Choosing Hard Conversations
I was 19 years old working a summer job between college semesters painting our little town’s city hall. It was a season of experiencing new life in my spiritual walk with Jesus. One day, I was overjoyed to have a conversation with a local business owner next to the government building, in which he expressed thanksgiving for all that Jesus had done in his life. I was encouraged and shared a bit of my spiritual journey. He seemed encouraged as well.
The next day, as I was high up on some scaffolding, I overheard the businessman’s conversation with a customer below in his shop. The windows were open. The exchange got heated. The businessman’s volume increased, and his language became abusive, calling the customer many foul things. I was devastated over the behavior of my Christ-following brother. And for the rest of the day and all that night I couldn’t get out of my mind all the things the man had said.
In the middle of the night, the thought occurred to me that I should talk to him about what I had heard and how it had affected me. I did not like that thought. The next morning and all through my day of work, the thought would not leave. Just before going home, I happened to see him. Trembling, I told him what I had heard and how poorly I thought it had represented Jesus. The man looked at me in shock and was speechless for a few moments. He finally waved his hand, muttering “nobody’s perfect” and walked away. For the rest of the summer, I never saw him again. I suspect he made it a point to avoid me.
Because I care?
To this day, I can’t say for sure that talking to him about his behavior was the right thing to do. I only know that I was hoping (rather naively I suppose) that he could be a true Christian brother and we could encourage and challenge one another in our faith throughout those long summer days. What I am certain of today is that there are always going to be conversations to be had that are very hard. And I have wrestled with the question over the years whether or not they’re worth having. As a husband, father, son, brother, friend, and ministry leader, why bother with bringing up difficult things with people, especially with people I want to have a good relationship with? Why not work to avoid the uncomfortable and “keep the peace?”
Read MoreChoosing to Need Forgiveness
“I’m so disappointed,” the young man said to me. “I came here wanting to experience God’s love. But I have felt nothing new. This has been a waste of my time.”
I was interviewing one of our discipleship students as the program was winding down. It is always discouraging to hear our students give negative reports and to hear of it only at the end of the program. Frustrated and unsure how to respond, I quickly asked God for guidance. Typically I would try to come up with some kind of encouragement in an interview like this to redirect the conversation to a more positive outcome.
But, in response to my prayer, a scripture came to mind.
Nothing to forgive?
A woman came to Jesus and anointed his feet with expensive perfume. When she was criticized for doing this, Jesus made a very interesting comment about her and the nature of love: “Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven – for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little” (Luke 7:47 ESV).
Read MoreChoosing to See Glory Next Door
It’s a classic idea for a romance story. A prince, a princess, or a wealthy heir for some reason goes undercover and lives as an ordinary, unassuming character. In the course of everyday life, someone gets to know the royal or moneyed individual as just a common, regular person and falls in love. And then at a strategic moment in the story, it is revealed that the one he or she loves is so much more than was first recognized. Wedding bells soon are ringing.
Audiences seem to never really get tired of imagining this kind of scenario. It gratifies a certain desire for happiness – the kind that jumps out and pleasantly surprises. Choosing someone even when his or her fame or glory is hidden or completely unknown reveals a purity of love that we all find attractive. But, does this kind of thing ever really happen outside of a Hallmark movie?
In the essay, The Weight of Glory, C.S. Lewis touches on this subject in his own unique way. He starts by exploring human desire and the ways we work to satisfy it. He challenges the reader to see that God is not asking us to repress all our longings and cravings. Rather, our Maker is wanting us to learn to redirect our desires and appreciate the pleasures He designed for us to live in and enjoy forever. The form of bliss Lewis explores is that of being seen, applauded, and praised by someone we recognize as greater than ourselves. This sort of pleasure is obvious in a Golden Retriever as it relishes in its master’s praise. It is also noticeable in a child who is verbally affirmed by a teacher or parent. And even adults, whether they admit it or not want to hear words of support and encouragement from a boss who has high expectations. To be seen and praised by one who is in an authority position can stir a heart on to greater accomplishment, touching a longing we might not even know we had.
Where does this desire come from and where can it lead?
Read MoreChoosing the Ancient Way
Newer is almost always better than older. This is especially true with technology and when deciding what leftovers in the refrigerator to eat. New cars with lower mileage, for example, are almost always preferable to the old ones. Almost. There are the vehicles considered classics and in high demand. The first one that comes to mind is the Volkswagen Microbus. My parents had one for a short time during the 60’s. I was a small kid, but I remember it well. It was fun! Being before seatbelt laws, I remember the pleasure of unrestrained mobility inside a moving vehicle.
What makes some older things better than newer ones? It seems to have something do with what they remind us of. Classic cars recall simpler days and more powerful engines. The VW bus, minus a powerful engine, is associated with the counter-culture movement and the ideals of simplicity. Certain old items as well as old concepts can teach us and help clarify what is important by reminding us of what worked in former days as opposed to all the “new stuff” we are bombarded with today. Examining the past can bring clarity to the present and guidance for navigating the future.
There’s Nothing That’s Truly New
King Solomon is attributed with saying, “There is nothing new under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 1:9). Old ideas have a way of refurbishing themselves and appearing new. As far back as 460 B.C. Greek philosopher, Democritus, theorized that everything is made up of tiny invisible particles. Most everyone dismissed the idea as clearly not fitting reality. More than 2,000 years later atomic theory was developed and is now an undisputed foundation of the sciences.
In Mark Twain’s Own Autobiography, he famously wrote, “There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. We give them a turn and they make new and curious combinations. We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely; but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages.”
There are many old things that I am happy to say “good riddance” to, like lead paint, mercury fillings, and 8-Track music tapes. But, what might be some of the “old pieces of colored glass,” or even ancient pieces of the kaleidoscope, that have been discarded by many today yet contain treasure more valuable than ever for our present world?
Read MoreChoosing to Surrender
I chaperoned a field trip for my daughter’s elementary school class years ago. We went to San Antonio, Texas and toured the Alamo Mission. Having lived in Texas for several years by that time, the history of the place was already familiar. As part of settlers in 1836 seeking to break away from Mexican rule, 189 defenders in the Alamo took on more than 2000 Mexican troops. All the Alamo fighters died, except for a few non combatants. Among the dead was the famous frontiersman and Tennessee congressman, Davy Crockett.
As I wandered through the historical site, trying to keep track of 5th graders who had little interest in early 19th century history, a thought occurred to me. What if the defenders of the Alamo had just surrendered? I didn’t dare speak this question out loud for any of my Texan friends to hear. The Alamo and the death of its defenders in the fight for independence is a national shrine of Texan pride for many. “Remember the Alamo” is still a slogan that can be heard in certain regions of the state. But the question persisted: was it really necessary for them all to fight to the death? Why didn’t they raise the white flag when they saw they were surrounded, and victory was hopeless?
Why not raise the white flag?
It got me thinking about what keeps people from surrendering. Of course there are times and seasons where, like the Alamo defenders, we honor those who tenaciously hold on against overwhelming odds: those battling cancer or some other terminal disease; those wrestling with mental illness or addictions; those persevering in hope through sadness and loss; those who resist bitterness and choose to forgive and even honor relationships that have been hurtful. Yes, there are times when surrendering to the forces lined up against us is not the best or right thing to do.
I find that I want to resist surrendering when I believe that the force or person to whom I feel forced to acquiesce is untrustworthy and intends me harm. I don’t want to give in to bad people or situations that will destroy what I value. Another source of resistance to surrendering is the fear of who or what I will become (or look like) if I concede to the pressure and just “roll over.” Surrendering exposes aspects of my character and identity. If I submit and give up, I can appear to be cowardly, selfish, and shallow. And I definitely want to resist that.
The question remains, however; when (if ever) is it appropriate, healthy, and right to give up and stop resisting the force that is pushing in to conquer me?
I think I can best explore this through the retelling of a bit of history.
Read MoreChoosing a Jolly New Year!
I didn’t grow up believing in Santa Claus. But as a child, I still enjoyed the image he provided for a special and “magical” season. It wasn’t until I became an adult that I made the connection between Santa and Saint Nicholas. And it has been through reading about the life and legends of this Early-Church saint that my appreciation for a variety of Christmas traditions has deepened.
First of all, though it doesn’t really involve Saint Nicholas, the idea of the 12 Days of Christmas has long fascinated me. I was not raised in a traditional high church, but I understand that there is an old understanding of the first day of Christmas being the 25th of December and the twelfth being the 5th of January, which is the day before the Epiphany celebration. So, in light of the fact that we are still in the midst of the 12 Days, I want to dig into the story of the great Christian saint who morphed into Santa.
Following Jesus from the Very Beginning
He was born around 270 AD to Christian parents in what is today eastern Turkey. Christianity was still considered an “outlaw” sect by the emperors of Rome and thus was not a safe religion to align with. But Nicholas’ parents committed themselves to raising their son in the ways of Christ.
When he was still a boy, both his parents died in a plague that swept the land. He went to live with his uncle who was an abbot in a local monastery. His Christian education continued, and he was eventually ordained as a priest. It wasn’t too long after that, while still a young man, he was made bishop of the port city of Myra. Then a wave of Roman persecution, under the emperor Diocletian, swept the empire. Among thousands of others, Nicholas was jailed, tortured, and placed in solitary confinement. For five years he endured imprisonment, continuously pressured to renounce his faith. It wasn’t until Constantine came into power that he was released. Christianity was then declared a legal religion in 313 AD.
Nicholas went on to live a long life of proclaiming Christ, serving the poor and needy, caring for children. He boldly stood up to political and military leaders, defending the defenseless. By the time he died at age 73, fantastic stories were attached to his name. It was said that he intervened and challenged powerful government officials to save individuals from wrongful executions; he secured shiploads of food for his city when a famine threatened thousands with starvation. And miracles were said to happen through and around him. His image would appear to sailors who thought they were going to die in storms, comforting and leading them to safety. It was said that he even raised several children from the dead who had been murdered. But the most famous story of Saint Nicholas secured his reputation as a gift giver.
Read MoreChoosing an EMMANUEL Christmas
At the beginning of my senior year in high school, my family moved to another state. It was difficult for many reasons. The hardest one was that I was leaving a girlfriend (who would eventually become my wife). This was back before the internet and FaceTime. Cell phones were still a thing of the future, and long-distance calls were expensive. Yet Christine and I somehow managed to keep our relationship going, eventually attending the same college. But I can say this with conviction: long-distance relationships are difficult.
Zoom meetings (though they got old) made the COVID pandemic, with all its isolation, more tolerable. Yet, the longing for almost everyone was to be with others in person. There are some things that can only be communicated, imparted, and received when we’re together in the flesh!
Christine and I enjoyed our overpriced phone calls and hand-written letters during that last year of high school. But the real thrill came counting down the days to each visit when we would actually be together (and we managed several throughout that year). Those were the moments when I paid attention to every movement, posture, facial expression, fragrance. Her words and smile resonated in my mind and heart in a way that wasn’t possible over the phone. Those visits cemented our love for each other and are part of the foundation of our relationship to this day.
What a Loving Creator Will Do
God began His love affair with humans in person, in a Garden. But through our own fault, we were separated. He provided an opportunity for a long-distance relationship with willing people through laws, regulations, and other communications of His expectations. But while these commandments revealed some aspects of God’s desires and character, intimate connection was painfully difficult to develop merely through a written code.
And at a certain point in human history, God decided it was time for a visit.
Read MoreChoosing the Original Christmas Tradition
Christmas stirs my imagination. Not only can I endlessly ponder the significance of our eternal God becoming a full-fledged human, I am intrigued by the variety of responses in the Bible to this event: Bethlehem shepherds awestruck by an angelic light show; Nazareth residents scandalized by an unwed pregnant teenager in their tight-knit community. Jerusalem’s citizens and king confused and disturbed that a new king is being announced when the old one is still on his throne. But the characters who arouse my curiosity the most are the Magi from the East. Depending on the Bible translation one uses, they are also referred to as kings or wise men in the Gospel of Matthew. They are supposedly our models for the tradition of holiday gift-giving we indulge in today.
But is that all that makes them special?
As I have researched these guys over the years, the main thing I’ve learned is that we really don’t know much about these travelers. We can make some educated guesses taking a historical look at who the Magi were known to be. And those guesses can open a whole new appreciation of what these mysterious characters were all about and what their motivations might have been.
Star Gazers and King Makers
It’s most likely that the Magi mentioned in the Bible came from the Parthian Empire, centered in present-day Iraq, Iran and Afghanistan. Magi, at the time of Jesus’ birth would have been around for hundreds of years with a very illustrative history and reputation. It’s thought that they originated among the ancient Medes and were initially a tribe of priests (kind of like the Jewish Levites) that over the centuries morphed into royal advisors. The biblical prophet Daniel was made chief magus (singular form of magi) for the Babylonian King Nebuchadnezzar (Daniel 4:9). And by the time the Parthians took power, the Magi had out-lasted four empires and were renown for their cleverness and accorded great honor.
Two roles distinguished them. They were expert astronomers, knowing and interpreting events among the planets and stars. And they were also the ones who selected the kings for the Parthian Empire.
Read MoreChoosing the Order of My Affections
I had a professor in college who challenged all of us to be passionate . . . about anything. Throughout the semester he often said that it didn’t really matter what we were passionate about, just that we cared deeply enough about a cause, a line of work, or an area of study to give ourselves completely to it. Half-heartedness was our greatest enemy as we took steps into adulthood. I was moved and spent quite a bit of time afterwards pondering what I could care about so deeply to have it direct my life in the way that the teacher described. While I claimed to follow Jesus at the time, the idea of making God the focus of my passion did not come to mind for some reason. The professor had directed us to find a cause or activity, one to feel deeply about. And so, I tried a few things, like long-distance running, exploring new kinds of music, and even political projects and positions that benefited the poor.
It was not too long after this that I proposed to my girlfriend. Marriage and my passion for her and our life together became my focus. The other pursuits were pushed into the back seat, with some of them falling out of favor for good. Left to themselves, after all, passions often don’t last long – definitely not forever. But I have often revisited some of those early ponderings and wondered whether it is true that it doesn’t matter what I’m passionate about, or what I allow my deepest affections to go after. Passion is the goal, regardless what it’s focused on. But is EVERYTHING worth passionately committing to as long as I feel it deeply? Does simply choosing to give my affection to something automatically make it worthy of a passionate pursuit?
Read MoreChoosing to Hold My Ground
Many years ago I read a slim little book by a Chinese pastor known as Watchman Nee. It was a study of of the Biblical book of Ephesians. It is called Sit, Walk, Stand, and I have referred to it many times since.
SIT
He points out that the first three chapters of Ephesians focus on what God has done for us through Jesus. We are told that God predestined us to be adopted by Himself through Jesus (Ephesians 1:5). That He’s given us the Holy Spirit as a guarantee of our future inheritance until we acquire possession of it (Ephesians 1:13-14). That we have been saved by grace through faith (Ephesians 2:8). That we are no longer strangers and aliens but members of God’s household (Ephesians 2:19). That Christ is ready to dwell in our hearts (Ephesians 3:17). And these are a mere fraction of what all is stated to be ours in the first three sections.
Pastor Nee calls these the SITTING chapters. All that God has done for us is laid out, and we simply have to learn to rest or SIT in what has been set into motion. There are really no commands or directions given to obey here. We are called to believe and trust — which of course is not always easy.
Read More
Choose This Day 