The Sahara can be a lonely and disheartening place. I’ve been to this seemingly endless North African sandbox several times. Its beauty, overshadowed by the harshness and potential for disaster, was often not seen till after I returned home and reviewed my photos. On one trip, I hunkered down in a house with my team, riding out a sandstorm in which the air remained a hazy dark brown with little visibility for almost three weeks. During another, I nearly froze under the stars in my sleeping bag in the sand, anxiously wondering if I would be trampled by a group of nearby camels.
But the most disheartening experience was running out of gas along a barren stretch of road, miles from any village. We never saw another car. Our vehicle had a second fuel reservoir, but the mechanism used to switch the intake between the two tanks wasn’t working. In the end, I had to suck on a siphoning tube to manually move gasoline from the full one to the empty one. What a relief when the car finally started again.
And yet occasionally I have had eyes to see some profoundly beautiful things in this grim and desolate place. Green spots can suddenly appear while driving through the sea of brown rock and sand. An oasis is an exquisite sight in the desert. Jesus followers who somehow persevere in the midst of threats and persecution can unexpectedly show up at your door. What a humbling experience to interact with a believer who truly understands the cost of following our Lord. In my mind, the symbol that best represents hope in this seemingly lifeless and uninhabitable land is the date palm. It thrives in desolately arid regions and produces some of the sweetest fruit I’ve ever tasted. We gorged ourselves on this desert candy while camping beside a cool pool of water in an oasis. It was truly an exotic and refreshing experience.
Life in the Wilderness
Sometimes, followers of Jesus feel as if we have been led into a desert with no oasis in sight. It’s difficult to imagine beauty or opportunities for nourishment in harsh, dry and dusty places. The goal is usually just to find a way to get through as quickly and as painlessly as possible. And yet many followers of Jesus talk of the “dry seasons” of their faith. They wonder where God has gone, what’s up with not being able to hear His voice like they could in the past, and why serving Him feels so much harder than it used to. Desert experiences are not fun. What kind of good can they possibly provide?
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The 4th of July has traditionally been one of the most important days for Americans to express their patriotism, loyalty, and love of country. As a kid, I vaguely understood this. Fireworks, picnics, and homemade ice cream were what I perceived and appreciated most. American Independence Day slowly worked its way into my overall awareness of history, politics, and symbolic gestures as part of the trappings of being an American.
Speaking of gestures . . .
I was a part of the generation that grew up saying the Pledge of Allegiance in class each morning in my public school. We would stand next to our desks and place our hands over our hearts as we faced the U.S. flag. The words would roll off our tongues without really hearing them. It was a ritual that I never thought about deeply. I saw its main value as a reference point for learning to distinguish my right hand from the left as a child. And yet, aware or unaware, it still was a powerful declaration that we children made each morning. As we grew older, we would then decide how much of it we actually meant.
We Cannot Escape Them
But allegiances are part of life. They are what give shape to our identity as individuals and as groups. Who I am is typically best put into words by speaking of the community, activities, beliefs, roles, and goals to which I have attached myself and continue in submission to. Even among those who say they have no allegiances, it’s likely they have a strong loyalty to their own independence and self-preservation at the very least. To literally hold no allegiance to anything is somewhat equivalent to being one of the walking dead. That person would theoretically be just a body, with no sense of connection to anything that raises him or her above the status of an animal. And thus there would be no ability to clarify uniqueness, beliefs, hopes, dreams, etc. I doubt there are many, if any, who truly have no loyalties to anything. Without some point of devotion or commitment to that which gives them meaning, they would be worthy of pity from the rest of us because they would not really be living.
Allegiance ultimately is an activity of the heart. Humans, I believe, were created to exercise it and do so without a lot of conscious effort. It arises from within and says, “This is what I am going to give myself to. This is going to give me my sense of purpose.” I often hear people talk about it in terms of what their passions are – the things they feel strongly about and give themselves to with abandon, holding nothing back.
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It has become a beloved classic. The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, although written by C.S. Lewis as a children’s story, has powerfully communicated the Gospel message to many adults as well. Aslan, a lion and a Christ figure in the story, has a way of getting behind some of our unhelpful stereotypical images of Jesus and God. In one very memorable scene, the four Pevensie children are questioning Mr. and Mrs. Beaver about this lion they have just heard about and are having a difficult time understanding his appeal. “’Then he isn’t safe?’ said Lucy. ‘Safe?’ said Mr. Beaver; ‘don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? Of course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.’”
Lucy’s concern about this powerful being that she and her siblings are just learning about is similar to that of many Jesus followers. Am I safe in God’s hands? Do I dare allow myself to fully trust Him with my entire life? Will I in the end get hurt or regret making myself vulnerable to Him? These are fair and very natural questions. But ultimately, I don’t think they allow us to explore God to the fullest or open the door to know Him in the way He desires to be known.
Expectations and Disappointment
Most people are searching for ways to better control their lives. The pursuit of wealth, knowledge, and power are the classic means humans have always used to minimize the pain and unpredictability of living in this broken world. We search for pathways that guarantee safety, provision, health, success, and satisfying relationships. Uncertainty of desired outcomes is unnerving, stirs anxiety, and leads us to do almost anything to maintain a sense of control.
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“I will kill as many of them as I can.”
A young man from Prizren, Kosovo said this to me quietly through clenched teeth. Not knowing how to respond, I replayed the story he had just told me. It was July of 1999, and I was staying in a town just across the border in Albania. This young man told me how he had come home to find his entire family dead and buried in a shallow grave in their front yard. Groups of Serbian paramilitary had made their way through Kosovo, an autonomous region of Serbia at the time. Generations of ethnic hatred erupted into a move to purge the land of the traditionally Muslim Albanian-speaking Kosovars. The young man’s family was one case out of thousands of murders that had recently taken place. It got so bad that NATO finally intervened, bombing until the paramilitary troops retreated.
I and my YWAM team were there to help the United Nations repatriate thousands of Kosovar civilians returning to their homes that summer. But though the war was technically over, healing was not on the horizon. This young man I talked to told me that the sin of the Serbs could only be covered with their own blood. When I finally asked him what he expected from the family members of those he planned to kill, he replied matter of factly, “They will come and kill more of my people. This kind of thing never stops. We will all ultimately be destroyed.”
Does it never end?
Years later, the words of that young man still echo in my mind – and stir despairing questions. Is there no hope for an end to the ongoing violence layered throughout human history? Can the cycles of our sin against each other ever be broken?
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It was the first week of my summer vacation after finishing the 3rd grade. There was an unexpected knock on our front door. The teacher who had started the school year and then disappeared in the spring on maternity leave stood there. In her arms was her newborn child that she had brought to show me. As a nine-year-old boy, I had no appreciation for how far she had driven, nor the inconveniences of taking an infant out in public. I also had little interest in looking at a baby. Yet I can still remember her smile as she sat in our living room and invited me to take a closer look at her treasure. I don’t know how many other students she visited, but the feeling of importance I felt was beyond my capacity to express at the time. She honored me that day, and my little-boy’s heart could feel it. This thoughtful and tender act left such a deep impression that it is one of the few things I can now recall from that year of my life.
Kindness is powerful.
I’m certain that I have experienced many more acts of kindness than I can remember. And I believe they have all been part of shaping me into who I am. However, I have also heard this tender quality referred to as something much less meaningful and impactful. Some see it as nice but not necessary for a relationship, kind of like garnish on a dinner plate or a cherry on top of ice cream. It makes things a bit more pleasant, but it’s not the main dish. Afterall, it is often the first thing to be discarded when a relationship comes under stress.
For others, to be kind is to show weakness. Therefore, to sit in the relational power seat, kindness is either twisted or disregarded. Many thus view outward expressions of kindness as little more than manipulative tools. They find themselves using “kindness” to get what they need or want. And they perceive questionable motives behind the thoughtful and generous acts of others.
How important is it really?
Yet kindness is listed among the nine Fruits of the Spirit in the Bible (Galatians 5: 22-23). And since fruit is the result of something that has been planted and cultivated over time, real kindness is something that should show up when the Spirit of God is at work in a person’s life. It’s one of the character qualities of our Heavenly Father that He desires to see in His children. But what difference does it really make? Does its absence in a person’s life or its manipulation for personal gain create any concerning consequences?
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I despise fasting. I hate the way it makes me feel: grumpy, irritable, distracted with thoughts of burgers, pizza, and ice cream when I’m trying to do something important. But most of all, it makes me feel hungry. And hunger tells me I need something to fill and nourish an emptiness inside. It isn’t the way I was meant to live. No one was meant to live perpetually hungry.
But yet the Bible refers to fasting multiple times. Jesus fasted, along with the Apostles. Early church writings refer to fasting as if it is expected to be a regular part of the life of a Jesus follower. It has often seemed strange to me, though. How am I supposed to focus on my relationship with God when all I can think about is the next time I can pop something into my mouth? And now there’s this trendy thing called “intermittent fasting” that’s supposed to help a person lose weight and get healthier.
I recently decided to take a second look at fasting after talking with several people who claimed it has improved their health. The intermittent kind can take a couple different approaches. One can regularly refrain from eating for a couple days out of each week (sounds awful). Or, a person can restrict the time periods during each day in which one does eat. This means that someone might not eat for 16 hours out of a day and eat only during the other eight hours. I read that besides losing weight, this can help lower cholesterol, blood pressure, and reduce the risk of type-2 diabetes. So, with gritted teeth, I decided to try it.
Nourishment By Going Without?
It wasn’t fun. I would resist food up until 12 noon each day, and then eat nothing after 8:00 in the evening. The morning hours were especially challenging as I was constantly glancing at a clock to see how much time I had left until I could stuff my face. After about a month, I was about to give up on it, despite the supposed health benefits, when I heard God speak to me. It was in the form of a very strong impression that there was something important He wanted me to learn from this experience. He used Deuteronomy 8:3, part of the ancient speech of Moses speaking to the Israelites after they had wandered in the desert for 40 years.
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I was five years old when I had my tonsils removed. A lot of medical concerns and procedures were different back then. They had me spend the night before surgery in the hospital. I remember my initial impression was that of getting to do a sleep over at a hotel without Mom and Dad. Kind of exciting!
It all seemed great until I was taken in to be prepped for surgery early the next morning before my parents arrived. Everything quickly went blank when they put a cup over my nose and mouth. My strongest memory of the entire episode was a growing awareness of an intense sore throat while still in complete darkness. A disconcerting panic arose as confusing conversations from unseen bodies were taking place around me. I desperately wanted a light to be turned on. But there was nothing. Finally, one voice among the many stood out. My mother! And though I couldn’t see her, I knew she was there and that made all the difference. I was then able to be at peace. Everything would be okay because someone who I trusted to care for me was with me even though I couldn’t see.
When There’s No Light
Darkness stirs an assortment of emotions. Yes, there is the glory of the nighttime sky with the brightly shining stars or the beauty of a full moon casting its silver lining across the edge of a black horizon. But when it comes to navigating a path or figuring out what’s going on with no stars, no moon, and no lamp of any kind, the lack of light can be terrifying. Total darkness seems to scream that there are unseen terrors hidden nearby. Some kind of illumination is needed, something to guide, something to comfort. And so, we grasp at anything that might shine light on our path, even a tiny bit, to provide some sense of control.
Many years ago, I came upon a scripture in the Old Testament that I have returned to often.
“Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the voice of his servant? Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. Behold, all you who kindle a fire, who equip yourselves with burning torches! Walk by the light of your fire, and by the torches that you have kindled! This you have from my hand: you shall lie down in torment.” (Isaiah 50:10-11 ESV)
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