Choosing to Notice My Famous Neighbor
It’s a classic idea for a romance story. A prince, a princess, or a wealthy heir for some reason goes undercover and lives as an ordinary, unassuming character. In the course of everyday life, someone gets to know the royal or moneyed individual as just a common, regular person and falls in love. And then at a strategic moment in the story, it is revealed that the one he or she loves is so much more than was first recognized. Wedding bells soon are ringing.
Audiences seem to never really get tired of imagining this kind of scenario. It gratifies a certain desire for happiness – the kind that jumps out and pleasantly surprises. Choosing someone even when his or her fame or glory is hidden or completely unknown reveals a purity of love that we all find attractive. But does this kind of thing ever really happen outside of a Hallmark movie?
In the essay, The Weight of Glory, C.S. Lewis touches on this subject in his own unique way. He starts by exploring human desire and the ways we work to satisfy it. He challenges the reader to see that God is not asking us to repress all our longings and cravings. Rather, our Maker is wanting us to learn to redirect our desires and appreciate the pleasures He designed for us to live in and enjoy forever. The form of bliss Lewis explores is that of being seen, applauded, and praised by someone we recognize as greater than ourselves. This sort of pleasure is obvious in a Golden Retriever as it relishes in its master’s praise. It is also noticeable in a child who is verbally affirmed by a teacher or parent. And even adults, whether they admit it or not want to hear words of support and encouragement from a boss who has high expectations. To be seen and praised by one who is in an authority position can stir a heart on to greater accomplishment, touching a longing we might not even know we had.
Where does this desire come from and . . . where can it take us?
Read MoreChoosing to Not Fear Exclusivity
During a long layover in an airport years ago, I experienced some unpleasant interaction with airport staff. While wandering the terminal looking for something to help pass the time, I came upon the lounge for the particular airline I was flying. My immediate thought was “here is a place to relax for a few hours.” Knowing nothing about how airline lounges operated, I was stopped at the door and asked if I needed help. When I said I just wanted to come in to hang out between flights, the woman asked to see my boarding pass. After staring at it for a few moments, her gaze shifted to me. Her eyes scanned me up and down. Her expression changed from a smiling servant to a scowling judge.
“You don’t belong in here,” she said, lifting her nose a bit higher and returning the boarding pass as if it was infected with a disease. “You can ‘hang out’ over there.” And she pointed to rows of seating on the other side of the hall that were bursting with human bodies. Without another word, she turned and let the door slowly close behind her so I could glimpse what I was being denied: padded chairs that looked as if they could double as beds as well as a buffet line full of all kinds of food and drinks. I walked away, sorry I was missing the comfort, but mostly stinging from being told I was not worthy of such a place. The snub weighed heavy on me for the rest of the day.
Why Does It Hurt So?
We humans hate being turned away and left out. Many associated words come to mind that leave the same residue of pain: shunned, rejected, unwelcomed, unwanted, devalued, despised, abandoned. Places, groups, or events that are exclusively for certain people and have strict criteria for who are allowed are always wonderful for those who are “in.” But, we who are left out easily let that hurt turn into anger and even bitterness. No one really likes being forced to be on the “outside.”
This is especially true when the criteria for being on the inside is based on things we cannot change about ourselves, like skin color, nationality, and ethnicity. Taking a stance of exclusivity has become especially unpopular and even illegal in our present cultural climate. And for most cases, I believe it is good to challenge old and unexamined exclusive attitudes.
Is It Ever Right?
But as a follower of Jesus, I’m caught in what feels like a dilemma.
Read MoreChoosing Old Stuff
Newer is almost always better. This is especially true with technology and when deciding what leftovers in the refrigerator to eat.
Cars with lower mileage are almost always preferable to the old ones. Almost. There are those vehicles considered classics and in high demand. The first one that comes to mind is the Volkswagen Microbus. My parents had one for a short time during the 60’s. I was a small kid, but I remember it well. It was fun! Being before seatbelt laws, we experienced the pleasure of unrestrained mobility inside a moving vehicle.
So, what makes some older things better than newer ones? It seems to have something do with what they remind us of. Classic cars recall simpler days and more powerful engines. The VW bus (minus a powerful engine) is associated with the counter-culture movement and the ideals of simplicity. Certain old items as well as old concepts can teach us and help clarify what is important by reminding us what worked in former days as opposed to all the “new stuff” that bombards us today. Examining the past can bring clarity to the present and guidance for navigating the future.
There’s Nothing That’s TRULY New
King Solomon is attributed with saying, “There is nothing new under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 1:9). Old ideas have a way of refurbishing themselves and appearing shiny and hip. As far back as 460 B.C. Greek philosopher, Democritus, theorized that everything is made up of tiny invisible particles. Most everyone dismissed the idea as clearly not fitting reality. More than 2,000 years later atomic theory was developed and is now an undisputed foundation of the sciences.
In Mark Twain’s Own Autobiography, he famously wrote, “There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. We give them a turn and they make new and curious combinations. We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely; but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages.”
There are many old things that I am happy to say “good riddance” to, like lead paint, mercury fillings, and 8-Track music tapes. But what might be some of the “old pieces of colored glass,” or even ancient pieces of the kaleidoscope, that have been forgotten and discarded by many yet contain treasure our present world desperately needs?
Read MoreChoosing to Give Up!
I chaperoned a field trip for my daughter’s elementary school class years ago. We went to San Antonio, Texas and toured the Alamo Mission. Having lived in Texas for several years by that time, the history of the place was already familiar. As part of settlers in 1836 seeking to break away from Mexican rule, 189 defenders in the Alamo took on more than 2000 Mexican troops. All the Alamo fighters died, except for a few non combatants. Among the dead was the famous frontiersman and Tennessee congressman, Davy Crockett.
As I wandered through the historical site, trying to keep track of 5th graders who had little interest in early 19th century history, a thought occurred to me. What if the defenders of the Alamo had just surrendered? I didn’t dare speak this question out loud for any of my Texan friends to hear. The Alamo and the death of its defenders in the fight for independence is a national shrine of Texan pride for many. “Remember the Alamo” is still a slogan that can be heard in certain regions of the state. But the question persisted: was it really necessary for them all to fight to the death? Why didn’t they raise the white flag when they saw they were surrounded, and victory was hopeless?
Why not raise the white flag?
It got me thinking about what keeps people from surrendering. Of course there are times and seasons where, like the Alamo defenders, we honor those who tenaciously hold on against overwhelming odds: those battling cancer or some other terminal disease; those wrestling with mental illness or addictions; those persevering in hope through sadness and loss; those who resist bitterness and choose to forgive and even honor relationships that have been hurtful. Yes, there are times when surrendering to the forces lined up against us is not the best or right thing to do.
I find that I want to resist surrendering when I believe that the force or person to whom I feel forced to acquiesce is untrustworthy and intends me harm. I don’t want to give in to bad people or situations that will destroy what I value. Another source of resistance to surrendering is the fear of who or what I will become (or look like) if I concede to the pressure and just “roll over.” Surrendering exposes aspects of my character and identity. If I submit and give up, I can appear to be cowardly, selfish, and shallow. And I definitely want to resist that.
The question remains, however; when (if ever) is it appropriate, healthy, and right to give up and stop resisting the force that is pushing in to conquer me?
I think I can best explore this through the retelling of a bit more history.
Read MoreChoosing to Listen
Ear plugs have become my friend over the years. Whether it’s to dampen outside noise in a motel room with thin walls, help me mute distracting sounds so I can focus on the book I’m reading, or to get a good night’s sleep with a snoring roommate, they’re very helpful. But I’m also growing to appreciate how they can protect my hearing. More and more of my friends are dealing with hearing loss. For some it’s natural with age. For others, it’s a disability or the result of a sickness. Of course for some it is the result of prolonged exposure to loud noises. They are now paying for the rock concerts of their youth.
To hear well is something we often don’t appreciate until we start losing the ability. Technology is allowing us to make up for some of that loss with ever-more-efficient hearing aids. But overall, I find it is easy for those who don’t know any difference to take hearing for granted. We just don’t think about what it takes to comprehend all that’s going on around us.
Longing to be Heard
I remember when I first spent time with a person born deaf. As a boy, I was fascinated with the thought of not being able to hear anything. I also began to comprehend that if someone has never heard sounds before, he will have difficulty speaking. The boy I met was in my youth group, and we all decided to learn some sign language to help with communication. He was delighted with our attempts and would try to speak as he signed his responses. But I could never understand his spoken words. Reflecting on those experience years later, it dawned on me how much he wanted to be heard, whether it was through his voice or his hands. It’s an innate longing of humans. The need to communicate in some way or form is deeply embedded in each of us.
While disease, accidents, and loud noises can disrupt our physical hearing, there are other kinds of hearing problems that infect us humans. It doesn’t take too long to realize that a person can have fully operational ears but still not really hear what’s going on. Hearing involves more than functional eardrums and an acute sensitivity to sound. There must be a desire and commitment to do what is necessary to understand the meaning of what is being said.
Read MoreChoosing to Trust What I Cannot See
The well-known British philosopher and atheist, Bertrand Russell (1872-1970), was supposedly asked later in his life how he would explain his beliefs if he was confronted with God after he died. It is said that he quickly replied, “Not enough evidence, God! Not enough evidence.”
I have often wondered how much evidence would it take to convince him, or any atheist, of God’s existence. What kind of proof is necessary to satisfy anybody that there is a personal God? It seems to me that belief in a deity or some kind of spiritual reality is more a matter of human will than anything else. If I don’t want there to be a God (at least the kind of God I am imagining), then I am likely to find the means to explain away any “evidence” that might be presented. But, if I do desire a God (of any kind), I am more apt to have eyes to see all kinds of things and happenings as evidence pointing to the likelihood that there really is a spiritual Being and reality outside myself.
Faith (a choice of my will) makes the difference. I have to decide I am going to trust.
Read MoreChoosing My Filter
Don’t you hate it when you find grounds in your coffee? I am not a barista or even close to being a “coffee snob,” but I imagine there can be multiple reasons for such grit in my morning java. The most common reason I’ve been told, when using a plain ol’ drip coffee maker, is the wrong grind. Too coarse and perhaps you don’t experience the full flavor. Too fine (my tendency) and the water backs up and spills over into the pot, taking bean particles with it. Yuck.
A filter is supposed to take care of this problem. It is meant to hold back the stuff you don’t want and let through the stuff that makes the coffee worth drinking. But these strainers are for more than just hot beverages. Make sure you get new oil and air filters for the next round of maintenance on your car. Furnaces and air conditioners need them too. Don’t forget the water filter. They collect and hold back destructive and unhealthy particles from moving through and destroying your engine and your health. In addition, there is the metaphorical filter we all appreciate when people use it on their mouths. Most agree that not everything that comes through the mind should be spoken. A little self control, maybe?
The concept of filtering can be applied to so many things. But the results are not always positive. For various reasons, many of us also apply filters to our minds and beliefs that keep us from seeing, hearing, and experiencing life-giving ideas and truth. The good stuff can get filtered out too.
Read MoreChoosing What I am Passionate About
I had a professor in college who challenged all of us to be passionate . . . about anything. Throughout the semester he often said that it didn’t really matter what we were passionate about, just that we cared deeply enough about a cause, a line of work, or an area of study to give ourselves completely to it. Half-heartedness was our greatest enemy as we took steps into adulthood. I was moved and spent quite a bit of time afterwards pondering what I could care about so deeply to have it direct my life in the way that the teacher described. While I claimed to follow Jesus at the time, the idea of making God the focus of my passion did not come to mind for some reason. The professor had directed us to find a cause or activity to feel deeply about. And so, I tried a few things, like long-distance running, exploring new kinds of music, and even political projects and activities that benefited the poor.
It was not too long after this that I proposed to my girlfriend. Marriage and my passion for her and our life together became my focus. The other pursuits were pushed into the back seat, with some of them falling out of favor for good. Left to themselves, passions often don’t last long – definitely not forever. But I have often revisited some of those early ponderings and wondered whether it is true that it doesn’t matter what I am passionate about, or what I allow my deepest affections to go after. Passion is the goal, regardless what it’s focused on. But is EVERYTHING worth passionately committing to as long as I feel it deeply? Does simply choosing to give my affection to something automatically make it worthy of a passionate pursuit?
Read MoreChoosing to Accept an Unlikely Rescue
For as far back as I can remember, I have known the words to the old hymn: Amazing Grace. But the truly amazing thing is how long it has taken me to understand them. The lyrics were written by John Newton, an Anglican minister, on New Year’s Day 1773. They were part of a sermon he gave describing his conversion to Christ. He captained a slave ship in his younger years and almost died in a storm crossing the Atlantic in 1748. His tribute to the grace of God saving a wretch like himself was set to music a few years later. One of the most enduring hymns of all time then came into being.
In my mind, it was most meaningful for those “wretches” that had done unspeakably terrible things. I didn’t see myself as that bad.
Because of my self-righteous attitude, it was difficult for me to appreciate “grace.” To be honest, the word always felt a bit flimsy and fluffy. It seemed to be for those who couldn’t make mature decisions, who needed to have their hands held to get through the day. It didn’t fit my subconscious picture of personal strength and manliness (it was a girl’s name after all). And while I didn’t outright reject the idea, I did push it to the back of mind, never really examining it.
It’s Scandalous
I read a book as an adult called What’s So Amazing About Grace?. It shook me. In it, Philip Yancey unpacked the word “grace,” making a case that it is a very pleasant and, at the same time, a shocking and offensive concept. He pointed out that, like me, most people view grace as a nice soft religious word . . . until it is seriously proposed.
Read MoreChoosing Where I Put My Faith, Hope, and Love
The word “forever” can be interpreted differently depending on what a person wants. A couple reciting their marriage vows might intend the meaning to be “as long as I shall live” or “until things get too difficult.” A child who claims to have a BFF (best friend forever) could be wanting it to mean “until we part ways,” or “until the end of the school year,” or even “until I find a better friend.” That person who received a life sentence in prison likely chooses for it to mean “until a successful appeal can be made.”
The English language has so many words that can be used as synonyms for “forever.” Everlasting, perpetual, enduring, undying, unending, perennial, unceasing, always. And there are many more. It’s almost as if there is something hardwired inside us to expect, or to long, for things or situations that have no end, or at least to feel like they have no end. Yet, it is so hard for us mortals to grasp a mental picture of any thing, any situation, any relationship, or any being that could exist forever. We seem to be stuck in an in-between place, imagining and desiring something we cannot fully picture, hold on to, or even decide if we truly want.
It Will Have NO END
The Biblical word is “eternal.” As followers of Jesus, we have been promised eternal life (John 3:16). What does eternal, unending existence mean? Every once in awhile I realize how little I plan around the idea of living forever. I rarely think about possessing something that never ends and cannot be taken from me. But if I truly believe that endless life is my future, how should I think, respond, and choose differently in my everyday life today?
And horrors of horrors, what if those things to which I give all my time, energy, and thought in this life are the only things available to me in my eternal existence? What qualities, accomplishments, attitudes, or relationships that I presently possess do I want to live with forever? Which ones of them have any eternal value?
For a long time, I have been fascinated with the last verse of 1 Corinthians 13. Known by many as the “Love Chapter,” it provides a beautiful description of what love looks like. The last verse says: “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:13 NIV).
Read More
Choose This Day 