Choosing to Choose
Someone once pulled me aside after a class I taught and said something close to the following: “I can’t believe that God is loving. He put people in the Garden along with a tree He told them not to touch, saying it would lead to their death. He set them up to fall. How can He be good?”
I don’t remember my immediate response, but I’ve since pondered that final question quite a bit. Why would God deliberately place a deadly forbidden object within the easy reach of those He claimed to love? No responsible parent today would keep an open box of poison in their home within reach of their small child and simply say, “Don’t touch it, or you will die.” Child Protection Services would have good reason to investigate.
In all my reflections, I have always chosen to start with the premise that God is good. That’s what the Bible states over and over, and it seems fair to study a Bible story within the context of the Bible as a whole. So, I ask myself, how does this tree-leading-to-death scenario in Eden fit into God’s loving character? As Creator, couldn’t He have put such a tree beyond human reach, or better yet not have made it at all? What was His purpose, and how could it possibly be good?
Genesis chapter 2 tells us that the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil was accessible yet forbidden. But there was another tree in the Garden with no restrictions on it—The Tree of Life. It seems that God wanted them to eat the fruit of this second tree. It would ensure they always had His divine life within them. Instead in a crazy twist, they chose the forbidden fruit that promised death. Wouldn’t it have been better if God had not given them a choice at all?
Read MoreChoosing Things Above
I first smoked a cigar in college. Somehow I had managed to avoid all tobacco before that. When I joined several other film students in a project to tell a story set during a poker game, we decided our set needed to be filled with smoke. Of course there were other ways to produce that image without actually smoking multiple cigars. But in our youthful wisdom, lighting up and puffing on multiple stogies was obviously the best way. Unfortunately for me, I sought no outside guidance on whether this was a good idea nor regarding how to go about smoking my first few wads of rolled tobacco leaves. By the end of filming, I was not feeling well. I also couldn’t recall why I had been so eager to puff on these things. And in case you’re wondering, the film turned out to be an embarrassment. We put more thought into filling our room with smoke than the actual story we were trying to tell.
I look back and still wonder why I was so excited to light up that first time. The best answer I can come up with is that I wasn’t in touch with my real desires. Though I had refrained from tobacco throughout my high school years, the image of a real man sitting in a high-backed chair casually blowing smoke rings massaged a deep longing. Descriptors like “mature,” “confident,” “respectable,” “cool” pressed into my mind. The film class provided an opportunity to become that image. Or, so I thought. The occasion, in reality, gave me none of what I anticipated. In fact, at the end of the day, I felt like an impotent child who couldn’t handle any adult stuff. I was nothing close to the coveted image of a suave and urbane man. The experience left enough of a negative impression that I never touched tobacco again. My core longings had not been addressed at all.
Read MoreChoosing to Not Be Like Jonah
My father was a boy during World War 2. He often heard of atrocities that America’s enemies, the Japanese and the Germans, were committing. According to the stories, those foreigners were the villainous aggressors, and they were seeking to come to our country to do the same things. In his child’s imagination, the images of these people resembled monsters. They were evil incarnate.
Then came the day he learned that his own grandparents and mother were Germans. The mental dissonance was overwhelming. How could his gentle, caring mom be one of the enemy? Of course, she wasn’t. And thus my dad had his first lesson on one of the problems that come with judging whole groups of people with simplistic labels.
What are God’s thoughts on canceling people because of their reputation, behavior, or beliefs?
A Prophet’s Struggles
We get a good idea of God’s perspective in the Old Testament book of Jonah. God told this prophet to go to Nineveh and announce that unless the people of that city repented of their evil ways, it was going to be destroyed. Jonah however, refused. He got on a ship sailing the opposite direction, seeking to get as far from Nineveh as possible. A horrendous storm came up, and to keep the rest of the passengers and sailors from perishing, Jonah had them throw himself overboard. He was aware that his disobedience was the cause of the storm. What happened next is the most familiar part of his story.
A giant fish swallowed him. And we are told that he survived in its belly for three days while he went through an uncomfortable repentance process. He was then spit onto dry ground and given a second chance to do what God had instructed.
I have tended to view Jonah as a jerk. The story narrator tells us that the prophet didn’t want to preach to the people of Nineveh because he was concerned they would actually respond to his message. That’s not the usual fear of a preacher.
“I knew that you are a merciful and compassionate God, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. You are eager to turn back from destroying people” (Jonah 4:2 NLT).
And because he was familiar with these character qualities of God, he rightly predicted how the Almighty would respond if the people of Nineveh responded to his message. God is merciful and prefers to forgive than destroy. So, how could this prophet of God know all this and yet be so heartless toward Nineveh?
Read MoreChoosing a New Father Image
“I believe in God, but I don’t feel close to Him,” a young woman told me after a class one day. She went on to say how she wanted a better relationship with God, but thinking of Him as a father meant nothing to her— although she sometimes was angry with Him. She had felt close to God when she was a small child, but she could not imagine Him being there for her now when she really needed Him. Most of her prayers felt as if they hit the ceiling and dropped to the ground unheard. After a bit more conversation, she mentioned that her dad had died of a heart attack when she was eight.
Her dad was gone, and she felt that Heavenly Father had disappeared too. Was there a connection? Does the relationship (or lack of one) with our earthly dads influence how we think of or feel about God?
I think so.
A Unique Relationship
I have learned from experience that this is a touchy subject. Talking about God as Father stirs emotions. People have told me that they suddenly feel angry with me for bringing up the topic. Others sob uncontrollably. Still others go strangely numb, feeling nothing at all. Of all the topics I have taught in discipleship courses, the Fatherheart of God has consistently produced the most varied and strong reactions. The cultural background or ethnicity of the listeners has not seemed to matter. Why is this so?
Every human has parents. The power of a mother and father (present or not) in shaping the sense of being and life trajectory of a person is undeniable. While the role of a mother, among many other things, helps determine the foundation of whether someone feels lovable, nurtured and secure, fathers—more than any other role—possess the ability to shape identity and purpose (for good or for ill). Children carry the family name of their dads and longingly look to a father to show them who they really are, their personal value and why they’re in this particular family and even on this earth. To have a dad’s undivided attention, patient input, guidance and adoration is every kid’s dream.
Read MoreChoosing Love from a Father
I vividly remember the moment I became a dad. My daughter was a tiny thing, just over five pounds. Holding her, I couldn’t comprehend the strange feelings pulsing inside me. As I looked into her little face, I thought, “I don’t even know you, yet I’m sure I would die for you.”
That was my introduction to the emotions of being a father. I was surprised with the overwhelming affection I felt for this naked, helpless, yet demanding creature. It wasn’t long before another thought rocked my reality. If I, an imperfect human and dad, can feel this strongly about my child, then what does my Heavenly Father feel toward me? The thought brought tears. Can I be loved with such strong affection by a holy, all-powerful God? And just as I was getting lost in these reflections, something warm ran down my arm. My precious little girl had peed on me. But did that change how I felt about her? Not in the slightest!
The Unmoved Mover?
I enjoy theology. For me, it’s thinking about God, what He’s like, what His motivations and desires are and how we humans can possibly connect with Him. Unfortunately, some theological thought can lead people away from a relationship with God as they wander down paths that tarnish His character or drill into only one aspect of the infinite spectrum of His qualities. Thinkers of the past, like Thomas Aquinas and Aristotle, have been referenced to make a case for God as a being who does not experience emotion. It’s called the doctrine of Divine Impassibility. The basic (extremely simplified) idea is that God doesn’t change (which I agree with). Emotions are so changeable (which I also agree with). Therefore, God doesn’t experience emotions (not sure I agree with that part).
The logic makes some sense, but there are some additional matters that need to be considered. While human emotions can have us happy one moment and depressed the next as we respond to circumstances or brain chemicals, God is different. Everything about Him is stable and righteous. Nevertheless, the Bible presents the Almighty at various times as delighted, grieved, joyful, regretful, angry and tender. It’s always in the context, however, of His righteous character interacting with the imperfect, unrighteous ones He loves—never merely out-of-control, knee-jerk impulses. His goodness and holiness are constant throughout the scriptures. We could say that His emotions do not control Him, but at various times they highlight what He values. Overall, it appears to me that God has feelings and that He is rightly moved by them.
A Father’s Heart
The New Testament carries a strong theme of God as our Father. Does that mean He has the feelings of a dad toward His kids? I think so.
Read MoreChoosing Straight Paths
I was on a 10-day camping trip in California’s Sierra Nevada mountains. It was part of my university’s leadership training. We were divided into teams one day with each group receiving a topographical map and a compass. After being shown a spot on the map we were to go, each team was released every 15 minutes to find their way. We would get our next meal when we arrived, and there was a prize awaiting the team with the best time.
An assertive personality immediately took charge in my group, claiming he had used a compass several times when he was a kid. He led us in a straight line across the terrain, northeast, toward our objective. We used the map to roughly calculate how close we were getting, but the compass kept us going in the right direction. We were making great time and congratulating each other that we were going to get the best food and might be setting a record for this exercise.
Then our leader suddenly stopped. To our shock and dismay, we came out of the woods and found ourselves on the edge of a high cliff, a sheer drop off of several hundred feet. Below, we could see where the teams that had left before us were now gathering. But there was no way to descend to them. Oh, how I wanted to be down there at that moment but couldn’t. We had to back track, go around a mountain, and ended up being the last group to arrive, humbly getting the last scraps of lunch. We were then shown how the topographical map held the clues that the path we were on wasn’t going to work. If only we had paid attention to all those tight lines that indicated a steep drop off straight ahead. But we were trusting in our limited knowledge of maps and compasses, not realizing till it was too late how little we really knew.
My Own Understanding
One of the early scripture passages I memorized as a child was Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”
What is it that we are looking for when we seek out a path? Typically, we choose trails or roads according to where we believe they will take us. I know of no one who deliberately gets on a highway that goes in the opposite direction of the end goal. How many of us have gotten lost while confident and even certain that we’re taking the right way? We often get lost by reading, researching, or listening to directions wrongly, or following bad directions that we assume are good. That inner compass isn’t always as accurate as we feel it to be.
Read MoreChoosing Not to Hurt God’s Heart
Scenario 1: An ugly thing
A man claims the sole right to his girlfriend’s attention and affection. He gets heated when she laughs with a coworker or appears to be sharing something personal with an acquaintance. He looks as if he wants to hurt someone when the FedEx delivery guy lingers a little too long at her desk. Observers shake their heads, wondering how someone can be so dense and immature. He should know she does not belong to him. Afterall, that’s not how love is supposed to work.
Or is it?
Scenario 2: A heart-breaking thing
A woman stares at her wedding ring with tears smeared across her cheeks. She replays in her mind that day when he vowed to give himself completely to her and no other for as long as they both would live. But there’s more than enough evidence now to the contrary: numerous late nights at work, passcode changed on his phone. And then there are the multiple sightings she’s been told of—dinner with her. The theater with her. Strolls in the park with her. In a surge of anger mixed with pain, she removes the ring and hurls it against the wall. He should know that he belongs to his wife, not her. That’s how marriage is supposed to work.
Is it really?
Broken Covenant
Jealousy is unpleasant and rightfully condemned in relationships—that is, unless there have been binding vows exchanged. Somehow, a marriage commitment changes things. What starts out as mutual attraction morphs into two people in love. The lovers then commit in matrimony to reserve their affection, intimacy and bodies for each other, uniting their lives in exclusive intimacy. So, how is one supposed to feel if his partner violates this covenant?
Suppose a friend observes my wife spending “extra” time with the FedEx delivery man as he drops off packages. It starts with him lingering longer than necessary at her work to chat. Then he begins leaving little gifts on her desk, including a vase of red roses, that she seems to thoroughly enjoy. Finally, my friend happens to see them together at a coffee shop, holding hands. The friend solemnly approaches me and shares all that’s been observed. What would he think if I responded with, “Yeah, I know. But I’m sure it doesn’t mean much. Besides, she’s old enough to make her own decisions. No big deal.”
I imagine this friend, and anyone else who heard my reaction, would question how much I love my wife. They might also begin to understand, in light of my indifference, why she finds the FedEx man attractive. On the other hand, what would be an appropriate reaction as a husband? Distress? Tears? Anger? My response to unfaithfulness reveals how much I value the relationship in the first place. Jealousy is fitting when what has been pledged to me is given to someone else. And I’m not the only one who feels that way.
Read MoreChoosing to Fear God
Voices. They ring in my ears and shout in my mind. I don’t seem to be able to rid myself of their pressure. They want to be my guide, to instruct me in what I ought to do. They cajole, threaten, rationalize, alarm, accuse and soothe me at different moments. Often the easiest thing to do is submit to their demands. Is this my version of going crazy? Or is it an internal obstacle course that every human navigates? When I stop to honestly examine what’s going on, I find the common thread of these cries to be distress and anxieties about what others think of me. They’re powerful. And they expect to be obeyed.
The closest explanation I find in the Bible labels what I’m experiencing as the “fear of man.” This sensitivity to others’ opinions and voices works to keep me on a certain path. Where this road leads, I have no idea. I just know that it feels intolerable to stray from it. Only later, sometimes much later, I realize it has taken me to places I didn’t want to go. I then see that I was listening to the wrong thing.
“Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe” (Proverbs 29:25).
The Bible reveals that there is a trap laid for me, and I must be alert. If my ultimate concern when making decisions is appeasing the voices of people (be they inside or outside my head) I will eventually be caught in something that keeps me from going where I truly need to and want to be. And it will be exceedingly difficult to get out of it. How to avoid such a snare? Trust the Lord and not the smooth-sounding or coarse-accusing voices ringing in my ears.
Fear of Man vs. Fear of the Lord
The idea of “fearing man” does not necessarily mean being afraid of people (or the male gender in particular). I understand it to be more about holding certain people’s opinions in high regard, to the point of letting them be the final say in what I do or don’t do. Who are those who have this kind of power in my life?
Read MoreChoosing to Encourage
I was in the third grade when I painfully discovered something about myself. A teacher was giving a math lesson on the multiplication table using a chart with colored geometric shapes. She asked for a volunteer to provide the answer to 3X3, referring to the colored circles on the poster. I raised my hand, was called on, and enthusiastically shouted out, “Nine blue circles!” I knew I had the right answer. But the teacher’s response confused me. “No, they’re purple. What’s wrong with you?” She then asked another child to provide the “correct” answer. Everyone in the class was looking. That was the first time I remember feeling such shame. Something was wrong with me. A year later at an eye doctor’s appointment, I was diagnosed with a type of color blindness. Certain shades of blues and purples, among other colors, looked virtually the same in my world.
On the surface, this shouldn’t have been an event that left a scar. Yet more than 50 years later, it’s still quite vivid in my memory. I forgave the teacher who callously humiliated me a long time ago and have since learned to laugh off most of my color-blind blunderings. But the incident also highlighted for me the difference between merely calling out people’s weaknesses versus calling out courage for them to grow beyond their weaknesses and walk out their destiny.
What’s on God’s heart for me?
There are all kinds of human weaknesses. The Bible is clear that God is merciful, gentle, and kind. Yet He sees our sin and does not wink at it or write it off as merely a mistake. Our alienation from Him stems from the choice made long ago in human history, that people still affirm, to depend on our own understanding rather than on the One who made us. Jesus was sent to the earth to cover our shameful weaknesses and forgive and repair the damage done by our blatant sin. He does a perfect balancing act of truth and love.
So, how might God correct His children in their weaknesses and sin? He’s not afraid to point out the things in our lives that need to be mended or repented of. He loves us, after all, too much to let us remain the same, going around in circles in our brokenness. He desires to give us what we need to move forward. He sees each of us as we were meant to be: sons and daughters, members of His royal family. And that is the eternal future He is always drawing and calling us to.
Read MoreChoosing to Give What I Have
How many plans have been started with grand vision and then abandoned because of how insignificant and underwhelming the idea later felt? My visionary follow-through often struggles. Emotions of discouragement settle in when the glorious things I imagine don’t swiftly materialize.
Not seeing an acorn rapidly sprout into a mighty oak, could easily keep me from watering, nurturing, or even planting it in the first place. Difficulty envisioning a broken, painful relationship restored to something beautiful and lifegiving could keep me from pursuing it, praying for it, and persevering in hope. Even the process of what God desires to transform within me could stall before it starts as old fears, mindsets, and doubts stubbornly refuse to surrender their dominance. It’s so difficult to go all in when what I’m starting with is pitifully miniscule or deformed, carrying no resemblance of what I’m hoping for.
Exercising faith can be so hard.
Yet a tiny, mediocre, or unlikely beginning best describes the inception of so many significant undertakings. Only later is the fully-matured outcome looked upon as grand and imposing. God seems to have no problem starting with something or someone that is tiny, broken, or unimpressive. In the book of the prophet Zechariah, He warns His people to not wrongly judge the initial steps of rebuilding the temple. All they could see was a sadly mediocre foundation. It promised none of the greatness of the awe -inspiring place of worship that Solomon had built.
“Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin . . .” (Zechariah 4:10a NLT).
He Sees it Differently than Us
God was the hopeful One. He was delighted that what He had in mind was being acted upon. He didn’t degrade any part of the project that had begun in faithful obedience. But what do we tend to do when we despise something? Reject it. Neglect it. Disregard it. When we can’t see the significance, we easily turn our attention to other things, and in the process miss what God is doing and what He has in mind for our future and the future of the world.
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Choose This Day 