Choosing a Different Kind of Medication
It’s a condition that I have had for many years now.
I am prone to develop infections in my colon that can be extremely painful. It has put me in the hospital in the past, and I have come to recognize the feeling in my body when it’s beginning. I usually have to fight a sense of panic that wants to take over. That is when I scramble to come up with the best treatment, which in the past was always antibiotics, preceded by a frantic call to my doctor begging for a prescription. But in recent years, those pills that always promised healing, have made me feel just as bad as the sickness.
What was I to do?
My condition is called diverticulosis. And when an infection develops, it’s then known as diverticulitis. I finally came to the conclusion that through increased fiber intake with water, probiotics, and a lot of prayer, I could avoid the antibiotics. And it has worked for the past few years.
But what’s my point in detailing my intestinal health? Only that when I’m in pain, I look for relief — usually whatever I believe will provide it the quickest. And sometimes what I imagine to be a cure can be as bad, if not worse, than the disease from which I am seeking freedom. And I don’t think I’m alone in this.
Emotional Pain?
Discomfort of the soul stirs similar desires and tendencies within me. I don’t like feeling bad, whether it be sadness, guilt, inadequacy, or boredom. However, I typically do not naturally seek to understand where the internal uneasiness comes from. I just want relief. So, I reach for the nearest remedy that will dull or cover up the distress. Thus the self-medication I apply to my soul or psyche rarely, if ever, solves anything. It either merely prolongs the uncomfortable feelings, once my quick fix wears off, or it leaves me feeling worse with increased sadness, guilt, or confusion.
Read MoreChoosing to Give Up on Revenge
I almost killed my younger brother when I was 12. He was being mean to our sister, and when I stepped in, he said something—I don’t remember what. But I lost it. I put my hands around his throat and squeezed as hard as I could. The screams of our sister finally cleared the red haze clouding my brain. My brother’s face was a shade of blue. I pulled away, stunned that I could do such a thing. Even though I was young, and I felt my feelings were justified, I couldn’t deny that something dark had churned up to the surface. And It scared me, not to mention my siblings.
What is it?
Anger is an emotion that provides a surge of energy through the body and mind. In addition, it’s a protective armor that covers the vulnerable and weak places where my insecurities dwell within. It makes me feel bigger and more powerful than I actually am. It’s addictive and difficult to put away once it is found to be effective for injecting strength I can’t otherwise access. It makes me feel in control . . . for a moment.
But it’s also destructive and twists my judgment. Yes, the Bible mentions righteous anger, the kind without sin (Ephesians 4:26). But the stuff we mostly deal with falls far from any rightness in its results: holes in walls; broken tennis rackets; refusal to speak to that person; impulsive texts that “speak our minds;” friends and family members who now avoid us; canceling; secret desires to get even and see people hurt, a younger brother with bruises around his neck. And it only gets worse.
For centuries, Jesus followers have classified anger as one of the Seven Deadly Sins.* These sins are the attitudes and behaviors that early Jesus followers recognized as seedbeds for all sorts of evil. Anger is a particularly toxic one since it is so easily justified and quickly grows. While anger can take various forms and even smolder hidden within our hearts, a common way this particular sin manifests is as a drive for revenge, desiring and even meditating on others getting the humiliation or pain we feel they’ve earned.
Wishing on them what they deserve
The Bible declares that vengeance is territory that belongs to God alone (Romans 12:19). But the hunger for it can get so strong. And the taste of it, so sweet (at least that’s what we imagine). We want justice—that is, personal satisfaction—when we’re offended. Finding a way to take it into our own hands, right a wrong, humiliate a bully, hurt a hurter or humble someone acting too arrogant just feels right and even pleasurable. But God seems to be saying that we will rarely, if ever, get it right and the pleasure, if any, will be short-lived. We only mess things up more. We are urged to leave it to Him and then bless our enemies (Luke 6:28). Anger interferes with us dealing with “undeserving” people God’s way. And He has a way, if we’ll only trust Him.
So, why is anger a deadly sin? Because so many dark, ugly, and damaging sins spring out of it. In its essence, it opens the door for us to dehumanize another person or group. Unrestrained anger then paves the way for prejudice, malicious talk, defaming another’s character, gossip, shunning, broken relationships, hatred, violence and homicide—justifying each sin the whole way. We don’t treat people as made in the image of God because in our anger we have judged they don’t deserve that sort of value. Basically, we can’t handle anger without inflicting some kind of damage on others—and ourselves. Uncontrolled anger will destroy us if not confronted. We must call it what it is and choose to turn away from it.
It’s not my friend
The first step for dealing with any sin is agreeing with God and changing the way we think about it. Do you rationalize your bad, grumbling attitude toward that jerk you have to work with? Do certain politicians consistently stir your ire which justifies your hating, belittling, and wishing the worst for them? Recognize it as the seedbed that it is. Left unconfronted, these feelings put down deep roots and grow other things in your life, like bitterness and the inability to love when it counts. As people who are called to be marked by love in our dealings with ALL people, Jesus followers must repent where anger drives our attitudes and shapes our perspective of others, no matter who the other is.
Like all sin, we must choose to hate anger in our lives and not coddle it (read my post on sin). When we feel it being stirred, we must learn to lay it down as a right, choosing to bless rather than curse (it is possible). We can ask Jesus to show us how He sees the object of our disgust and ire. We don’t have to like or tolerate the unjust actions of others, but we are called to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44), those who are against us and our values. Our human anger works against choosing love (we may have to rework our definition of love). The Bible says that the sin of anger even gives Satan a special foothold in our lives (Ephesians 4:26-27). I know I certainly don’t benefit giving him any extra help!
So, confess it as a sin. Identify what feeds your anger. Ask for help from those who can pray with you and walk you through the healing process where you’ve been hurt in the past and are vulnerable, which is often the root of much anger. Seek those who can hold you accountable in your thoughts, words and reactions. Don’t let anger make a home in your life.
God is offering to be your strength when you feel weak and your shield when you feel vulnerable. It’s not His will for you to let a cheap and toxic substitute like anger take His place.
Response:
- What are the “little” ways that the desire for personal justice (aka: revenge) creeps into my heart? How do I rationalize this as OK?
- What have been some of the fruit of uncontrolled anger in my life and relationships?
- How does anger lie to me by making me feel strong for the moment? What vulnerable issues in my life am I trying to protect with anger and need to surrender them to Jesus for His covering?
- Where do I need to have my heart healed -so anger doesn’t have a place to put down roots?
- Jesus, what do you want to say to me about the anger in my heart?
*Also known as “cardinal sins” or “capital vices,” they include pride, greed, envy, anger, sloth, gluttony and lust. They are often thought to be abuses or excessive versions of one’s natural passions. For example, the sin of anger as a desire for justice (which is natural) gone bad, twisted or out of control.
(Edited and reposted from February 1, 2021)
Choosing to Start Small
Speculations on the beginning of the universe fascinate me. There is, of course, the Big Bang Theory (not the television show). It is the most commonly known hypothesis, proposing that all existing matter was at one time compressed into a tiny, infinitely dense speck called a singularity. It then exploded (what caused the blast is unclear), sending stars and planets shooting across infinite space. At least that’s the theory. It continues to be reshaped, questioned, and for some, disregarded as additional information is collected and new theories proposed.
But the idea that something of such great magnitude as the universe could be squeezed to a point infinitely dense and minute is what I find so interesting. Is that possible? And if true, what might it have to say about the God who brought the universe into existence?
The study of nature and physics, I believe, can sometimes confirm and reveal the thoughts and values of our Creator. As I get to know my God, I have a hard time believing that anything He designed and made was random. Jesus relates water to the life-giving work of His Spirit. He also likens the consuming of bread (or any food) to be like the spiritual nourishment He provides for those who depend completely on Him. Wind and breath are equated with the work of the Holy Spirit. Many concrete physical realities are used to help us begin to understand abstract spiritual truth. The problem, of course, is that my brain is too tiny to take in all the ways creation reveals His work, His values, and His character. Yet it’s all there in front of us. And every once in a while, scientific study scratches below the surface.
Big God, Little People
Going back to the universe. We have to believe in a mighty God if we understand that He created everything that exists. But why would a being so mighty and infinite in capacity be interested in things that are so limited and tiny? The writer of Psalm 8 appears to have wondered the same thing:
Read MoreChoosing to Resist the Bitter Pill
As a kid, there were certain old people I avoided. They were the kind that didn’t seem to have the capacity to endure the messiness and clumsiness of children. They couldn’t see the intentions of little ones when something got spilt or broken. They were the kind who yelled or growled when there was a bit too much noise. They complained when kids walked on their lawn, left fingerprints on their windows, created stains on the carpet, or ran through hallways in church. Unfortunately for me, I couldn’t always avoid them. At times it felt as if they were stalking me, pointing accusing fingers, wishing aloud for the good ol’ days when children were seen but not heard. In general, they lamented how poorly they were treated by almost everybody. It wasn’t till I got older that I learned a good descriptor for this type of person: bitter.
Getting older myself, I now sometimes wonder what can keep me from becoming like one of those crotchety elders whose company I so much wanted to escape. It’s not as simple as I once assumed. For I can feel within myself attitudes or thoughts that remind me of those despised ancient ones. When I feel irritated that those around me don’t see things the right way – the way I do. When I want to blame the world’s messes on all the people out there who know nothing but at the same time overlook my own ignorance. When I don’t want to let go of the hurt and offenses committed against me and those I care about. When I feel like God has forgotten me and doesn’t seem to be concerned if I hurt or wallow in bewilderment. When pain and confusion get the better of me and all I want to do is spill it out and force others to feel it too.
The hard truth: I have great potential for becoming a bitter old man.
It Can Take Over
No one turns into a rancorous, vitriolic, distasteful human being overnight. It seeps into an individual little by little, choice by choice. I know of no one who has made it their life ambition to become that person everyone wants to avoid. But bitterness, nevertheless, shows up and produces more fruit like itself until it takes over and rules a personality.
Read MoreChoosing to Walk in Humility
It’s a simple but often maligned and misunderstood word. To be considered humble is a compliment for some and an insult for others. It’s frequently associated with being soft spoken, self-deprecating, and wallowing in low self-esteem. While most people consider it a virtue of some kind, few of us are out there actively seeking to become more humble. We intuitively know that something about it is not always going to feel good. And if someone recognizes that more humility is needed and wants to obtain it, it’s a rare person that has any idea of how to go about pursuing it.
One of the reasons more people don’t seek it is that we don’t really know exactly what it is. So many of us look for certain feelings within to assure ourselves that we possess the virtues we want. Yet the virtues of the Christian faith are much more about choosing than feeling. I have often invited students in my classes to stand up and be humble for a few moments. The clever ones will respond by saying that if they stand while everyone else is sitting, then they’re lifting themselves above the others and therefore not humble. But most of them just scratch their heads in puzzlement. Even if it is a feeling, how can a person create it on the spot?
How does one be humble on demand?
Read MoreChoosing a Soft Heart in Worship
Some stories in the Bible have struck me as unfair, and at times I have found myself sympathizing with the “bad guy.” Take for example the parable of the three servants who received money from their master to invest while he was gone (Matthew 25:14-30). I can relate to the last servant who was given only one bag of money, compared to the other servants, with one receiving two and the other five. Of course he felt less important than the other two as well as unmotivated, feeling he could never be equal with them. And then the master treated the single-bag servant so harshly. In another version of the story, the master took the one bag of silver from the chastised servant and gave it to the one who already had 10 (Luke 19:11-27)! Unfair! Unfair!
I have, however, come to appreciate the lessons from this parable (like the consequences of comparing myself with others). Yet I’m still uncomfortable with how my natural sense of fairness is rarely affirmed in the Bible. It seems that God is more often interested in what goes on inside a person (the part others can’t see) than what is judged as right or wrong from outside observation. He sees and seeks to deal with a person at a heart level.
For No Apparent Reason
Another one that has bothered me over the years is the story of Cain and Abel (Genesis 4:1-16). The two brothers each brought gifts to the LORD as part of their worship. Cain was a farmer, and so he presented a sampling of his crops to God. Abel was a shepherd who brought a lamb. Makes sense so far. But then God responded by accepting Abel’s offering and rejecting Cain’s. Cain was angry and depressed about it. There’s no further explanation. No explicit commandment that was disobeyed. Cain became so ticked off at his younger brother that he killed him, the first murder. And while of course Cain’s response was evil, some have suggested that God provoked him. Why would God arbitrarily welcome one gift and accept another, especially when both were apparently brought as an act of worship? I have been tempted again to cry “unfair!”
Read MoreChoosing a Secure Confidence
It has become a beloved classic. The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, although written by C.S. Lewis as a children’s story, has powerfully communicated the Gospel message to many adults as well. Aslan, a lion and a Christ figure in the story, has a way of getting behind some of our unhelpful stereotypical images of Jesus and God. In one very memorable scene, the four Pevensie children are questioning Mr. and Mrs. Beaver about this lion they have just heard about and are having a difficult time understanding his appeal. “’Then he isn’t safe?’ said Lucy. ‘Safe?’ said Mr. Beaver; ‘don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? Of course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.’”
Lucy’s concern about this powerful being that she and her siblings are just learning about is similar to that of many Jesus followers. Am I safe in God’s hands? Do I dare allow myself to fully trust Him with my entire life? Will I in the end get hurt or regret making myself vulnerable to Him? These are fair and very natural questions. But ultimately, I don’t think they allow us to explore God to the fullest or open the door to know Him in the way He desires to be known.
Read MoreChoosing to Just Read It!
Full disclosure: I am a recovering English teacher. It’s been many years since I stood in front of a class of middle-schoolers and attempted to convey the beauty of past participles, gerunds and the joy of diagramming a sentence. The response was almost always less than rewarding. Honestly, I never personally liked anything grammatical. It was just part of the job. And focusing on grammar never seemed to produce more motivated readers anyway. But I do find myself every once in a while, as I read, breaking apart a sentence to see if there might be anything hidden a little deeper in the text. This can be helpful when I attempt to comprehend the pithy thinking of a philosopher or theologian. Typically it sounds boring and labor-intensive, so it doesn’t happen often.
My grammatical antennae recently went up, however, as I was reading the Bible. It’s a book that is not always easy to appreciate, especially if you venture into the non-stories. It easily feels like theological gibberish and takes some work to comprehend what’s being said. But the payoff for making the effort can be enriching for a Jesus follower (and even those who are not yet following Him). Unfortunately, I don’t know the original languages of ancient Hebrew or Greek to help me in the process. But as my eyes passed over the text last week, some insignificant English words caught my attention and got me wondering. Suddenly I was seeing prepositions and actually asking myself what they meant. And that can be a bit unsettling, even for an English teacher.
Read MoreChoosing to Mature God’s Way
I only have to look in the mirror to be reminded of the many birthdays I have experienced. It’s funny how my excitement and attitude toward turning another year older have changed since I was young. Birthdays used to be the happy focal point for my entire year. It’s easy now to slip into a dark gloom as I count down to those milestone dates that mock my youthful days. What is there to look forward to as the number of candles on my cake moves well beyond a half century?
Other than increased body aches and my age corresponding with the decade that gave us lava lamps and bubble wrap, I haven’t minded getting older. I have experienced benefits, and I try to focus on those. The youthful angst is gone. I care less about what others think about me and feel freer to be and do life according to how God made me. I thoroughly enjoy solitary moments but believe more than ever that I have valuable things to offer others. And as I reflect on what has been the most important ingredient contributing to my growth from a shy, foolish, insecure boy to a man who is less shy, less foolish, and less insecure, I realize there’s been an anomaly at work.
A paradox is a statement or idea that seems contradictory at face value but when examined more closely is quite true. It’s easy to overlook such things since much of the time we don’t probe beyond the surface of an idea. The paradox that so many miss, and that I believe to be a key to greater wisdom and maturity while aging, is that I must become more like a child. Yes. I’m confident that valuing, embracing, and living out qualities that we typically attribute to children will change any life for the better.
Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it” (Mark 10:15, NLT).
Read MoreChoosing From Where I Seek Help
For some reason it’s painful to admit that I’m not a handyman. Sure, I have taught myself how to fix some things around the house. But, I have also created a lot of messes. The bottom-line issue has almost always been to save money. Time is usually less expensive for me than hiring a trained professional. So, I have been motivated to figure it out myself, or find convenient and cheap advice. My do-it-yourself plumbing jobs and electric wiring projects, therefore, have rarely been completed without mishap. Yet I’ve had just enough successes to keep me feeling “I’ve got this one.”
The writer of Psalm 121 said, “I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?” This is an ageless question. Where should we look when we need some help? We all require it, regardless whether we admit it to ourselves or not. Whether it’s how to fix the bathroom faucet from dripping, or how to climb out of a massive hole of credit-card debt, or what to do with the confusing questions surrounding identity, purpose, sexuality, past, future, etc. Sooner or later we all ask ourselves, “From where does my help come?” How we answer greatly determines where we end up down the road. The source we seek help from today will either create greater messes or lead us toward a life-giving, peaceful future.
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Choose This Day 