Choosing REAL Love
Valentine’s Day was that time of the year, when as a child I thought I would discover who truly liked me. At school, little pre-printed cards were distributed by each classmate that typically said something like, “Be My Valentine,” or “Be mine.” Some even had a piece of candy taped to it. Regardless of what the intention of the giver was, all it meant to me was that someone was thinking of me as special. But it was more often than not, disappointing. Even when I received a card from one of the girls or guys in the class with strong social capital, it took only a few seconds to realize that everyone else had received one from that person too. And then there were the cards that had “mushy” words of affection added to them, typically from someone whose special attention I did not particularly desire; for some reason those cards never counted. In the end, it was usually a day of letdown. I was looking to receive something, a certain feeling, that I did not know how to articulate. But I never thought about what I might have to give to another classmate. The Day would leave me with the question that I still often ask: What is love all about, really?
America still appears to celebrate our cultural understanding of love on Valentine’s Day. While some (children and adults) use it as a celebration of affectionate friendships, I think it’s safe to say that the majority understand it as a time to commemorate romance and sexual attraction. On this day we tend to exalt the deeper feelings of allure along with physical and emotional chemistry one person experiences with another. It is a far cry, I suspect, from what the original Saint Valentine would have endorsed.
Read MoreChoosing an Exchanged Life
I wasn’t more than ten years old when I watched my grandfather butcher a pig. Contrary to what some might imagine, I don’t think I was emotionally damaged by it. Sure, it was gruesome and bloody. But I also remember thinking that this is how we get food. I liked meat. I liked the idea of nourishing my body. And that was enough for my kid’s way of thinking to justify the act and not blame my grandfather for any cruelty.
Years later I learned that there was a lifestyle called vegetarianism. A classmate confronted me with the horrors of murdering living creatures for human consumption. I was troubled. Was it wrong to kill an animal for food? And then I read the novel When the Legends Die in one of my high-school English classes. It told the story of a young Native American struggling to navigate the traditional ways of his parents with the practices of white men that had been thrust upon him. At one point, the protagonist returns to the forest to hunt like his father had. After killing a deer, he thanks it for its sacrifice so that he, a man, can eat and live.
Kind of weird to pray to a dead animal, but something about it left an imprint on my imagination.
Death for the Innocent?
After all these years, this scene is the only one I remember from that book. It helped me visualize and articulate a personal proverb that was forming in my mind and that I’ve never forgotten: sacrifice precedes life, and thanksgiving is always the appropriate response.
Life in this world holds a mysterious quality that’s difficult to explain. The death of something innocent—like a deer or pig—makes it possible for something or someone else to have what is needed to live. On the surface, it doesn’t feel fair or even right. Why does something living have to die? Yet it’s the way it is—the circle of life, as some call it. Even vegetarians and vegans must kill certain living plants to nourish life in their own bodies. And gratitude is always the humble and right response.
Throughout human history this insight, in one form or another, has been developed, and implemented. Animal sacrifices have not always been merely to provide for food but also for appeasing deities to gain favors that would supposedly improve human existence. Human sacrifices were thrown into the mix as well. The ancient cultures of the Egyptians, Chinese, Carthaginians, and Aztecs are a few of the many that believed the more precious the sacrifice (an innocent child, accomplished warrior, or virgin), the greater the ultimate benefit for the community. It made sense to them, though it’s mere murder in our minds today.
Biblical Sacrifices
The ancient Israelites, also, were instructed to make bloody offerings, though not human. Perfectly-formed bulls and lambs gave up their lives to somehow provide a holy covering for the imperfect Jewish community. Their tabernacle and temple served as places for the continual butchering of animals. Why? Though never thoroughly explained to the satisfaction of modern rationalism, a theme of the innocent dying for the sake of the guilty runs throughout the Hebrew scriptures.
It is accepted as a given from the very first chapters of the biblical story. The first sin recorded in Genesis 3 results in the guilty humans hiding from God because they are suddenly aware of how different they are from their holy Creator. To mercifully clothe their nakedness, which was a tangible expression of their shame, God provides animal skins to wrap them in. The reader is left to figure out the obvious conclusion: innocent creatures had to die to cover the sin and shame of the humans that God, for some reason, cares for so much. And that is just the beginning.
Read MoreChoosing REAL Freedom
“Being able to do whatever I want to do.” That’s how a young man at the mall replied to my friend who was randomly asking strangers to define “freedom.” Many of the other responses that day were similar. After later hearing all the descriptions, it struck me that I wasn’t sure I had a clear definition in my mind of this word we throw around so often. We Americans have traditionally prided ourselves in living in the “Land of the free.” So, what does that mean? And of course, it’s also an important word for Jesus followers. We’re told that “For freedom Christ has set us free” (Galatians 5:1, ESV).
An online dictionary defines freedom as “the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.” This sounds good for me personally. But when I think about others having this same ability, particularly those with below-average character, those with dark intentions, and those who just don’t like me, I’m uncomfortable. I want restraints put in place. I don’t want others doing whatever they want without hindrance because I don’t trust everyone’s heart motivations. Nor am I confident in everyone’s ability to think through all the long-term consequences of doing whatever they feel like. And thankfully, there are some restraints, such as social expectations and laws.
Freedom is a strange thing. That which I passionately protect for myself, I reluctantly release to others. After all, if freedom is not understood or used rightly, it’s dangerous.
God’s Freedom
What is the Bible talking about when it says, “So if the Son [Jesus] sets you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:26, ESV)? Free from what? What has tied up humanity and left us enslaved?
Read MoreChoosing a Different Kind of Wealth
A couple of years ago, I had a long layover at an Australian airport. While waiting in line to pay for a snack, the man in front of me haggled with the cashier over his purchase. He wanted to use Bitcoin to buy a candy bar. The woman ringing up the sale stated multiple times that they didn’t accept such currency. The man, for his part, went on to give a somewhat lengthy lecture on the need for them and everyone to get with the times because cryptocurrency is the future. Besides being irritated by the delay he caused, I remember thinking how foolish and out of touch the man sounded. In my limited understanding at the time, cyber money was in the same category as Monopoly money – worthless for any practical purpose.
I don’t know a whole lot more today than I did back then. But I do now believe that it’s unlikely that cryptocurrency is going away. It stirs controversy and polarizes investors because it is challenging the way we understand money. And at an even more fundamental level, it is calling out how value is determined. Rather than continuing to accept the traditional system where governments and financial institutions largely control currency, crypto investors are betting on the expanding appeal of a decentralized scheme where no single person or group can manipulate value. It’s sounding more interesting even if it still seems a bit strange.
What makes something valuable?
Where value comes from is a question to ponder. Cryptocurrency and NFT’s (non-fungible tokens) after all are digital. There is nothing to hold in your hand unless you cash-in through a broker of some kind. A market for NFT artwork is also developing. Unique digital NFT collectibles (Google “Bored Apes”) are being sold for thousands and even millions of dollars.* And all this cyber stuff attracts investors in the same way an original Van Gogh or Rembrandt does. It’s not the material itself that holds intrinsic worth but what it represents: beauty, status, freedom, decentralization.
Value is determined by what people are willing to pay for any given item or service. Though the dollar amount may fluctuate with the needs, interests, and moods of people, value itself is a very real entity, even if it is mysteriously intangible, fluctuating in strange ways. It can cause the price of a baseball to shift from $8.99 to $752,467.20 in just a few seconds because a certain person hit it over a fence.**
Read MoreChoosing to NOT Forget
Last month, on December 7th, a day was remembered that many of the past generation vowed to never forget. Eighty years ago, the Empire of Japan launched a surprise aerial attack on the American naval base in Honolulu, Hawaii. In the harbor, 21 American ships were sunk or damaged, leaving over 2400 American servicemen killed that morning and more than 1100 wounded, many while they were still in their beds. The next day, the U.S. Congress declared war on Japan, and America entered World War 2. It would be a terribly bloody four years, filled with experiences that many people would want to forget.
As with the beginnings of all wars, the Pearl Harbor attack is a sobering and unpleasant event to reflect on. I am particularly drawn to remember it, however, because my uncle was stationed there at the time. As a child I heard his stories of driving a military jeep while trying to outmaneuver Japanese fighter planes strafing the roads around the naval base with their machine guns. Meanwhile his newlywed bride was down at the harbor’s edge pulling sailors from the flames of the oil-coated water. It was supposed to have been a quiet Sunday morning, the first day of their honeymoon. These and other descriptions burned deep impressions into my mind.
Besides the historic value, there are other reasons for stopping to reflect on events from days gone by. Philosopher George Santayana said, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” This aphorism rings true in a general sense, especially for those of us who consider ourselves history buffs. The illogical, self-centered, damaging enterprises and policies that people and governments repeat over and over is difficult to fathom. It’s as if we’re trying to NOT learn.
Read MoreChoosing the Help That’s Offered
It’s a nameless, forgotten movie from my childhood. But one scene has remained etched in my mind for decades. Perhaps it’s a composite of multiple movies. An individual, walking through a trackless jungle, steps into quicksand. He tries to work his way out, but the more he moves the deeper he sinks. Fortunately, he has a companion who avoided the trap and is able to throw the sinking man a rope or long stick from the edge of the quagmire and pull the friend to safety.
Why has this episode remained so vivid in my memory? It’s probably due to the sheer terror that comes with imagining being so powerless in such a deadly situation. For years afterward, I was on constant lookout in my wanderings through woods or rural areas for any miry hole that I could stumble into. Afterall, I might not have someone there to pull me out.
Helplessness is a terrible feeling. The inability to move out of an unpleasant, restrictive, or toxic situation can eventually squeeze hope out of a person. Whether it’s life-sucking addictions, character-crushing jobs, soul-suffocating relationships, death-dealing circumstances, or merely mind-numbing boredom: to be unable to lift oneself out of a cheerless pit is cause for all categories of despair. How does one find relief and freedom?
Read MoreChoosing to Leave the Past Behind
The new year is upon us, and that means resolutions! Many of us are making promises to ourselves to initiate changes in our lives. I have heard mixed reviews regarding the effectiveness of such commitments. The vast majority of us give up on the pledges made on January 1st before the month is even over. Vows to lose weight, get in shape, spend more time with family, or stay off social media start out strong but lose steam as old habits reassert themselves. But there are pathways to success. So don’t give up trying!
The past is often our enemy when it comes to making healthy changes for the future. Bad habits seem to have deep roots. Patterns of past failures and discouragement push their way to the forefront and work to derail our good intentions. How realistic is it to simply forget the past and move into a brighter tomorrow? If we’re trying to do it with pure will power, the chances for success are not very good.
A powerful phantom of the past is guilt.
The weight of yesterday’s mistakes and sin does not just drop off our shoulders because we decide we want it to. It can be a burden that is never lessened. Or like quicksand, it makes us feel as if we are being constantly sucked lower and lower. Either way, it is a real force that keeps many from experiencing freedom and making positive changes for the future.
Why Guilt?
First of all, it’s not all bad. There are things that I have done where it was appropriate that I felt guilt afterwards, like taking something that didn’t belong to me, speaking harshly for selfish reasons, manipulating another’s emotions to get what I wanted, or betraying another’s trust. Guilt is good when it leads me to humbly acknowledge my sin and make appropriate restitution. Yes, it’s painful. But all pain isn’t bad. Discomfort that addresses bad behavior has a life-giving purpose.
Read MoreChoosing to Move Forward
A chance for new beginnings and making life improvements. A clean slate to start over. That’s what so many of us long for and what the new year seems to offer. The tradition of making New Year’s resolutions has been popular for quite a while. There’s evidence that the ancient Babylonians more than 4,000 years ago were using the beginning of their new year to make promises to their gods. The Romans adopted that practice, as well as Medieval knights renewing their chivalric vows. Later, Protestants started holding New Year’s Eve watch services to pray and read scripture as they committed themselves to renewed efforts of living out their Christian faith.*
Today, New Year’s Resolutions are pretty much a secular practice. Rather than seeing them as vows to a deity, most people now make promises to themselves. From what I’ve read, around 45% of Americans make resolutions at the beginning of each year. However, 80% of those who do, give up after the first week. Around 8% of those who take that first step at the beginning of the year end up achieving their goals. It appears that few of us are able to keep the promises we make to ourselves.
New Habits are Hard
Why are personal goals so often not met? For one, we tend to focus on the areas of our lives where we know some kind of change is needed. But we feel little, if any, motivation to actually ‘pay the price’ and do anything about it. I look at myself in the mirror and decide I need to lose some weight. But my immediate alarm over my poor shape recedes when I see the plate of Christmas cookies sitting on the table. Motivation is the engine for change. Tapping a reason for losing weight that stirs something more than the momentary satisfaction of looking good in the mirror is an important key. I need to know myself and what makes me tick.
Another reason personal goals are so regularly abandoned is that we try to go at them alone. Encouragement, support, and accountability are necessary for even the most independent souls. Involving others increases the likelihood that we’ll actually follow through.
And what’s the result of setting a goal that you don’t really want to tackle with no plan for support or accountability? Failure. Though it can be a powerful teacher and motivator at times, for many of us lack of success just makes us not want to set anymore goals. We easily rationalize and settle.
Read MoreChristmas: Choosing Small Beginnings
Speculations on the beginning of the universe fascinate me. There is, of course, the Big Bang Theory (not the television show). It is the most commonly known hypothesis, proposing that all existing matter was at one time compressed into a tiny, infinitely dense speck called a singularity. It then exploded (what caused the blast is unclear), sending stars and planets shooting across infinite space. At least that’s the theory. It continues to be reshaped, questioned, and for some, disregarded as additional information is collected and new theories proposed.
But the idea that something of such great magnitude as the universe could be squeezed to a point infinitely dense and minute is what I find so interesting. Is that possible? And if true, what might it have to say about the God who brought the universe into existence?
The study of nature and physics, I believe, can sometimes confirm and reveal the thoughts and values of our Creator. As I get to know my God, I have a hard time believing that anything He designed and made was random. Jesus relates water to the life-giving work of His Spirit. He also likens the consuming of bread (or any food) to be like the spiritual nourishment He provides for those who depend completely on Him. Wind and breath are equated with the work of the Holy Spirit. Many concrete physical realities are used to help us begin to understand abstract spiritual truth. The problem, of course, is that my brain is too tiny to take in all the ways creation reveals His work, His values, and His character. Yet it’s all there in front of us. And every once in a while scientific study scratches below the surface.
Big God, Little People
Going back to the universe. We have to believe in a mighty God if we understand that He created everything that exists. But why would a being so mighty and infinite in capacity be interested in things that are so limited and tiny? The writer of Psalm 8 appears to have wondered the same thing:
“When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers – the moon and the stars you set in place – what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them?” (Psalm 8:3 NLT)
The Almighty, Majestic, Heavenly Father takes an interest in such infinitesimal and troublesome creatures as us. By the standards of human logic, there’s no satisfying explanation for why. And yet our entire faith rests on the mystery of HE WHO IS SO GREAT AND ETERNAL choosing to give and sacrifice for something so apparently minuscule and temporal as a human.
And then there’s Christmas.
Read MoreChoosing to Open My Eyes
When I realized what was next to me, I flattened myself against the side of the house in shock. I kept telling myself that this couldn’t be real. Things like this don’t happen here.
My cousin and I had started a window-washing service as our summer job between college semesters. We figured we could make easy money with our pails and squeegees catering to the affluent Los Angeles suburbs. I didn’t mind the washing part. But knocking on doors and soliciting potential customers stretched my non-salesman personality.
A particular experience remains my reason for making that the last summer of door-to-door sales for me. In a very nice Southern California neighborhood, a woman invited me to walk around the outside of her house to calculate an estimate. The area surrounding the back patio was cluttered with assorted items, but my focus was on counting windows. I navigated clay pots, garden tools, patio furniture and other debris scattered through the yard. At one point I glanced down at my feet that were almost touching an inflatable pool toy. The life-size “toy” alligator opened its eyes and turned its head toward me.
Positive that my heart stopped beating, I dropped my clipboard and pressed my back against the wall, unable to make a noise. Looking up for help, I saw another long reptilian figure moving across the grass toward me. The scream that finally found its way to my throat was cut short when the woman of the house popped her head out of the patio sliding-glass door and said, “I forgot to tell you about my pets.” Oh really!?
In the end, we got the job. But when it came time to wash the windows, I did the inside and let my cousin brave the outside. We were college students, afterall, and couldn’t pass up the money.
Blind
Why do we sometimes not see what is right in front of us? The surface answer is that we’re not paying attention. But in many cases, especially for myself, it has to do with not seeing what I’m not expecting—like seven-foot alligators in the LA suburbs. The adage, “I’ll believe it when I see it” is only true part of the time. For many it’s just as true to say, “I’ll see it when I believe it.” Beliefs and sight are closely tied together. Which one comes first is hard to say for sure.
In Matthew 6:22-23 Jesus made a curious statement about our eyes and what they take in: “Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light. But when your eye is unhealthy, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!” (NLT). What are “healthy” and “unhealthy” eyes? I understand Jesus to be talking about a condition in which someone is blind to what’s really in front of him. The danger for this person is that he believes he’s seeing everything as it truly is. But the “light” (or information) he thinks he has is really nothing more than “darkness.” People get lost as well as hurt themselves and others when they walk around in the dark without some kind of light. Another word for this condition is deception.
Duped
So, how do I know I’m being deceived? That’s the problem—I don’t. Deception means I believe I’m seeing everything clearly, but my “light” is actually “darkness.” It all feels true and fits what I believe about reality, so I don’t question it, even though there may be things about it that I don’t like. Ultimately, there is only one way to break the grip of deception in my life and gain a “healthy” eye. I have to change what my sight is focused on. And to do that I need information or “light” from outside myself that can direct me where to look. The overall message of the Bible is clear: left to myself I am lost; I need the external Light of a Savior. And I must be willing (i.e. humble enough) to recognize that Jesus Himself is the One who came to illuminate my reality.
Jesus had interesting exchanges with a Jewish political/religious group called the Sadducees. They believed that only the Torah (Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy) were inspired. They also denied pretty much everything supernatural. This blotted out any belief in angels, demons, life after death, resurrection, etc. (which sounds like a few people I’ve rubbed shoulders with). They were also the group that controlled the position of the high priest at that time. And maintaining political power was very important to them.
In Mark 12:18-27, a group of Sadducees approached Jesus with a scenario on which they wanted him to comment. Their real intent was to trap Him into saying something that would discredit his teaching and make Him look ridiculous as He defended belief in an afterlife. But Jesus turned the table on them, and they were the ones who got schooled (read the whole story). Jesus made it clear in verse 24 what He saw as the Sadducees’ problem: “Your mistake is that you don’t know the Scriptures, and you don’t know the power of God.” Their beliefs had prohibited and blinded them from seeing what was right in front of them. They had the Scriptures, but they weren’t trusting them or letting them unveil the fullness of the God they claimed to believe in.
Jesus basically was telling them that they needed to open up and receive something from outside their own comfortable belief system. Their eyes were focused on the wrong things, like holding onto power and being proven right. And thus, they were “mistaken” or deceived into living their lives according to the “light” that convinced them that this present world was all that mattered. Their “light” was “darkness.”
Modern-Day Sadducees?
Deception is a real problem today on multiple levels. It is so easy to find information (“light”) on the internet that fits what I already believe. Fact-checking by researching multiple sources is so inconvenient that few of us do it. We see and take in only what confirms our presumptions. And then we immediately share it, never considering that we might be thoughtlessly spreading “darkness.” But as bad as social and political misinformation can be, there is something worse.
We may be believing lies about God. Many still cannot see the loving and righteous character of our Maker. And it’s our beliefs about Him that determine how we view Him as well as how we live our lives. Do I see God as the Heavenly Father He has revealed Himself as? Or does it feel true that He’s far away, uninterested, too busy, weak, unjust or simply not good?
And there are also questions about how we view ourselves, others and the world around us. Do what our eyes see line up with what God has revealed in the Scriptures? Like the Sadducees, might Jesus be telling us, “Your mistake is that you don’t know the scriptures or the power of God”? Unfortunately, any wrong perspectives we carry feel true, and that is what gives them their power to deceive. We can never know or see the truth about how God loves us and embraces us as His sons and daughters unless we choose to listen to Him. A source of “light” outside ourselves that can fill our “whole body” is necessary to show us the truth we cannot see on our own. And God has provided this illumination through His Word.
Realigned Focus
By asking Him to open your eyes, pull back the blinds to see what He sees, your beliefs can change to align with Him. Believe when His word says He is good so you can see His goodness. You don’t have to step on a hungry reptile to wake up to what’s around you. God is calling you to believe what He has said and experience His power so you can know what’s true through His eyes.
Jesus told Thomas, “You believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who believe without seeing me” (John 20:29 NLT). There is a special blessing for us who trust in God’s goodness and power even when at the moment we can’t see either one.
I want that blessing.
Response:
- What are some ways I have been tricked or deceived in the past? What kind of information would have helped me see through the deception?
- How have my beliefs affected what I see and don’t see about God? Others? The world?
- In what areas of my life might I not want to see things the way God sees them? Why?
- In what areas of my life do I need a different perspective? How badly do I want to see things differently? How might God already be trying to show me His perspective?
- Jesus, what do you want to show me about the Scriptures and the power of God?
(Edited and reposted from May 25, 2020)
Choose This Day 