these two religious and political groups were not known for their baking skills, what was Jesus talking about?
Read MoreChoosing a Strong Finish
I had a short stint running track when I was in middle school. It was enjoyable until the coach put me in an 800 meter race that I had not prepared for. As a sprinter, I applied what I knew and started out strong. But halfway through I had nothing left and ended up coming in last place. Not only was that the last track meet I ever participated in, but it was also the day it dawned on me that what is reserved for the end of a race is just as important, if not more so, as what is put in at the start.
Of course, beginnings are important. Poor starts in athletic events, and life itself, can make winning seem impossible. But even with a disappointing outset, the end is never fully determined until the crossing of the finish line or the ticking of the last second off the clock. It’s true of races, soccer matches, and football games. The way a person or team finishes, more than how they begin, says much about who they are and what they value.
This is true for how life and faith are lived out as well.
They Were Chosen, But . . .
The Bible is full of stories of people who started out well but are now remembered for their poor finishes. Saul, the first king of Israel, comes to mind. He seemed to be such a humble unassuming guy when he was first anointed to lead Israel. But by the time his reign ended, he was ignoring all the instructions of God’s law and prophets and was a paranoid and unstable man. And then there was Judas. Chosen by Jesus as one of the Twelve, he had every opportunity to be remembered as one of the pillars of the Christian faith. Instead, he ended up being a thief and betraying Jesus for a bag of silver.
Strong beginnings in life are helpful. But it is how one finishes that speaks the loudest and most powerfully impacts those watching.
Read More
Choose This Day 