Choosing to Surrender
I chaperoned a field trip for my daughter’s elementary school class years ago. We went to San Antonio, Texas and toured the Alamo Mission. Having lived in Texas for several years by that time, the history of the place was already familiar. As part of settlers in 1836 seeking to break away from Mexican rule, 189 defenders in the Alamo took on more than 2000 Mexican troops. All the Alamo fighters died, except for a few non combatants. Among the dead was the famous frontiersman and Tennessee congressman, Davy Crockett.
As I wandered through the historical site, trying to keep track of 5th graders who had little interest in early 19th century history, a thought occurred to me. What if the defenders of the Alamo had just surrendered? I didn’t dare speak this question out loud for any of my Texan friends to hear. The Alamo and the death of its defenders in the fight for independence is a national shrine of Texan pride for many. “Remember the Alamo” is still a slogan that can be heard in certain regions of the state. But the question persisted: was it really necessary for them all to fight to the death? Why didn’t they raise the white flag when they saw they were surrounded, and victory was hopeless?
Why not raise the white flag?
It got me thinking about what keeps people from surrendering. Of course there are times and seasons where, like the Alamo defenders, we honor those who tenaciously hold on against overwhelming odds: those battling cancer or some other terminal disease; those wrestling with mental illness or addictions; those persevering in hope through sadness and loss; those who resist bitterness and choose to forgive and even honor relationships that have been hurtful. Yes, there are times when surrendering to the forces lined up against us is not the best or right thing to do.
I find that I want to resist surrendering when I believe that the force or person to whom I feel forced to acquiesce is untrustworthy and intends me harm. I don’t want to give in to bad people or situations that will destroy what I value. Another source of resistance to surrendering is the fear of who or what I will become (or look like) if I concede to the pressure and just “roll over.” Surrendering exposes aspects of my character and identity. If I submit and give up, I can appear to be cowardly, selfish, and shallow. And I definitely want to resist that.
The question remains, however; when (if ever) is it appropriate, healthy, and right to give up and stop resisting the force that is pushing in to conquer me?
I think I can best explore this through the retelling of a bit of history.
Read MoreChoosing a Jolly New Year!
I didn’t grow up believing in Santa Claus. But as a child, I still enjoyed the image he provided for a special and “magical” season. It wasn’t until I became an adult that I made the connection between Santa and Saint Nicholas. And it has been through reading about the life and legends of this Early-Church saint that my appreciation for a variety of Christmas traditions has deepened.
First of all, though it doesn’t really involve Saint Nicholas, the idea of the 12 Days of Christmas has long fascinated me. I was not raised in a traditional high church, but I understand that there is an old understanding of the first day of Christmas being the 25th of December and the twelfth being the 5th of January, which is the day before the Epiphany celebration. So, in light of the fact that we are still in the midst of the 12 Days, I want to dig into the story of the great Christian saint who morphed into Santa.
Following Jesus from the Very Beginning
He was born around 270 AD to Christian parents in what is today eastern Turkey. Christianity was still considered an “outlaw” sect by the emperors of Rome and thus was not a safe religion to align with. But Nicholas’ parents committed themselves to raising their son in the ways of Christ.
When he was still a boy, both his parents died in a plague that swept the land. He went to live with his uncle who was an abbot in a local monastery. His Christian education continued, and he was eventually ordained as a priest. It wasn’t too long after that, while still a young man, he was made bishop of the port city of Myra. Then a wave of Roman persecution, under the emperor Diocletian, swept the empire. Among thousands of others, Nicholas was jailed, tortured, and placed in solitary confinement. For five years he endured imprisonment, continuously pressured to renounce his faith. It wasn’t until Constantine came into power that he was released. Christianity was then declared a legal religion in 313 AD.
Nicholas went on to live a long life of proclaiming Christ, serving the poor and needy, caring for children. He boldly stood up to political and military leaders, defending the defenseless. By the time he died at age 73, fantastic stories were attached to his name. It was said that he intervened and challenged powerful government officials to save individuals from wrongful executions; he secured shiploads of food for his city when a famine threatened thousands with starvation. And miracles were said to happen through and around him. His image would appear to sailors who thought they were going to die in storms, comforting and leading them to safety. It was said that he even raised several children from the dead who had been murdered. But the most famous story of Saint Nicholas secured his reputation as a gift giver.
Read MoreChoosing an EMMANUEL Christmas
At the beginning of my senior year in high school, my family moved to another state. It was difficult for many reasons. The hardest one was that I was leaving a girlfriend (who would eventually become my wife). This was back before the internet and FaceTime. Cell phones were still a thing of the future, and long-distance calls were expensive. Yet Christine and I somehow managed to keep our relationship going, eventually attending the same college. But I can say this with conviction: long-distance relationships are difficult.
Zoom meetings (though they got old) made the COVID pandemic, with all its isolation, more tolerable. Yet, the longing for almost everyone was to be with others in person. There are some things that can only be communicated, imparted, and received when we’re together in the flesh!
Christine and I enjoyed our overpriced phone calls and hand-written letters during that last year of high school. But the real thrill came counting down the days to each visit when we would actually be together (and we managed several throughout that year). Those were the moments when I paid attention to every movement, posture, facial expression, fragrance. Her words and smile resonated in my mind and heart in a way that wasn’t possible over the phone. Those visits cemented our love for each other and are part of the foundation of our relationship to this day.
What a Loving Creator Will Do
God began His love affair with humans in person, in a Garden. But through our own fault, we were separated. He provided an opportunity for a long-distance relationship with willing people through laws, regulations, and other communications of His expectations. But while these commandments revealed some aspects of God’s desires and character, intimate connection was painfully difficult to develop merely through a written code.
And at a certain point in human history, God decided it was time for a visit.
Read MoreChoosing the Original Christmas Tradition
Christmas stirs my imagination. Not only can I endlessly ponder the significance of our eternal God becoming a full-fledged human, I am intrigued by the variety of responses in the Bible to this event: Bethlehem shepherds awestruck by an angelic light show; Nazareth residents scandalized by an unwed pregnant teenager in their tight-knit community. Jerusalem’s citizens and king confused and disturbed that a new king is being announced when the old one is still on his throne. But the characters who arouse my curiosity the most are the Magi from the East. Depending on the Bible translation one uses, they are also referred to as kings or wise men in the Gospel of Matthew. They are supposedly our models for the tradition of holiday gift-giving we indulge in today.
But is that all that makes them special?
As I have researched these guys over the years, the main thing I’ve learned is that we really don’t know much about these travelers. We can make some educated guesses taking a historical look at who the Magi were known to be. And those guesses can open a whole new appreciation of what these mysterious characters were all about and what their motivations might have been.
Star Gazers and King Makers
It’s most likely that the Magi mentioned in the Bible came from the Parthian Empire, centered in present-day Iraq, Iran and Afghanistan. Magi, at the time of Jesus’ birth would have been around for hundreds of years with a very illustrative history and reputation. It’s thought that they originated among the ancient Medes and were initially a tribe of priests (kind of like the Jewish Levites) that over the centuries morphed into royal advisors. The biblical prophet Daniel was made chief magus (singular form of magi) for the Babylonian King Nebuchadnezzar (Daniel 4:9). And by the time the Parthians took power, the Magi had out-lasted four empires and were renown for their cleverness and accorded great honor.
Two roles distinguished them. They were expert astronomers, knowing and interpreting events among the planets and stars. And they were also the ones who selected the kings for the Parthian Empire.
Read MoreChoosing the Order of My Affections
I had a professor in college who challenged all of us to be passionate . . . about anything. Throughout the semester he often said that it didn’t really matter what we were passionate about, just that we cared deeply enough about a cause, a line of work, or an area of study to give ourselves completely to it. Half-heartedness was our greatest enemy as we took steps into adulthood. I was moved and spent quite a bit of time afterwards pondering what I could care about so deeply to have it direct my life in the way that the teacher described. While I claimed to follow Jesus at the time, the idea of making God the focus of my passion did not come to mind for some reason. The professor had directed us to find a cause or activity, one to feel deeply about. And so, I tried a few things, like long-distance running, exploring new kinds of music, and even political projects and positions that benefited the poor.
It was not too long after this that I proposed to my girlfriend. Marriage and my passion for her and our life together became my focus. The other pursuits were pushed into the back seat, with some of them falling out of favor for good. Left to themselves, after all, passions often don’t last long – definitely not forever. But I have often revisited some of those early ponderings and wondered whether it is true that it doesn’t matter what I’m passionate about, or what I allow my deepest affections to go after. Passion is the goal, regardless what it’s focused on. But is EVERYTHING worth passionately committing to as long as I feel it deeply? Does simply choosing to give my affection to something automatically make it worthy of a passionate pursuit?
Read MoreChoosing to Hold My Ground
Many years ago I read a slim little book by a Chinese pastor known as Watchman Nee. It was a study of of the Biblical book of Ephesians. It is called Sit, Walk, Stand, and I have referred to it many times since.
SIT
He points out that the first three chapters of Ephesians focus on what God has done for us through Jesus. We are told that God predestined us to be adopted by Himself through Jesus (Ephesians 1:5). That He’s given us the Holy Spirit as a guarantee of our future inheritance until we acquire possession of it (Ephesians 1:13-14). That we have been saved by grace through faith (Ephesians 2:8). That we are no longer strangers and aliens but members of God’s household (Ephesians 2:19). That Christ is ready to dwell in our hearts (Ephesians 3:17). And these are a mere fraction of what all is stated to be ours in the first three sections.
Pastor Nee calls these the SITTING chapters. All that God has done for us is laid out, and we simply have to learn to rest or SIT in what has been set into motion. There are really no commands or directions given to obey here. We are called to believe and trust — which of course is not always easy.
Read MoreChoosing Authenticity All the Time
No matter how hard I try, why are some things so difficult to resist? Overeating? Harsh responses to those who correct me? Anxiety about the future? I know how I should respond, what I’m supposed to do, and what I ought to feel. But that rarely gives me what I need to actually do it and never provides what is necessary to truly feel it. No matter what they say, will power alone does not have what it takes to change me and keep me strong against all the types of temptation that push on me.
A 15th Century German-Dutch follower of Jesus named Thomas á Kempis wrote, “The beginning of all evil temptations is a mind not firmly fixed on its purpose…”* I have pondered what this means for quite a while now, and I think brother Thomas has something to teach us. The understanding of my purpose is rooted in the understanding of my identity. Who and what I believe myself to be forms the foundation for all that I do and why I do it.
But to make it a bit more complex, it’s not just what I believe about my purpose and identity that is key. The essential point is that these beliefs are what motivate me and they, in turn, shape me. I act according to who and what I interpret myself to authentically be. My identity informs all that I do. How I view myself and my purpose then becomes that which determines how I make all my life decisions.
Read MoreChoosing the Way of Thanks
I am afflicted with a condition that I understand many men have. I often cannot see what is right in front of my face. The can of soup I’m looking for in the pantry mysteriously disappears when I go to retrieve it. I’m perplexed and frustrated. And then my wife steps in and produces it out of thin air. How is that possible? To my embarrassment, it isn’t a mere coincidence.
Somehow, she has the ability to see what is really there. I look, and if it is not where I imagined it should be, or if it is a different color or shape than I assumed, or not moving, I’m afflicted with a curious blindness. Items in plain sight are cloaked. I experience this while searching for socks, medicine, keys, and books more often than I care to admit.
But I’ve come to see that it also is a condition that affects my soul.
Blind to What I Have
I am naturally programmed to focus my attention on what I can’t see—that is, what is not immediately in my grasp. My mind is alert to comparing my status, career, possessions, education, relationships, personal satisfaction, experiences to those around me. More often than not, however, I come out on the short end. What I have doesn’t seem enough and I become agitated, restless, pessimistic. This blinds me to what I do possess. I then don’t see what I really have. And sometimes I don’t even have to go as far as comparing myself to anyone; I just see everything in my life and around me that’s wrong.
When our family has a financial need, my tendency is to then focus on the many other things that are not ours (and probably never will be). Something breaks in our house that I cannot immediately afford to repair, and my eyes then zero in on the walls that need to be painted, the deck that needs to be sanded and stained, the roof that will soon need to be replaced and I feel myself slipping into depression. What I fail to take in and savor in those moments is that we’ve actually been blessed with a house to live in!
This is NOT a good way to live!
Read MoreChoosing the Reason I Love
There are a lot of people I don’t like. In fact, there are some, if I had it my way, I would avoid completely. They either believe differently than I do and make me feel uncomfortable; they are interested in things I cannot relate to; or they have rude habits that irritate and make me look for an exit. Many people in this world make “loving my neighbor” a real chore, if not completely impossible.
To speak honestly, I don’t feel any love for most the people I see walking the streets. I particularly feel a void of affection for other drivers on the road (after all, they’re mostly idiots, right?). Politicians and public personas tend to push me into a judgmental attitude. The personalities projected on social media often strike me as fake. And the arguments I observe breaking out on the internet typically feel like nothing more than image polishing and virtue signaling. As I grow older and follow the twisted patterns of people’s behavior, I fear I am turning into a cynical judge of all things that are human (baa humbug)!
It’s a Command!
And yet, Jesus tells me that the Second-Greatest Commandment for His followers is to love my neighbor as I love myself (Matthew 22:39). When someone asked Him, “Who is my neighbor?” obviously looking for a loophole (which is what I would have done), Jesus then told the story we know as the Good Samaritan. The conclusion was that the Samaritan — despised and avoided by all Jews at the time — was The Neighbor. The one nobody liked and viewed as coming from the problem people of their land was the example given of who Jesus followers are to love (Luke 10:25-37).
Ouch!
This feels offensive and doesn’t fit my sentiments of love.
So, what am I going to do if I seriously want to follow Jesus?
I want to first clarify what Jesus meant by love. What is it, and what it is not?
Read MoreChoosing to CallOut Dishonest Desires
As a Follower of Jesus, is it wrong to ask God to fulfill my desires? I have been asked this question more than once. There are two extreme responses that I now see getting associated with Christianity. One comes out of the God-wants-you-to-be-happy theology and therefore, of course, wants to satisfy every desire. The other is more related to Eastern asceticism, labeling the pursuit of fulfilled desires as a distraction that leads to suffering and deceitfully draws us away from God.
I usually offer a short (and usually unsatisfying) answer: it depends.
So, maybe a more helpful question is, how do I determine if the desire I have is a good one?
The Bible talks a lot about desires, and I have written before on the topic (read “Choosing to Desire Well”). Here I am writing about it again. I never seem to get away from thinking about how integral desires are to how we do life. Whether we’re always aware of it or not, we make choices and pursue our paths according to whatever object or goal our desires have zeroed-in on. Thus, the Bible warns us of fraudulent desires (Ephesians 4:22) and even ones that lead to death (James 4:2). But it also informs us that there are desires that lead us to good places (Proverbs 11:23) and ones that God longs to fulfill (Psalm 37:4; 145:16).
Read More
Choose This Day 