Choosing Intimacy
Most of my life growing up, I often felt misunderstood. I tried to relate to those around me by being who I thought they wanted me to be. But it felt like few, if any, ever saw the real me and said, “I like that person.” That took its toll, and I easily withdrew within myself. I became, at best, a private person. I longed for a friend that would accept me for who I was, yet neither did I ever allow the real me, with all my fears, insecurities, and sin to be seen. I built protective walls of shyness to keep the anticipated pain of rejection manageable and as far away as possible. But something within always ached for a connection with another that would provide a reason to open the door of my heart and truly be seen and known.
As a teen, I realized the name of the quality I hungered for was intimacy. Marriage, I then presumed, would satisfy this yearning. A sexual relationship, afterall, is the epitome of closeness and connection. And though it initially seemed to do the trick, I eventually came to an unexpected realization: a person can be married, sleep in the same bed with someone and still feel lonely and disconnected at times.
A Universal Desire
I, like so many, have longed for intimacy in my relationships but have found it elusive. There are moments when it seems to be within my grasp, conversations or activities with a friend or with my wife where the bond feels almost other-worldly. It’s as if we can see into each other’s soul. Yet it doesn’t last, fading with distance and time. I want to believe, however, that those moments are glimpses of what can be mine continuously, forever. But how?
And then there’s my relationship with God.
Read MoreChoosing the Long Way
There’s something gratifying about finding a way to make a long journey shorter. I look to my GPS for help these days. But even as a kid, shortcuts were always appreciated. When I was 12, my friends showed me a quicker way to the store where we could buy candy. It happened to go through a stranger’s backyard and across his patio. I used it many times until an angry man stuck his head out a window and yelled at me, threatening to call the cops. Shortcuts may get me where I want to be sooner, but they can create unforeseen problems as well. Seeking the quicker and easier way can become a mindset and habit that infects all my decision making.
The temptation to reach goals faster, cut corners or bypass steps in a process shows up in a multitude of situations. Businesses consider it by offering lower-quality products. Builders face it when trying to increase their profit margin. Students have to make a choice when they discover a way to cheat on a test and get the ‘A’ with no studying. I fall into it when I’m assembling IKEA furniture and don’t want to take time to read the instructions. Shortcuts offer a more direct path to an objective and the feeling that I have escaped unnecessary suffering or drudgery. But at what hidden cost?
The Easier Path
Jesus was offered a shortcut. It was His third temptation in the desert (for thoughts on the first and second, read Choosing to Not Take the Bait and Choosing to Not Test God). We’re told in Matthew 4:8-11 that the devil took Him to a high mountain where they saw all the kingdoms of the world and said he would give them to Jesus if He would only kneel before Satan. Of course Jesus resisted and told the devil to leave, reminding him that the scriptures instruct us to worship and serve God only. While it’s no surprise that He didn’t give in to Satan, I have wondered what was so attractive about the Evil One’s offer. What could possibly tempt Jesus to bow down to the devil?
Read MoreChoosing Peace
I once read an article by an atheist describing the serenity he felt as he overlooked a beautiful valley while drinking a cup of coffee. The point he was trying to make was that Christians do not have a monopoly on peace. He was irritated with the claim that religion is somehow necessary for a person to have a sense of tranquility. His way of refuting this was to recount the many times he had experienced an internal quiet and harmony with others without any acknowledgement of the divine. His conclusion was that a belief in God is not necessary to feel peacefully calm. And after reading all that he had to say, I had to agree with him. But is there more to it than what he was experiencing?
Jesus followers often talk about the peace that comes over us after surrendering our lives to Him. It’s often part of what we felt was missing in our lives. And it makes sense. Afterall, Jesus the Messiah is called the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6); one of the fruits of the Spirit is peace (Galatians 5:22): and peacemakers will be called the children of God (Matthew 5:9). But what exactly is this quality that is promised all throughout the Bible?
Shalom
The biblical Hebrew word is still used by many modern Israelis as a greeting. Its general sense is that of holistic goodness. The Old Testament presents shalom as a multidimensional quality that includes physical, psychological, social, and spiritual wellbeing. God’s shalom thus adds up to an overall sense of inner security for the person who experiences it, which imparts many benefits. One example is stated in Psalm 4:8. “In peace [shalom] I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety” (ESV). Biblical peace appears to be something that is not created by the individual but comes from God. It also appears that trusting Him is what activates His shalom in our lives.
Read MoreChoosing to Open the Door
In the movies it always looked so easy and nonconsequential. As a kid, I watched shows where chairs got busted over heads in barroom fights with the recipient merely staggering a few paces before flinging his opponent through a wooden railing. And then there were the scenes where a medium-built man with a single blow from his leg kicked a front door wide open. And he never walked with a limp afterwards or stopped to rub the jolted knee or hip joint. Power. It all seemed impressively real until the day I picked up a chair in anger to throw at my brother. Besides being too heavy (fortunately) to lift high enough to toss, I was instantly sobered up with the realization that if the chair did break apart on his head, it would likely kill him. I didn’t even have to experiment with kicking a door to realize that it would take someone with a lot more strength than me to pop a solid oak barrier off its hinges with one swing of the leg.
And yet there is someone with “door-busting” abilities that we should all take notice of.
Jesus began His earthly ministry kicking down obstacles that were raised against Him and His purposes. He ordered demonic interference to be silent and flee. He commanded stormy waters to be calm, unfruitful trees to wither, diseases to leave human bodies, and corpses to come back to life. Nobody had ever displayed such power over nature, physical ailments, spiritual darkness, and death. Nothing seemed to be able to stand in His way. He was truly the archetype man of the movies I pictured as a kid who could not be stopped, no matter what was thrown at Him, no matter the barrier in front of Him. Nothing resisted His will . . . except for one thing.
Read MoreChoosing to Recognize My Own Sin
I remember the first time I stole something. I was six or seven years old, and I walked out of a store with a candy bar in my pocket. When I didn’t get caught and nothing bad happened, I was surprised. As a child I then decided it wasn’t really wrong to take something from someone when you wanted it more than they did. A few years later, however, when my bike was stolen I changed my mind. There was something messed up about the world when people could actually steal from me.
I was on to something. Every philosophy and religion recognize there is something fundamentally wrong with the world. Most, however, disagree on what the fundamental problem is. What exactly is the root of human dysfunction? It’s all around us. Even a child can see there’s something wrong with the way things work.
The word “sin” carries varying definitions and innuendo depending on who uses it. To some, it might mean socially unacceptable behavior, while to others it could be nothing more than a mistake or a weakness. Still others see it as a silly or overly-restrictive, outdated concept that shouldn’t be taken seriously; after all, we have evolved beyond the need for such primitive explanations of the human situation. And then there are those who only see the wrong doing in others, never in themselves.
There is a growing group of people who choose to see sin as having nothing to do with morality but rather understand it to describe an ontological problem: physicality is what’s wrong with the world. If we could find a way to shed our corporeal entanglements and escape to a more pure spiritual state of being, then we would experience “salvation”. Sin or evil, in this way of thinking, is nothing more than being stuck in a material world.
But, how do these varying perspectives account for a world that so easily justifies stealing candy bars and bicycles and much, much worse?
Read MoreChoosing a Forever Life
Music of the rock group Kansas takes me back to my high school days. I particularly remember the hauntingly beautiful harmonies of “Dust in the Wind.” The sound would echo in my head days after I listened to it on the radio. Who could resist humming or singing the mournful tune and wallow in a melancholic puddle of feelings. Supposedly, it was inspired by Native American poetry, an enchanting yet bleak reminder of where our modern materialism takes us. But how many who savored the bittersweet melody back in the 70’s ever really thought about the implications of what it was saying? “All we are is dust in the wind.” Was there a hopeful antidote? Something that could impart substance to our nothingness? Immortality? The song didn’t say, and I never took the time to think too deeply about it.
Why? Because I had my whole life in front of me. As a teenager, I pretty much behaved as if I would live this present life forever (of course, without much thought). No rush to get anything done, make any solid plans, or think about what happens at the end. I had plenty of time to work that all out at some point in the fuzzy future.
What Does the Bible Say?
Interestingly, the scriptures offer some parallel thoughts with the mournful crooning of Kansas. A single human life on this earth is short. Its significance cannot be measured in terms of time spent wandering the globe, the amount of material wealth collected, or the number of tasks performed. When considered in light of the thousands (millions?) of circuits the planet has completed around the sun, 80 years is nothing. While there are many passages that could be quoted, here are three:
Read MoreChoosing to Expose Greed
A good story almost always requires a villain. Everyone loves to detest and blame that guy who is despicable. And what is easier to despise than a creep motivated by pure greed?
In movies, a hero commonly struggles against a filthy rich tycoon or corporation seeking to add to their already-huge pile of money. The greed of the wealthy is a motif routinely used in Hollywood and politics because of its almost-universal capacity to stir up deep emotional responses—usually animosity. It’s a theme that has struck a chord in every generation. Afterall, it is so satisfying to see such evil motivations and actions exposed and justly punished!
But is greed a sin exclusive to the 1%?
It’s defined in one dictionary as “excessive desire for wealth or possessions.” Notice, it does not say it is the desire only of those who already have more than they need. “Excessive desire” can take root in the heart of any person. And that’s why it is counted as one of the Seven Deadly Sins.* Greed is an equal-opportunity vice which begets many other transgressions (such as cheating, lying, stealing, abusing others, avoiding paying debts, and even homicide) in those who let it dominate them—be they rich or poor.
Greed Among Jesus Followers
Jesus addressed the problem of greed (also called covetousness) among His disciples, even though they weren’t known as the wealthiest of society. In Luke 12:15 He said, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.” The driving desire for more possessions has long been a problem for Jesus followers. Regardless our economic status, the allure of finding comfort, security and status in stuff, easily keeps our affections focused on the short-term, temporary side of life. But God’s got bigger and more long-lasting things in mind for us.
Read MoreChoosing to Put My Feelings On a Diet
“I just want to feel good.” This is the mantra I’ve heard from many people over the years who are trying to figure out their existence. Confusion, discomfort, boredom. They’re looking for something that makes life feel better—worth living, that takes away the discomfort or at least distracts from it.
Yes, I can somewhat relate. I put food into my body that isn’t healthy—even when I’m not hungry. I watch stupid movies or series that I forget (or wish I could) as soon as they’re over. I randomly scroll through the internet looking for articles or sites that merely pique my curiosity but have no real substance. I hungrily check my social media posts to see how many “likes” they got. I thirst for affirming interaction with those who will agree with my thoughts and views. And I yearn to discover a trendy cause that I can get passionate about. I even take ibuprofen more often than I should.
Why?
I too want to feel alive, happy, active, filled, pain-free, and stimulated. That’s what the voices around me say is the essence of life, afterall.
What is it, really?
There’s this word we don’t use much anymore. Gluttony. It’s another one of the traditional Seven Deadly Sins.* I have simply understood it to mean overeating—which at times has confused me as to why stuffing my body with food is listed as one of the Big Seven. Overeating may contribute to obesity and heart disease, but calling it a cardinal sin with deep spiritual ramifications? That doesn’t make much sense to me.
Yet like all sin, there’s usually more to it than what my cultural environment has allowed me to absorb.
A definition for gluttony that probes beyond merely “eating and drinking excessively” could be “an unrestrained pursuit of pleasurable sensations.” Or, “good feelings as my guide and reason for living.”
Another way of thinking about it is to ask myself what are the sensations I’m trying to avoid? Hunger? Thirst? An unstimulated body, mind or imagination? The feeling that there’s no meaning in what I’m doing or in my life at all for that matter. All these create an uncomfortable emptiness. Gluttony pushes me to overindulge, in almost anything, in pursuit of that elusive state of “feeling good”—filling myself with other feelings in order to overwhelm those I don’t like.
So, what is your preferred pill for the aches and hollowness of your body and soul?
Read MoreChoosing to Forgive When I Don’t Feel Like It
My stomach muscles tightened as I sat in the YWAM class and admitted to myself that I hated those kids. Before we joined Youth With A Mission (YWAM), I had taught English to middle schoolers at a California inner-city school. My first three years were plagued by 13-and-14-year-old monsters determined to make them my last. Carefully crafted lesson plans were daily sabotaged with rudeness, crudeness, and immature antics that targeted my insecurities. I didn’t know how to handle it, and the anger and stress within reached new heights. So, when the YWAM teacher asked who I had not yet forgiven, guess who popped into my mind? Ugh! Do I really need to forgive them? It’s in the past. I’m a nice guy. I don’t hate anybody. . . Do I?
What Is It Exactly?
Even “nice” people hold on to offenses and keep them for a lifetime. Acts of betrayal, abuse, violence all the way down to disappointments and unmet expectations feel as if they’re wrapped in Velcro. Actually, it’s not that they stick to us but that we grip them so tightly. It’s as if we think we can strangle the hurt if we just hold on long enough. Bad news: IT DOESN’T WORK! The longer I cling to any level of offense, the more it becomes a part of me, even seeping into my identity as it plants its poison. And the long-term results are not pretty.
To forgive, simply put, is to let go. I don’t release my offense against others necessarily for their benefit. It’s so I can be free. For me to be able to hear God clearly (read Choosing to Hear God on His Terms), love others and experience God’s forgiveness for all the stuff I’ve done, I must choose to let go!
Read MoreChoosing Life-Giving Words
As far back as I can remember, I have largely interpreted life, my value, and my impressions of those around me through the words I hear. What I have taken in through my ears has lodged deep into my soul. Countless words have cut like a knife, leaving me struggling for air, while many others have wrapped around me like a warm blanket on a wintry day, imparting strength to keep going. And still others, for better or worse, have quietly shaped my perceptions and understanding of the world. Some carry the breath of life. Others work to strangle or crush it. They’re more than just physical sound waves pounding on my eardrums. They carry something invisible and other-worldly with a potency that can rearrange a person’s insides for good or for bad.
Words matter.
Their force, I believe, is rooted in their origin. The Bible tells us that the Almighty Creator brought into physical existence that which was in His mind by speaking. “And God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light” (Genesis 1:3). In that same chapter, we’re also told that God created man and woman in His image (Genesis 1:26-27). While bearing His image holds many theological implications, one of them, it seems, is that we possess abilities patterned, to a lesser degree, after our Creator. Humans can take something they have imagined in their minds and bring it into existence through creative labor. Every invention (like the lightbulb), every work of craftsmanship (like a mahogany table), and every organizational system (like government agencies) started at one time as an idea in someone’s head. Like the One who made us, we all are creators at some level . . . for good or for bad.
What are we calling into being?
Words are the most basic creative element we possess. They start as ideas in our heads, or even in our spirits, and as we choose to speak or write them, they can transform into forces that impact everyone around us. I was taught a phrase when I was young that I now believe to be completely untrue: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me.” It would be nice if words with ill intent would just bounce off like rain on an umbrella. But typically, they don’t. There have been moments in my life when I would have much rather endured a physical injury than bear the cutting trauma of being ridiculed, accused, discounted, or belittled by what someone said. The pain a person’s tongue inflicts can leave a soul battered and feeling as if it’s dying.
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Choose This Day 