Choosing to CallOut Dishonest Desires
As a Follower of Jesus, is it wrong to ask God to fulfill my desires? I have been asked this question more than once. There are two extreme responses that I now see getting associated with Christianity. One comes out of the God-wants-you-to-be-happy theology and therefore, of course, wants to satisfy every desire. The other is more related to Eastern asceticism, labeling the pursuit of fulfilled desires as a distraction that leads to suffering and deceitfully draws us away from God.
I usually offer a short (and usually unsatisfying) answer: it depends.
So, maybe a more helpful question is, how do I determine if the desire I have is a good one?
The Bible talks a lot about desires, and I have written before on the topic (read “Choosing to Desire Well”). Here I am writing about it again. I never seem to get away from thinking about how integral desires are to how we do life. Whether we’re always aware of it or not, we make choices and pursue our paths according to whatever object or goal our desires have zeroed-in on. Thus, the Bible warns us of fraudulent desires (Ephesians 4:22) and even ones that lead to death (James 4:2). But it also informs us that there are desires that lead us to good places (Proverbs 11:23) and ones that God longs to fulfill (Psalm 37:4; 145:16).
Read MoreChoosing to Value Faith
The well-known British philosopher and atheist, Bertrand Russell (1872-1970), was supposedly asked later in his life how he would explain his beliefs if he was confronted with God after he died. It is said that he quickly replied, “Not enough evidence, God! Not enough evidence.”
I have often wondered how much evidence would it take to convince him, or any atheist, of God’s existence. What kind of proof is necessary to satisfy anybody that there is a personal God? It seems to me that belief in a deity or some kind of spiritual reality is more a matter of human will than anything else. If I don’t want there to be a God, then I am likely to find the means to explain away any “evidence” that might be presented. But, if I do desire a God (of any kind), I am more apt to have eyes to see all kinds of things and happenings as evidence pointing to the likelihood that there really is a spiritual Being and reality outside myself.
Faith (a choice of my will) makes the difference.
But What Am I Assuming?
The word “faith” often gets a bad rap. It is typically relegated to the ranks of the unthinking, naive, and even disingenuous. Mark Twain, the famous 19th Century American author supposedly said, “Having faith is believing in something you know ain’t true.” Whether or not this was his final conclusion, his statement sums up how many people pass faith off as insensible and even moronic.
Beliefs and faith (or lack of faith) run very closely with what we presuppose — those attitudes of the heart from which the process of belief begins. If I assume that miracles cannot happen (because it offends my intellect), then I will naturally come to the conclusion, when reading the Bible, that a good portion of it is imaginary and made up. On the other hand, if I assume miracles are possible (because I sense there is much in the world that my little brain cannot comprehend), I can therefore write off much of atheist Richard Dawkins’ writings as shallow propaganda. Where I start greatly determines where I end up.
Read MoreChoosing to Be More Than Just “Fixed”
The Geek Squad technician looked at me and said, “It’s dead. Your laptop’s motherboard has failed.”
Of course, my first question was how much it would cost to repair it. I liked this computer. We had accomplished a lot together.
He shook his head. “It wouldn’t be worth it for this old thing,” grimacing with a condescending air. “And if you did replace the motherboard, something else would soon go wrong. This one wasn’t made to be repaired. You need a new one.”
Those were not words I wanted to hear. I didn’t have the money to buy something new, and I truly felt attached to this particular laptop. It felt like an old friend.
When I finally accepted the fact that my beloved computer was gone, I wondered what my options were. I took a look at refurbished ones. It was my wife that talked me out of that. She didn’t trust them and urged me not to. Somehow, we got the money, and I ended up with a new laptop.
Why Not Just Fix the Old Thing?
Refurbished technology has become a big business because the new stuff can be so expensive. My wife and I have looked into refurbished phones, but there are always those risks. One article I found gave three reasons to buy new rather than refurbished:
- You don’t know the history of the device you’re purchasing. It may look nice on the outside, but it could be a lot older than it looks with hidden problems.
- The lifespan of the refurbished device is unknown. The battery life cannot be checked and therefore you are taking a risk on how long it is going to last. Battery life seems to be everything for electronics.
- Refurbished devices (for the most part) don’t come with warranties. There’s typically no recourse if it doesn’t work the day, the week, or the month after you purchase it.
While I’m not sure that all three of the above points are true for every refurbished device, the point is that starting with something brand new is overall usually a better experience. It’s just more costly. And so, we look for cheaper and easier options to get by. Why can’t it just be fixed?
God’s Plan for Us
I have been doing a lot more thinking about what God has in mind for our lives. He’s not merely wanting to fix us and replace a few broken parts. He wants to make EVERYTHING new. This sounds great!
That is until we realize the cost.
Read MoreChoosing to Be Empty
I despise fasting. I hate the way it makes me feel grumpy, irritable, distracted with thoughts of burgers, pizza, and ice cream when I’m trying to do something important. But most of all, it makes me feel hungry. And hunger tells me I need something to fill and nourish the emptiness inside. It isn’t the way I was meant to live. No one was meant to live perpetually hungry.
But yet the Bible refers to fasting multiple times. Jesus fasted, along with the Apostles. Early church writings refer to fasting as if it is expected to be a regular part of the life of a Jesus follower. It has often seemed strange to me, though. How am I supposed to focus on my relationship with God when all I can think about is the next time I will pop something into my mouth? And now there’s this trendy thing called “intermittent fasting” that’s supposed to help a person lose weight and get healthier.
I recently decided to take a second look at fasting after talking with several people who claimed it has improved their health. The intermittent kind can take a couple different approaches. One can regularly refrain from eating for a couple days out of each week (sounds awful). Or a person can restrict the time periods during each day in which one does eat. This means that someone might not eat for 16 hours out of a day and eat only during the other eight hours. I read that besides losing weight, this can help lower cholesterol, blood pressure, and reduce the risk of type-2 diabetes. So, with gritted teeth, I decided to try it.
Nourishment By Going Without?
It wasn’t fun. I would resist food up until 12 noon each day, and then eat nothing after 8:00 in the evening. The morning hours were especially challenging as I was constantly glancing at a clock to see how much time I had left until I could stuff my face. After about a month, I was about to give up on it, despite the supposed health benefits, when I heard God speak to me. It was in the form of a very strong impression that there was something important He wanted me to learn from this experience. He used Deuteronomy 8:3, part of the ancient speech of Moses speaking to the Israelites after they had wandered in the desert for 40 years.
Read MoreChoosing to Be Right
Wife: “You forgot to put the garbage can out this morning.”
Husband: “I put it out last night.”
Wife: “I’m pretty sure I just saw the garbage truck go by, and it did not stop at our house.”
Husband: “I put it out! You just weren’t paying attention. I’m sure the truck stopped.”
Wife: “No, I was watching. [Strong, accusatory tone]. And the truck did not stop because our garbage can was NOT out there.
Husband: “I know I put it out! [Over-the-top defensive tone].
Wife: “Then go and see for yourself.”
Husband: [Goes outside. Returns and sits back in his chair saying nothing].
Wife: “Hmm?”
Husband: “I thought YOU were going to put the garbage can out.”
Winning an Argument
Why does it feel so important to prove I’m right? Why can I go to ridiculous lengths to justify my behavior, beliefs, and attitudes? The possibility of someone saying to me “You were right,” even about the smallest disagreement, pumps a shot of dopamine into my brain. But, I rarely hear those words.
As far back as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be right, about everything! Much of my motivation for learning and formal education has been fueled by the validation I imagine I would receive while being told I’m correct in my knowledge of any given subject I have studied. And in the back of my mind I still feel a thrill at the thought that I’ll hear the words, “You are right, Jeff.” Yet, those words still remain elusive. And I am hungry for them.
Please Tell Me I’m OK
I suppose the desire is rooted in my need to be validated, assured that I am not damaged goods. The fear of being wrong, of somewhere, somehow missing the correct path has been strong. This drive has quite naturally transferred over to my faith walk as well. Much of my younger years was about studying to know the Bible in order to answer all the questions that might be thrown at me. Ultimately, even “good works” were motivated more by the need to prove to myself that I was a worthy Christian. The hope was always to one day hear every unbeliever I talked with say that charmed phrase: “Jeff, you are right!”
At some point while doing some research, I realized that the word “righteousness” simply means to be right. I’m not sure what I had always thought the definition of this Bible word was, but this simple explanation surprised me. I pondered scriptures that told me I was to live a life of righteousness. The Bible was telling me to be right and, of course, to live right. I quickly saw that it was not saying I should work hard to know stuff so I can win arguments. Rightness, according to the Bible is something deeper.
Read MoreChoosing What I Practice
It was my high school Spanish teacher who challenged an old axiom I had heard all my life.
“Practice makes perfect.”
This little phrase had been a mantra that I had assumed must be in the Bible somewhere because I heard it so much. It was the challenge used to keep me at my piano lessons (which I eventually quit). It promised great results for my plans to become a famous artist (which I gave up on), and pushed me in sports (for which I eventually lost interest). Consistent practice was hard. But it was supposedly the pathway for developing good habits and accomplishing all the things I dreamed about!
Of course, the other side of the coin is true also: practice what you claim to value (even imperfectly). Most good fruit in a person’s life results from good practices established that turn into good habits. Practice matters. We cannot honestly separate what we habitually do from who we are.
And then my Spanish teacher popped the bubble. She said, “Only perfect practice makes perfect.” Her point, I assume, was that if I practice Spanish without correcting errors of pronunciation or syntax, I’m only reinforcing mistakes and will forever sound like a careless, ignorant Gringo. In other words, mediocre practice produces mediocre results.
It’s Too Hard
She was right, of course. But I took this rebuke to heart in the opposite direction that she intended. It didn’t motivate me to study Spanish. Why even try? I knew I was not very self-disciplined, and this language thing was not coming naturally. Disciplined practice was suddenly overrated! This thought became a foundation stone for giving up on many other practices for many years to come. But ironically, I was living out her words in a way that I didn’t realize.
I was practicing and becoming very proficient in defeatism and making excuses. And for awhile, though I did not recognize it as such, this was the “disciplined” mindset to which I gave myself. I felt that there was nothing I could do to a standard of perfection. Interestingly, there is a body of psychological studies behind these kinds of mindsets and how habits (good and bad) are formed. It can be quite interesting. . . and spiritual.
Read MoreChoosing to be Noticed
The pop artist Andy Warhol is said to have come up with the phrase that is now known as “15 minutes of fame.” There is disagreement over whether it was actually his idea. But regardless of who coined it, the idea took hold and is now a cliché catch phrase. It refers to the fleeting nature of celebrity status. The vast majority of those who have a season in the spotlight (be it for good or ill), are soon forgotten, relegated to the trash heap of notoriety in favor of the next interesting personality, talent, oddity, or horror. “Enjoy your 15 minutes of fame,” we might be told after getting some kind of media attention for a worthy accomplishment (or an embarrassing blunder). For typically, that is all it will be – a quick bright flash, and then mundane nothingness.
As a child, I always thought it would be great to be famous. Popularity at school would have been an encouraging start – if I only could have attained it. However, the desire did not necessarily disappear as I grew older. Perhaps it changed shape a bit, but the perennial longing for acclaim followed me into adulthood. To be recognized. To be known. To be admired. To be highly esteemed. To be remembered. By the time I was somewhat more mature, I understood that this wish to be famous and/or popular was not a godly thing and therefore probably not God’s will for me. Thus I tried to bury it.
But it didn’t go away. And was my hunger to be noticed really that far out of line?
A God-Given Craving?
In his essay, “The Weight of Glory,” C.S. Lewis addresses the human desire for fame and attention. He concludes that glory is what we are after. And, lo and behold, glory is what God is offering us! But, of course, like so many qualities in the broken world we live in, our understanding of this attribute has been twisted to fit our fallen self-indulgence.
In our “me-centered” minds, glory is merely another word for human recognition that affirms that I should be above and am somehow better than others. This kind of fame is typically sought by doing anything that gets people to notice, or at least making it difficult for them to forget me. It will almost always involve making a lot of money, getting major media attention, being the best at something, scoring goals, turning heads, behaving badly, forcefully overpowering others in a grandiose way, and even killing on a massive scale or in a unique way. It’s the longing for validation that takes over.
Hmm.
So what does God have in mind instead?
Read MoreChoosing What Remains
I first became a homeowner when I was 25. It was a small run-down rental in a suburb of Sacramento, California. My wife and I decided we could buy it at a good price and “fix it up” ourselves in preparation for our soon-to-arrive first child. I had never done any kind of remodel work or even basic house projects for that matter. And this was before YouTube do-it-yourself videos. But it seemed like a good idea at the time. And thus I began to climb a steep learning curve: painting, wallpapering, roofing, siding, wiring, digging (an inground sprinkler system), and of course, home equity loans. Many mistakes, and a lot of money, later, our house was pretty much the way we wanted it. And then we sold it and joined Youth With A Mission (YWAM), all five of us living in one bedroom for more than a year.
Upon reflection, there are a couple of valuable life-lessons I learned, besides “measuring twice to cut only once” and that aligning wallpaper patterns does matter. For one, it is not good for someone with a red-green color blind condition to do household electrical work (a true story for another time). But probably even more important to be applied to the big picture of life is that the quality of the materials you use in your projects makes a difference – especially long-term.
My tendency has been to go cheap to save money. There are always less expensive toilet-repair kits, garden hoses, and brands of paint that catch my eye and keep more in my wallet. In contrast, my wife’s mantra has always been, you get what you pay for, so go with quality for the things that are important. We have had more than a few disagreements over this topic when money was tight (more true stories for another time). But, as the years have gone by and after many repeated repair jobs, paying again to replace the same part, I have come pretty close to now agreeing with her. The bottom line is, I want things to last. And making that happen never comes cheap.
The Most Important Investments
Yes, the Bible has some things to say about quality building materials and lasting dwelling places. There is Jesus’ parable about the man who built his house on the rock (Matthew 7:24-27). We’re told that it is the quality and wisdom of Jesus’ teachings that are solid enough to be the foundation of our lives and keep us from collapsing in the storm. Of course, there is the cost of studying, meditating on, memorizing, and loving His word to actually have the benefits of this foundation.
Read MoreChoosing to TRUST in the Dark
I was five years old when I had my tonsils removed. Medical concerns and procedures were different back then. They had me spend the night before surgery in the hospital. I remember my initial impression was that of getting to do a sleep over at a hotel without Mom and Dad. Kind of exciting!
It all seemed great until I was taken in to be prepped for surgery early the next morning before my parents arrived. Everything quickly went blank when they put a cup over my nose and mouth. My strongest memory of the entire episode was a growing awareness of an intense sore throat while still in complete darkness. A disconcerting panic arose as confusing conversations from unseen bodies were taking place around me. I desperately wanted a light to be turned on. But there was nothing. Finally, one voice among the many stood out. My mother! And though I couldn’t see her, I knew she was there and that made all the difference. I was then able to be at peace. Everything would be okay because someone who I trusted to care for me was with me even though I couldn’t see.
When There’s No Light
Darkness stirs an assortment of emotions. Yes, there is the glory of the nighttime sky with the brightly shining stars or the beauty of a full moon casting its silver lining across the edge of a black horizon. But when it comes to navigating a path or figuring out what’s going on with no stars, no moon, and no lamp of any kind, the lack of light can be terrifying. Total darkness seems to scream that there are unseen terrors hidden nearby. Some kind of illumination is needed, something to guide, something to comfort. And so, we grasp at anything that might shine light on our path, even a tiny bit, to provide some sense of control.
Many years ago, I came upon a scripture in the Old Testament that I have returned to often.
“Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the voice of his servant? Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. Behold, all you who kindle a fire, who equip yourselves with burning torches! Walk by the light of your fire, and by the torches that you have kindled! This you have from my hand: you shall lie down in torment.” (Isaiah 50:10-11 ESV)
Read MoreChoosing What Has My Heart
When I was a kid, I always associated the delights of being out of school with the 4th of July (Labor Day sadly meant it was all over).
The 4th has traditionally been one of the most important days for Americans to express their patriotism, loyalty, and love of country. As a boy, I vaguely understood this. Fireworks, picnics, and homemade ice cream were what I perceived and associated most closely to the summer months. American Independence Day, however, slowly worked its way into my overall awareness of history, politics, and symbolic gestures as part of the trappings of being an American.
Speaking of gestures . . .
I was a part of the generation that grew up saying the Pledge of Allegiance in class each morning in my public school. We would stand next to our desks and place our hands over our hearts as we faced the U.S. flag. The words would roll off our tongues without really hearing them. It was a ritual that I never thought about deeply. I saw its main value as a reference point for learning to distinguish my right hand from the left as a child. And yet, aware or unaware, it still was a powerful declaration that we children made each morning. As we grew older, we would then decide how much of it we actually meant, if anything of it at all.
We Cannot Escape Them
But allegiances are part of life. They are what give shape to our identity as individuals and as groups. Who I am is typically best put into words by speaking of the community, activities, beliefs, roles, and goals to which I have attached myself and continue in submission to. Even among those who say they have no allegiances, it’s likely they have a strong loyalty to their own independence and self-preservation at the very least. To literally hold no allegiance to anything is somewhat equivalent to being one of the walking dead. That person would theoretically be just a body, with no sense of connection to anything that raises him or her above the status of an animal. And thus there would be no ability to clarify uniqueness, beliefs, hopes, dreams, etc. I doubt there are many, if any, who truly have no loyalties to anything. Without some point of devotion or commitment to that which gives them meaning, they would be worthy of pity from the rest of us because they would not really be living.
Read More
Choose This Day 